Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To ask him not to play football every week?

86 replies

Zippydoodah · 01/06/2017 08:25

Ever since I've met dh (20 years ago), he has had a kickaround with his mates once a week .

I am not that bothered that he plays really but he is ssssoooo inflexible over it. If something comes up, it doesn't matter what it is, he WILL not change it. When the kids are sick, when my dad was in hospital, anniversaries. Nope. He has to play. His brother plays too and is like that. I know it annoys my sil. The other lads, not so much. I saw lots were cancelling because of half term and they were busy or maybe their wives wanted a break from the kids.

He says he doesn't mind if i do something once a week but i genuinely would not have time to do something so rigidly. Sometimes I will go to the cinema and try to make it a regular thing with the girls but we all end up being busy with other stuff or we'll have a swimming day and then the kids will get sock or work gets in the way.

The other thing is tha he always seems so tired after work and just sits on the sofa while i rush around after the kids - his excuse is they should be more independent - but suddenly musters the energy to play a game.

When he came in last night, i just barked the kids were all his and let him run around aching after foootball because normally that would be his excuse not to help out too and my reason why i don't do much. I have to factor in how much energy ill hav e lwft at he end of the day

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 01/06/2017 08:53

I think you should find a similar hobby and refuse to move it. Make him see how unreasonable he is being by doing it for 3 months yourself. He sounds very selfish.

araiwa · 01/06/2017 09:10

playing football once a week is hardly unreasonable

going to the movies once a week isnt either

are you deliberately looking to make a fight over this and sabotage your own relationship?

Original poster

Zippydoodah · 01/06/2017 09:13

It's not the once a week. It's the inflexibility. I don't like that as a trait.

Last night, all i asked of him was, not to give it up, but to take the kids with him so i could visit my mum who hasn't been well. Ds had been playing up all day

OP posts:

thelonelyscriptures · 01/06/2017 09:19

My OH is exactly the same. Every. Singe. Week.
My son is 5 months old and he works mon-fri from 8am-6pm so only spends 45 mins with DS in the morning and the same in the evening. Weekends are our only time together and he's out on Saturdays from midday- 3pm. I know it's not long but it means we can't do anything together^ or go^ anywhere for the weekend. When I have complained about it he started 'asking' my permission to go and complaining or making a huge deal about it if I say I'd rather he didn't because of A, B or C.

rainbowpie · 01/06/2017 09:20

I came on to say YABU but YANBU. DH is out twice a week at the moment but if I need him home he doesn't question it and I stay home if he needs me. I can manage sick DC but if I'm ill he won't go and he's missed it for DD's birthday and our anniversary.

Iamtheresurrection · 01/06/2017 09:25

YABU. I have fitness class and the only time I don't go is if I am on holiday.

Honeybee79 · 01/06/2017 09:26

I have weekly commitments that I am pretty strict at sticking to, but I do skip them in emergencies. DH has similar commitments and takes the same approach. We both need time out and it works fine. Both of us know how much it means to the other and we know the type of situations in which we would cancel - work emergencies, serious illness with the other and/or kids (not just colds etc!).

CockneyRhymer · 01/06/2017 09:34

DP has the same but that's fine - I also have a weekly sports commitment. They're both important to our mental health. If I'm away for work or have a one off event then he sorts out the childcare to cover it. Is the issue more that you don't feel able to take the equivalent time for yourself rather than the football per se?

sunshinesupermum · 01/06/2017 09:36

YABU. You've had 20 years together and he remains inflexible. He's not going to change.

araiwa · 01/06/2017 09:41

what is he supposed to do with the kids if he is playing football?

surely it would have been much better last night for the kids to be with you and visit their gran than hang around a football pitch alone

im not surprised he said no- that was a rubbish idea.

also why cant you visit your mum at any other time than when you know he plays football- hes done it for 20 years- surely you know by now???

TheLegendOfBeans · 01/06/2017 09:43

It must be the week for it....good points raised here relevant to OPs issue

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2943719-This-is-what-happens-on-around-my-birthday-every-fucking-year

Allthebestnamesareused · 01/06/2017 09:49

Has a kick around or plays for a team? It is a bit different. Teams need to commitment from their players otherwise there is no point signing up to be in a league.

If he is merely meeting friends on the rec with jumpers for goalposts I can see if there is a special occasion he should give it up on occasion. If it is a proper team then YABU.

Original poster

Zippydoodah · 01/06/2017 09:50

He's taken them before. They just played on the green. It's only an hour.

As it was, they went to my mum's. Ds played up the whole time as he had done.all day so it wouldn't have made a difference with the time. It's half term. I needed a break

Yes. The issue is definitely that I couldn't commit as i do not have the time to fit it in around work, kids etc every sodding eeek yet he does. And if i did and was needed at home , i would be flexible - as i am with work ( i do shifts) when he needs me oe the kids do. Dammit even my employer is more flexible!

OP posts:

FlossyMooToo · 01/06/2017 09:53

You keep making excuses as to why you cannot have an hour to yourself everyweek. Why does it habe to be the 1 hour he has? There are many other hours in a weekend.

araiwa · 01/06/2017 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

museumum · 01/06/2017 10:00

You've already admitted that if you try to do a regular thing but don't stick to it then it's difficult to make it happen. It's a lot easier to keep up with something if it's regular. If it's just a normal weeknight rather than a premium time like Saturday afternoon I'd support this 95% of the time with obvious exceptions like going away on holiday or extreme illness.
Why did you need to visit your mum that one specific hour on a Wednesday? Your errand sounds a lot more flexible than his standing arrangement with 9 other guys (assuming it's 5 aside).

Original poster

Zippydoodah · 01/06/2017 10:00

I don't need his hour. I need his flexibility sometimes not every week. And I work Sundays. He works Saturday mornings, which he doesn't have to - it's overtime. He is also inflexible with that even though i quit Saturdays so we could have more time

OP posts:

Original poster

Zippydoodah · 01/06/2017 10:02

My mum is sick. She needed help with a dressing. My sister knew how to do it and i didn't so needed to be shown. It had to be then as she is going on holiday

OP posts:

FlossyMooToo · 01/06/2017 10:25

Sorry but its 1 hour.
Why cant you do what you need to an hour before or an hour after?

Original poster

Zippydoodah · 01/06/2017 10:26

Because my sister wasn't back from work then going on holiday after

OP posts:

araiwa · 01/06/2017 10:32

did your sister get a new job and book her holiday and go on holiday last night?

it seems you want your dh to change all his plans because you didnt think and plan stuff

FlossyMooToo · 01/06/2017 10:34

I appreciate that this one time it appears everyone was inflexible and he should have supported you.

However YABU to moan about him doing this all the time and that you dont get an hour to yourself when you could but are choosing not to.

Original poster

Zippydoodah · 01/06/2017 10:35

Araiwa. Yabvu. We could not have predicted my mum getting ill.

OP posts:

Original poster

Zippydoodah · 01/06/2017 10:36

And yes sometimes we do change plans which i am expected to do frequently so yes i expect that in return

OP posts:

Original poster

Zippydoodah · 01/06/2017 10:37

Floss. I don't normally an but i do qhen i need him and he doesn't deliver. It just makes me think i might as well do it all on my own

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4