To miss the way i used to look

[stormywaters]

We aren't young for long, but when we are we take it for granted, never imagine you wont always look the way you do. Anyone else get a bit upset about losing their looks. Sorry for sounding shallow.

Love your posts Lynn and Bleur!

To the poster above me on page 1 (fairy,) you are right that between 45 and 50 women suddenly age. I see many women of 40 to 44 who look mid to late 30's, and then when they hit 46-47, they suddenly look 50.

A pal of mine went from looking 38-40 y.o to looking 50 in the space of 6 to 10 months. (Between 48 and 48 and a half.) She was invited to an over 50's 'do' in her village at the age of 48 and a half and she was devastated. 2 years before, someone guessed her age at 38-39.

Then again, once you get past that, and accept that you now look your age (at 50!) you don't age much then til around 65-ish. I know a few women who are in their early 60's now, who don't look much different to how they looked 10 years ago.

Narcs you poor love

Raven - what are you rambling on about?

Aww narcs, I bet you don't look THAT bad.

You'll look back in 10-15 years and realise that you looked great at 38!

What are we like?

I used to be attractive, with waist-length orange hair and a slim, curvy figure that I didn't appreciate at the time. People didn't take me seriously, I was wolf whistled every day, I looked and felt like a teenaged hippy, and I had very little confidence.

Now I am 44, I am still slim but a bit scraggy. Everything has gone south (except when I lie down, and it goes east and west). I have wrinkles. My hair is still orange, but now this colour is from a bottle and the grey shows through after a few weeks. I am much more confident. I have got out of an abusive marriage, and I have a network of close friends who all support each other. I am old enough to know what I want, and to wait for it and work in the right direction.

I like the way I looked when I was young, but I much prefer having the life experience and serenity I have gained.

I think RP above ^ you pretty much sum up how many (middle aged) women feel. They like the way they feel now, but prefer the way they looked 20-25 years ago!!!

Annoying thing is (as we have said;) we didn't realise HOW good we looked in our 20's!

all through my teenage years and early 20s i had terrible skin and no confidence wasnt a happy time
now im 48 i feel alot more confident and happy with myself but then every morning i put my face on do my hair and im quite happy with myself but then i get the magnified mirror and stand by the window.
i see every bump and wrinkle and i look old. it puts me on a right downer why the hell do i did it
i think i'd sooner be deluded

Oh yes. I'm 44 and tbh I've worn ok so far, not too many wrinkles, I'm slimmer than pre-DD and much fitter so my arms are defined, no visible muffin top etc.

But.

My c-section "shelf" of skin will never leave of its own accord, it'd take a tummy tuck to lose that. Bikinis are a thing of the past.

And the pores of my face look like moon craters! I haven't found any make up which makes any kind of difference. Likewise the dark circles under my eyes.

delores there's certain mirrors i won't look in for exactly that reason, it's horrifying.

I used to feel like you OP until couple of years ago when I was diagnosed with an aggressive type of cancer and the 'shit' split ended hair that i'd said i felt like shaving off and starting again numerous times, well when i actually lost it all with the chemo I bawled my eyes out! I've visibly aged since treatment too. I always said I'd hide for the day on my 40th but when that day arrives in few years I'm gonna be like bring it on!! (if I'm still here of course).

I feel completely differently OP.

I was a model when I was younger. Not massively successful but did a bit of catwalk at London Fashion Week, a few shoots in some trendy magazines. Hated it.

When I had children and wrecked my body I was surprised to find it was a massive relief. To take my body and my looks 'out of the running'. I didn't have to compete any more. Leave that to the young'uns. I don't have the energy.

I don't know if I feel like that because I found modelling so incredibly uncomfortable and objectifying maybe?

But I love getting older. I love seeing my face change and adapting the way I do my makeup and the way I dress to suit the 'new' me. I have a style overhaul about every five years or so. Also, I have a much better idea now of what suits me. My hair and makeup when I was young were atrocious! I look much better now I think.

Possibly I'll have a little nip or a tuck in the future if I can be arsed. But I find the older I get, the happier I get with my body.

Funny... my mother was very beautiful, very very very beautiful, and I am not. I think I used to believe, unconsciously, that as I got to older (to the age I remember her at) I would get, if not as beautiful, at least more like her.

I think that's what I'm struggling with -- realising that I'll never get there.

Another one struggling here. I keep thinking in terms of how many years have I got of looking okay and panicking that it isn't many. All very shallow I know.

The biggest kicks in the nuts are the fact that I struggled with acne all my adult life and it is now finally a little more under control just in time for me to be old. I also have more confidence in myself now I'm older and want to wear fashionable clothes but am aware that not only do I have middle age spread but I will look silly in young women's clothing.

I am generally cross with myself that I didn't realise when I was young that I was alright looking and fairly slim & didn't enjoy it, I just crucified myself every time I looked in the mirror.

