To miss the way i used to look

[stormywaters]

We aren't young for long, but when we are we take it for granted, never imagine you wont always look the way you do. Anyone else get a bit upset about losing their looks. Sorry for sounding shallow.

The bloom of youth fades, any other reasons to feel regretful ? You sound quite down.

I know what you mean. I feel shallow for thinking it too, and I know that growing older is a privilege that many people don't get, and that in the grand scheme of things, losing your looks is not the worst thing that can happen to you. But sometimes I do just wish I could look the way I used to. I don't even know why, it's not like I enjoyed being pestered by men when I went out . But the me of 20 years ago (when I was in my early 20s) is how I imagine that I look, and then I look in the mirror and I don't look like that any more!

My friend and I were discussing this at the weekend. (Alcohol may have been involved) we both just kept saying "but why do we not look the same as we did before??" We've both had children and various stressful life situations in the last 15 years and I know that takes it toll but why does it?? Why god, why??

I looked better.
I wasn't happier.
I like my life much more now. So I will keep the saggy tum and the lines!

I miss my firm slim body.
I'd just like my clothes to fit like they used to.

Look at the positive side, no more wolf whistles, fighting off potential suitors, people listening to you rather than looking at you etc. You're alive, not dead. We are too ageist, there's nothing wrong with getting older. Bring it on.

Apart from chin hairs. What's that all about? What the hell is going to happen to me in my old age that requires chin hair?!

I'm 49 and not a well preserved 49 either. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think 'when the FUCK did that happen?'... saggy haggard thin face, greying hair... wrinkles galore.

But... then give myself a mental shake... I'm still HERE... alive, healthy with a family who love me and actually who cares if I don't look 20 any more. Sure I'm not 20 and no one gives me a second glance... but my DH has aged at the same rate and we still find each other attractive!

I'm the opposite. I was repulsive as a teen. I seemed to have blossomed and grown into myself as ive got older. Well so I'm told.
YANBU, though.

Yup, same here. I was never a great beauty so maybe the letdown is a bit softer - ? - but I do miss my firmer jawline and arms. In my family our faces kind of get melty rather than very wrinkly, so I will probably have a massive double chin hanging down to my clavicle before long, which is just so textbook old ladyish and horrible.

I am also much much happier now than when I was young, which is more than a little consolation. And my mum had a facelift about five years ago and looks amazing, so that is always a potential plan b.

I'm 40 and for the most part am happy with my looks. I weigh a stone less than I did pre-pregnancy and am fitter too.

But what are looks compared with having your health? My cousin died of cancer recently - she was a week from her 50th birthday and has a 10yo daughter. If I lose my looks it's not the worst thing, as long as I get to see my child grow up.

I certainly don't look the same as I did when I was 20! My eyes have dulled and look a bit sunken and "hooded" by my eyelids; my eyelashes and eyebrows have all but vanished and my hair has thinned and gone grey. But like some PPs, I was never a beauty in my youth and I find that age is a great leveller.

Oh FFS stop wittering on about ageing. You probably (a) weren't as great looking as you remember being and (b) don't look as crap as you claim to.

Just muddle along and stop mithering!

Fucking hell Deidre.

Don't go overboard with the compassion.

How old are you?

I'm 40 and finding ageing in this harsh world (at least for women) challenging....but I'm in no way defeatist.

People like to tell you what you should wear, how you should do your hair, what you absolutely MUSTT do at age 35 and over. I say bollocks!

How do you want to age?

You can go down the route of hardcore preservation...botox, fillers, surgery even, a hardcore gym-bunny life etc. Nothing wrong with it, but its a lifestyle (and bank balance) choice.

Or you can just try to accept wrinkles and a slight body thickening as you gear up for the menopause...but stay healthy, moderate exercise, take care of yourself, choose nice clothes/hair/make-up.

No judgement....but think about your approach to getting older and then go with it. It will help you stay focussed on what matters to you.

