To think DH should let me drive for once?

[Diam0nd7]

Will your DH ever let you drive a car if he is a passenger in it? Even though DH currently has his hand in a hard plastic support due to two broken fingers (so I have been offering to drive recently), he still refuses to be a passenger if I'm driving. I've realised today this has been going on as long as I've known him, but I never really thought about it until now. I've been driving for about 20 years, but I don't think I've ever had him as a passenger. I drive the kids all over London every day and am hardly a nervous driver. I have also had less scrapes than him over the years. AIBU to think this he is BU about this?

I think it's a 'man' thing, and they feel slightly emasculated.

There are plenty of men not like this (not that this should be notable nor praiseworthy); whatever the case it's no excuse and is ridiculous and sexist.

"I think it's a 'man' thing, and they feel slightly emasculated"

Why on earth do people have such low expectations of men?

I don't understand how your husband gets to tell you that you cannot drive your own car?

As he has his hand strapped up I would tell him I am not allowing him to drive my car.

Hi -just seen this and wanted to reiterate the point about possible insurance being invalidated if you are driving while impaired ! I broke a small bone in the centre of the back of my hand and wasn't allowed to drive for 16 weeks ! The people at fracture clinic were very clear about it as I questioned it due to living in the middle of no where with very few busses ! Was an utter PITA for four months !

(My DH likes to drive us too - think it's because he likes to be in control of the car if he's in it - I do too - so we sometime race each other to get to the keys ! )

Because we murder more women than they murder us?

I'm not fond of DW's driving in town, what the over revving/stalling caused by her inability to judge engine speed (and no she doesn't watch the revs because she rightly wants to keep her eyes on the road), but I just let it go by. Because love. Also she drove a left handed Peugeot across France, which has earned her a place in Heaven.

"Stop calling me from all corners of the house every time you can't instantly find your phone /cufflinks/ shoes/ whatever as I am not the oracle of all misplaced items".

I had that at one time. I just said my vagina was not an automatic homing device, and it's up to people to keep track of their own stuff.

"He definitely doesnt see himself as a chauvinist. He would not accept that if it was levelled at him. He's quite traditional in some ways,"

He is not the best person to judge his own level of chauvinism, even of his 'traditional ' ways lead him to believe that his male brain knows best.

Are there any traditional ways that are not basically sexist, I wonder?

I will check out the insurance status - thanks!
I don't think I have low standards, but I think, as in most couples, a lot of things are unconscious.
He gets in very well with women and he would never make sexist or lewd comments or anything like that. He's always very polite. We have a boy and two girls and he does clash with DS more than the girls. He thinks he's very open-minded in all spheres and he is for the main part, but he's not always aware when he's being difficult or on the domineering side of normal. He just presumes things and he's not very flexible in the way he thinks.

This is very odd. We do road trips sometimes of a couple of thousand miles and share the driving pretty much equally (although he's kind enough to do the morning stints so I can nap). For local journeys it's similar, sometimes him and sometimes me. Have you asked him why?

What would he think if one of your daughters ended up in a relationship with a boy who thought he was entitled to forbid her from doing certain things, expected them to put their clothes in the wash for them and make food on command then became irritable if challenged on his behaviour?

If he'd be happy enough with it then he's a sexist, if he'd be angry at them being treated in such a manner he's a hypocrite.

But Diam0nd7 the things you mention just don't sound like they should be battles at all in a marriage of two equal adults, that's what's perplexing.

He can't find stuff - you say "sorry no idea" and leave him to it. Sports kits - ignore and leave for him to sort when he needs them. Hungry between meals - yup "there's the fridge". What you describe here sound more like a child. And beyond a certain age they should be doing all this themselves too.

Sounds like the driving thing is the tip of the iceberg with his ingrained misogyny. ('Secret' garages you don't even know the location of WTF?!) Call it 'traditional views' all you want. You need to challenge all of this before your DC learn that this is normal behaviour.

DH is an excellent driver and likes driving.
I'm a decent driver and hate driving. I love it - he drives, I nose out of the window.
However, he has no issue with me driving and is a decent enough passenger.

We share the driving on long journeys and on shorter trips whoevers car we are in drives.
If you look when you are out and there is a man and women in the car, 9 times out of 10 it is always the man driving. I have never understood it myself. Maybe it makes them feel all manly or something!