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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should let me drive for once?

138 replies

Diam0nd7 · 31/05/2017 18:10

Will your DH ever let you drive a car if he is a passenger in it? Even though DH currently has his hand in a hard plastic support due to two broken fingers (so I have been offering to drive recently), he still refuses to be a passenger if I'm driving. I've realised today this has been going on as long as I've known him, but I never really thought about it until now. I've been driving for about 20 years, but I don't think I've ever had him as a passenger. I drive the kids all over London every day and am hardly a nervous driver. I have also had less scrapes than him over the years. AIBU to think this he is BU about this?

OP posts:
TheLuminaries · 31/05/2017 18:14

That is odd. My DH & I share the driving if we are out as a family. He usually drives a bit more than me, as I have a longer drive for my commute so like a break, so it is maybe 60/40. Why do you think your DH doesn't want to be driven by you?

LedaP · 31/05/2017 18:16

Dh isnt keen on being a passenger at all. But doesnt refuse to get in if i am driving.

He had a bad accident whe he was a passenger and the other car hit on his side.

I dont mind as i am not bothered about driving and, as i said, he doesnt refuse to let me drive.

LockedOutOfMN · 31/05/2017 18:18

An ex's dad cut his fingers badly with a hedge trimmer one Sunday when we were round there for lunch. He drive his wife, my ex and me to the hospital (a couple of miles away) to get it looked at. I was young and it was a new relationship and I was rather scared of him (the dad not the ex) so I didn't speak out about it. I would do now, though!

Unicorn81 · 31/05/2017 18:20

I always drive now as im a nervous passenger and need to take control

MiddlingMum · 31/05/2017 18:20

For short journeys it tends to be DH who drives but I drive more solo than he does. For longer journeys we take it in turns.

DancingLedge · 31/05/2017 18:20

I think your title sums up the dynamic.

"Let" you drive? Why his choice?

lalalalyra · 31/05/2017 18:21

My DH drives more often than me as he finds it relaxing whereas I it stressful, but with an injured hand it'd be a no-brainer that I'd drive.

Does he let other people drive him or does he detest being a passenger in general?

I wouldn't be letting someone with splinted/broken fingers drive me tbh.

scurryfunge · 31/05/2017 18:21

Has he stated why he will not be a passenger? Do you leave passengers traumatised? Grin. I would find it odd.

skyzumarubble · 31/05/2017 18:23

Dh drives more often because he is a shit passenger. It just results in stress.

Original poster
Diam0nd7 · 31/05/2017 18:25

He has never said I'm a crap driver so I can only presume it's because I'm a woman. He Has let make friends have a spin in his cars and he'll be a passenger then. He can't bend his hand at the moment but still won't let me drive him in "my" car (ie the one with enough seats for the kids).

OP posts:
ChairinSage · 31/05/2017 18:26

My DH doesn't like being a passenger and I don't enjoy driving but we share it regardless. My MIL suddenly found herself having to drive when FIL lost his licence on medical grounds after 42 years of never taking the wheel... huge shock for both of them. I don't want to end up in the same position.

Original poster
Diam0nd7 · 31/05/2017 18:27

male not make!

OP posts:
nuttyknitter · 31/05/2017 18:27

I always drive. I used to get travel sick as a passenger but I also love driving. My DH isn't fussed - in fact the other day he told me I was much better at parking than him!

shesabrick · 31/05/2017 18:34

So hang on. You are saying that your DH won't let you drive your own (or shared) car when he's in it. That's ridiculous and offensive. While I wouldn't think it was ok, I would sort of understand if it was his own car and his pride and joy or something.

Why on earth haven't you challenged this before? Like other posters I would say on balance my DH might drive a little bit more often than me when we are all together for short journeys as I'm better at strapping the kids in and prefer to do that (although I do let him!), but long journeys are 50:50, regardless of which car it is.

Seriously, he is not in charge of you. Is he like this about other things. It sounds very controlling. Next time, get to the car first, in with your belt on and don't move. What are you worried he would do if you held your ground?

Original poster
Diam0nd7 · 31/05/2017 18:37

It's odd because it's taken him having a cast in his hand for me to notice this about him and why didn't I notice it years ago? Confused
Also driving round today (as a passenger) I did notice that probably 9 times out of 10 if there was a couple or family in the car it would be the man driving, so I was wondering how unusual DH is in this behaviour.

OP posts:
shesabrick · 31/05/2017 18:47

You're right in that I don't think it's unusual for the man to usually drive. What is unusual is that he always drives. Have you literally never driven him? You are married, haven't you done any long journeys?!

tabithaa · 31/05/2017 18:48

I don't enjoy driving so jump at the chance when we go out together to be the passenger 😁

SeekingSugar · 31/05/2017 18:52

Odd? No. Offensive, sexist, controlling and rude? Yes.

DancingLedge · 31/05/2017 18:54

In the unlikely event of a serious and costly accident, the insurers would obtain his medical records(this is done as matter of course if enough £££involved).

Driving whilst performance is medically impaired, I think they call it.

NoLoveofMine · 31/05/2017 18:55

Will your DH ever let you drive a car if he is a passenger in it?

I cannot believe this question would even be asked. How could anyone "let" or "not let" you drive a car?

NoLoveofMine · 31/05/2017 18:55

Other than the DVLA.

NoLoveofMine · 31/05/2017 18:56

I think your title sums up the dynamic.

Quite. Astounding this is even asked.

Anditstartsagain · 31/05/2017 18:59

DP drives if we go out because I have chronic pain which driving can trigger and he likes to drive I don't. He wouldn't ever say no to me though that would really anger me. A good few of the woman I know say their dp drives if they are out together I had asked out of interest because I don't like to drive so maybe it's common but I don't think any of them are not allowed to drive.

If it was about poor driving then i'm sure he wouldn't be happy to let you drive your kids.

Original poster
Diam0nd7 · 31/05/2017 19:01

Yes we've obviously done some long journeys over the years but if he's in the car I never share the driving. Fair enough if it's overseas as I do get disorientated on the other side of the road, but it's the same in the UK if we go to Cornwall which is always further than you think. He never seems to wants me to drive so I stopped offering, I think.

OP posts:
Fluffyears · 31/05/2017 19:20

I prefer dp to drive as he's more confident than I am. I do drive when necessary and he's a passenger.

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