We all get old. At 40 I have mornings when I look in the mirror and mourn for my younger self (figure more than face...I was a pert, model-a-like 8-10 and am now a decidedly curvy 12-14).

But I also have mornings when I feel sexier and more kick arse than I ever have. And thats about my choices, being more secure in them and knowing myself a little better.

This most probably sounds strange but I look at myself now and see I have lovely skin and hair and I am naturally pretty although overweight but I know other people look at me and remember the much slimmer me so although I now appreciate me...everyone else does not.
Why did I not realise what I was like when I had it all...I don't know..but I'm definitely not as bothered now

It has occurred to me that women have about 10 years in life to get done what they need to.

In work especially in professions, under 25 you're too young and inexperienced. Once you get over 35 if you havent already met someone and started thinking about children it will be too late very very soon.

Just 10 fucking years. Thats it. I missed the boat with a relationship so that's me done in my late 30s.

I'm with Awwlookatmybabyspider. In my early 20s I was nearly overweight, with awful cystic acne all over my face, zero self-confidence, and I spent every day contemplating death because I didn't feel like I was "pretty enough" to be successful or loved, shallow as that sounds.

Since then, I've lost all the extra weight, ran my first ever marathon last year, cleared up my skin, and am finally happy with myself and my life. Maybe I never had the "glory years of youth" so there's nothing to miss. But if I had the chance to be 21/22 again I'd turn it down in a heartbeat.

I'm only 25. Saw a load of pictures today where my face was so much thinner. I looked great. But I was in the midst of a bad ED so I have to see that as bad.

Nicki, you're not wrong. I feel the same

Ah, we don't change that much between 25 and 45, and in those 20 years or so we get used to our faces. Then the menopause hits, everything collapses and the thing I really struggle with is recognising myself if I see my reflection unexpectedly. For a brief moment I wonder who that sour-faced old woman is then I think, "Fucking Hell, that's me! How did that happen?"

I'm well over 50 now but I still haven't accepted that that face looking back in the mirror is me. But on the other hand, I'm far more comfortable with myself as a person, so I guess there's always an upside to everything.

It's true what they say that youth is wasted on the young. When I was about 17-20, I thought I was fat (I was 9 stone and a size 10!) And I put half a stone on at 21-22 and thought I was HUGE, and hid behind baggy jumpers for a season or two. I also thought I was a bit average looking.

I am now quite a few years older, bordering middle age, and when I look back at my pics from 15-20 years back, I was really attractive and slim. (I am not fat now, but am not as slim as then IYSWIM.)

What I am trying to say (I think!) is that it's a shame we don't realise how hot/ sexy/ pretty/ gorgeous/ cute we are!!! I said (half jokingly) the other day, to a pal who is 60, 'I wish I looked like HER' (a young 20-ish fit pretty girl I saw,) and my 60 y.o. pal said to me 'I wish I looked like you!'

Crazy innit?! We don't realise how nice we DO look!

I am certainly more content and comfortable with myself than I was at 18-19!

I'd like to go back and tell my 18 year old self you are slim, curvy and gorgeous. That one day you will find the skirt to this suit you feel so fat in and will marvel that your waist was ever that small. That by the time you realise you were slim and beautiful you won't be anymore.

Raven that is so true. I'm fatter and probably uglier than ever but I don't remember ever feeling as comfy with myself as I do now

I'm so miserable about how I look now. Losing weight would help but ive had rapid aging in the last three years. My entire body is affected and I can't even get makeup to work. I was looking amazing 6 years ago and pretty good 4 years ago but my pores are huge, no exaggeration, they just won't be tamed, red patches all over face, my norks are massive but flat... so so saggy. My face just looks terrible and my skin on chest has gone crepey. I always had amazing skin. I take a lot of medications and I'm sure that along with my medical issues has ruined me. I can't find ANY clothes that fit properly despite going everywhere. I'm 38 and look like I'm at least 10 years older. I mourn who I was.