What to do about mum refusing to call my son by his name?

[shinyredbus]

I see my mum in about 5 weeks - she does'nt like my sons first name and loves his middle name (after my grandfather - and this was forced onto me by massive guilt-tripping). These days, she only calls him by his middle name.

Ive told her so many times to stop - she just won't listen. My husband is now insisting he calls my mum by her middle name because he's annoyed, he didn't really want my grandad's name as a middle name in the first place, I'm just really weak when it comes to my mum and agree for a simpler life.

How should I approach my mum to try and help make force her stop using his middle name as his first name - we love his first name!

It's not a pet name. It's a completely different name and it's bloody rude.

It's his own middle name, not a random name. I don't see why its rude though.

Buy bibs with his name on .... even if it means writing it with a sharpie pen!!!

I am a granny and wouldn't dream of doing this! It's rude and trouble making

I think your mother needs to grow up. It's absolutely none of her business.
I have 4 grandchildren, neither my husband nor I had anything to do with naming them. My daughters and their husbands were perfectly capable of doing this by themselves.

Hi all - sorry i was on the train so couldn't reply.

Yes - i will have to speak to her - in fact i am about to call her as soon as my son wakes up. We will speak then.

To those saying to change his middle name - we (I) are considering it. I do feel i was bullied into it because i was very close to my grandfather and my mum pointed that out. Also pointed out none of the other grandchildren was as close so probably none would adopt his name etc. She did ask for his first name to be grandfathers name but we said no.

And yes, i am quite weak when i comes to mum and I have always felt bad because i 'chose' to live far away from her (and she holds that against me in a very passive-aggressive way!) Other than that - she's great and she loves her grandchildren.

In terms of losing the money and not going to see her - we can't really - its a few thousand pounds to lose, and this is the only time my children get to see my family.

Thank you all - and its nice to see I'm not alone, here i was thinking my was a bit mad crazy

Wish me luck!

PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea we would prefer him to be called by his first name to be honest - i mean, its what people everyone on earth would call him - right? I mean, i wouldn't even mind a short form of his first name, but she says it sounds weird as a short form and prefers his middle name - which i totally get as its her father name. Unfortunately, its not his name!

Artycakemaker: "My Aunt (who's a bit of a bitch tbh) did this to her DD's child. So my cousin's husband started calling her 'Patsy'. As in Patsy from Ab Fab. When asked why he basically said she must be drunk and self involved to have not figured out what her own grandchild's name was.

Stopped it stone cold dead."

That is ace. Your cousin's husband is a star! I love it!

Hi Shiny, I do think it would be better all round, if you changed his middle name. Besides, your DH should come before your DM, in the baby naming stakes. She has abused, and continues to abuse, the privilege she was granted, naming your DS, after her Father.
I'm sure she is a great Mum and Grandma, but respect is a two way street.

@amystiara

Yes I was writing my message as you were writing yours Raven so no need to be snarky about it.

Having a bad day are you 'amystiara?'?

I'm not being 'snarky,' I was simply correcting you.

A better person would apologise to me for their cross post/mistake, (like I did to the OP,) but I seriously doubt you will do that. Some people just don't like to admit to being wrong. You felt the need to have a pop at me for 'getting it wrong,' but can't be arsed to acknowledge your cross post/mistake. Instead you choose to be rude and sarcastic. As I said, having a bad day are you?

Not to worry hun, you have raspberry to defend you. YAY!

I couldn't find enough grips to give. So some of you will have to get your own or share

I'd find it really irritating if I had to declare a name change on forms for the rest of my life because my mum and dad were spineless and petty

Change his name asap.

Its not really honouring your grandfather when your mother is making a big hoohaa over it all.

Change the name now & be done with it.

I'd pull her up on it every time, for example if she calling him Bert just say who's Bert? Every time, then she'll have to say either his proper name or "your son" then say oh you mean Jack 😂

Then ask her if she's got dementia

Your mother is a dick.

Does your child speak at all? If so, tell your child to tell his gran that that isn't his name and that he would like to be called by his actual name. If she still doesn't listen. Don't visit?

My MIL did this, with my eldest. So Annoying! We just corrected here every time she did it (she was insane - no reasoning with her), but by the time he could speak, he just used to ignore her, then say 'my name is xxxxx'. It worked and she stopped ........ and then just called him 'Son'!

If you hate the name - change it. If you can live with it - set her straight. I definitely don't think you should lie and just tell her you've changed it .

It's not a "pet name". The woman is being deliberately obtuse and a massive dick.

I had similar to the point where I still wonder what I would have called my DS if there wasn't constant badgering... 🤔
He is 2, he has the short version of my Grandad's name as a middle name, who knows if he'd have actually had it as a first name-but I couldn't take the crap that would've come with it. Like he was a little reincarnation and not his own person.
If calling her by a random name like Jan or Doris doesn't get her to stop, I'd refer to her as 'Shit' as a name in reference to 'oh dear, Shit is calling you Barry again when your name is Jack' and then when she became outraged but refused to stop-I'd say, that's it we're changing his middle name to Matthew etc, like we wanted

And I'd change it too... And remind her it's her fault when she tried to say anything about it being against his memory in the future.

Tongue in cheek humour required here, as suggested by your DH and other posts.

Annoying of your mother, nevertheless.

Tell her she's being ridiculous.

Having said that my grandfather had a nickname that only he used for me but that developed over time and he also used my real name as well.

One of my friends when I was a teenager was called Fred by everyone... except his name wasn't Fred, it was Lee. The name Fred stuck because his grandad insisted that "he looked more like a Fred than a Lee" and only called him Fred.

Granted, as you see your parents so rarely this is unlikely to happen, but you really don't want your child getting older and introducing himself to friends as "Fred" like my friend does.

That sounds very controlling! What will she do when your child starts to object to being called by something other than his middle name??
Stick up for yourself OP.