The only thing that really bothers me about getting older is how gradually you become invisible.
People ignore me now, that hurts a lot as I'm a very sociable person.

My Dd said something quite cheering this morning, she said she works with a woman in her sixties who is really attractive and in her opinion much more so than many of her younger colleagues. So it's not all doom and gloom.

I am 46 and holding it together. Am as happy with my looks as I have ever been (another non stunning teenager here ) so Ravenblack's post fills me with dread. Is all that age and flab going to suddenly hit sometime in the next 4 years?!!!!

I think that as we get older, tactics change and it requires a bit more investment to get results we're happy with. I say this at the grand old age of 37 ;)

But it's been interesting watching my mum, for example, start changing her routines. She's a naturally pretty woman but she's started investing some time and money in her appearance in her fifties. She got a facial mole removed, is fixing up her teeth. She's experimenting with hair cut and colour, buys more expensive skin care and invests in nice clothes. She also started deliberately being more active. It's all quite deliberate, it's her aging experiment.

My sister is younger than me, but had a bit of sun damage and has gone for full on fillers and pricy skin care. She looks great although it wouldn't be my choice. Mind you I'll see how I feel 5 years from now.

As for me, I think I look a lot the same, just older. I sometimes look at photos of young me and wonder why I fretted, but I'm not unhappy now. I definitely fret less.

I'm 35 and will admit to having to always make a little effort now to look decent; at 18 I could get up, drag a brush through my hair, brush my teeth and get out the house. If I did that now I'd scare small children.

Part of it is having the knowledge and understanding to take better care of my skin and body. Part of it is that I now value the strength and health that I took for granted at 18. And part is that I simply like taking care of myself. I'm so much nicer to myself in my thirties than I ever was before; I like myself more.

I'm not yet old enough to really worry about ageing (though I have noticed the grey hairs multiplying recently), but have a similar thing with my weight. I'm tall and was always slim until a number of factors (stressful and long hours job, anti anxiety medication, switching a commute that involved a lot of walking for one that doesn't) meant my sweet tooth caught up with me in my late 20s. I have tried to lose it, but to be honest I haven't tried hard enough; life just seems too busy to be hungry! I am right on the cusp between 'normal' and 'overweight' bmi-wise, so while it's not ideal for my health it's not exactly a crisis either. I don't care nearly as much about being a bit podgy as slim me would have predicted, but what's really surprised me is how slow my mind is to adjust what I 'think' I look like. I've been this weight a good two or three years but I'm still always surprised by seeing myself in the mirror or in photos, in shops I have to stop myself automatically picking up the 10 and remember that I take a 14 now and I even sometimes embarrass myself by trying to go through spaces (eg between tables) that I'm now bigger than! I think it's the same as the 'who is that old woman in the mirror?' thing - I can't quite adjust my idea of 'me' to fit this new reality!

My grandmother was considered a beauty when she was young. She told me that looks don't last and to concentrate on developing my brain and my personality because they'd both be with me forever. So I knew from about age 6 that I would get old and wrinkly one day.

Nevertheless, now that day is here in spades, I do sometimes miss the effect of being instantly attractive.

I HAVE AGE SPOTS ON MY HANDS!!!!!

Mind you, I don't mind that much as every mark or line is testament to my continuing existence. I am hoping that when I'm really old, like about 80, I'll have developed a modicum of wisdom!

In my experience women who 'lose' their looks through ageing weren't that hot to begin with. The truly beautiful (inside and out) only look better with age.

Ageing sucks but I imagine that none of you look as bad as you think you do. I'm guilty of this too and I'm only 32. In my 20's, I had an ED and was underweight with bad skin, short, overly processed hair and very low self esteem.

Now, I would wager that I probably look better, despite the extra decade. I've let my natural black curly hair grow long, gained some poundage and now take a 10, gained fitness and have a better idea of what suits me.

I still worry about looking "older" though but realise that 42 year old me will miss 32 year old me, if that makes sense.

Beauty isn't just what the Kendalls, Gigis and Bellas of this world perpetuate. One of the most beautiful women I have ever seen is a former colleague in her 50s. She's stunning!

I was repulsive as a teen. I'm sorry but that made me . I'm sure you weren't repulsive my dear.

Its not about losing beauty, ageing sucks. I miss my firmer, younger skin, my face looks funny. I lose muscle tone so easily these days and its a struggle to get it back.

I like my life much more now. So I will keep the saggy tum and the lines!

Same here Wolfie.

I would like my beard to go away, though . . . .

I never had any body confidence so being fatter and saggier has had, weirdly, minimal impact on my overall confidence. I still look quite young at 46 and my hair's never been nicer. I am firmly braced for the effects of menopause, though. And I truly believe that women don' t pay for their space in the world with their looks to paraphrase an early feminist that I can't remember