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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should let me drive for once?

138 replies

Diam0nd7 · 31/05/2017 18:10

Will your DH ever let you drive a car if he is a passenger in it? Even though DH currently has his hand in a hard plastic support due to two broken fingers (so I have been offering to drive recently), he still refuses to be a passenger if I'm driving. I've realised today this has been going on as long as I've known him, but I never really thought about it until now. I've been driving for about 20 years, but I don't think I've ever had him as a passenger. I drive the kids all over London every day and am hardly a nervous driver. I have also had less scrapes than him over the years. AIBU to think this he is BU about this?

OP posts:
Iamastonished · 31/05/2017 20:52

"but I suspect he feels somehow embarrassed being driven about by a woman"

Oh FGS. How old is he? OH is 65 and has no hang ups about being driven by a woman.

surreygoldfish · 31/05/2017 20:52

Yep - another one here where DH drives 95% of the time even on long journeys. I've got used to it - he's not even a good driverConfused

Floralnomad · 31/05/2017 20:52

I do about 80% of driving when we are together , left to dh I'd do 100% of it and I do all the driving if we are abroad unless I'm actually ill because I'm a better driver than he is .

QuietNinjaTardis · 31/05/2017 20:52

I had a horrible phobia of driving. I eventually had to force myself behind the wheel and start driving. Small distances to start, like metres and building it up. I love driving now and have done motorway driving and everything all by myself. proud Dh encourages me to drive and we share equally whether it's shorter journeys or longer ones.
Your dh sounds like a knob.

TheSecretMrsFairbrother · 31/05/2017 20:53

Sorry, ignore my terrible pun at the end there!

PeaFaceMcgee · 31/05/2017 20:57

We share driving. If anything I drive more than DH as I don't like the way he drives.

Sorry if this has been answered, but why don't you just get in the driver's seat first? What would he do?

Not 'letting' you drive your own car is plain wrong and misogynistic controlling behaviour.

Original poster
Diam0nd7 · 31/05/2017 20:59

Also he's good on motorways but otherwise in normal roads, I think he drives to far up the back of the car ahead. He's very stop and start and a couple of times it's hurt my neck. He scraped his other car last week which was his fault. Plus he's invariably on the phone (handsfree) arguing with someone at work.

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 31/05/2017 21:00

My DH hates driving. Drives himself to work and back because it's less unpleasant in his syes than public transport. It's also fasted as he's also a workaholic and leaves the house at 6.30am often not getting home until 10pm.

I often drive all the way to the south of France. DH is better àt teaching the childrsn though.

Huldra · 31/05/2017 21:00

So he's a really crap driver then.

PeaFaceMcgee · 31/05/2017 21:04

Sorry, I see you've said he would be huffing and puffing and telling me I'm being ridiculous.

This in combination with his dangerous driving (tailgating is an offence you know) he sounds like a shit, quite frankly.

angryladyboobs · 31/05/2017 21:04

I hate being a passenger, wish a passion.

I was fine in a car till the moment I was a passenger in a car accident and the person who hit us, hit my passenger door and it made us fly across the road. The damage done to my door made it so I couldn't get out. I had to climb over and get out of the driver side. Since then I'm awful in a passenger position. Even when my dad drove me home after my section, I was shaking like a leaf. Since then I won't be a passenger in a car, I'll even refuse to go somewhere if I can't drive. Unless I'm pissed - that's the only time I don't give a shit about being a passenger.

Maybe he just hates being a passenger.

Considering he has friends as passengers maybe he is controlling?. He likes to be 'in charge' and take over whilst in the car?

Only way I'd be 'ok' with that attitude if he was honestly nervous with anyone else driving.

Original poster
Diam0nd7 · 31/05/2017 21:07

In recent years he has started racing driving on racing tracks with some friends if his and his normal driving has noticeably deteriorated since then. If he gets any more points he will have to go on a compulsory course.

OP posts:
pop000 · 31/05/2017 21:09

My Dad is like this and I find it really odd and old school. My OH tends to drive more than me because I don't have my own car but I would be fuming if my OH did this to me. I would get to the car first and hold open the passenger door for him to get in! Grin

PeaFaceMcgee · 31/05/2017 21:10

Of course he's controlling! Sexist to boot. Why else would a man think a woman is ridiculous for wanting to drive her own car ffs. It's 2017.

I assume he's a loving, respectful and equal partner in other ways OP?

PeaFaceMcgee · 31/05/2017 21:12

Hurting you because he can't drive like a reasonable person would disincline me to ever be his passenger again OP.

Why don't YOU stand there, tell him to get out of your driver seat and that he's being ridiculous driving any car with an injury.

0hCrepe · 31/05/2017 21:20

No I don't relate to this at all. I do all the driving when we're together. Dh isn't a very good driver and we make each other nervous when he drives. I had to pull the car off a drive yesterday for him. I would 'let' him drive though if I couldn't.

Original poster
Diam0nd7 · 31/05/2017 21:21

Pea - Yes fortunately he's generally respectful in wider life apart from the odd irritating trait.

OP posts:
user1493759849 · 31/05/2017 21:23

Yep very odd OP, and he sounds quote controlling tbh.

My DH drives about two thirds of the time, but I'm ok with that as I am not THAT keen on driving. Pottering around our little town yeah, but not on a long journey (like a 400 mile round trip that includes maybe five motorways and three A roads.)

And I agree that you wanting your DH to LET you drive sounds verrrrrry weird. Sounds a bit like a few people I have encountered in the past who seemed shocked that DH LET ME drive our car. OUR car. Like I have to get fucking permission. They get a very short shrift from me. 'It's MY car too, and I have as much right to drive it as he does. Get back to your cave.' One person that said this was a woman the same age as me!

Mum2jenny · 31/05/2017 21:23

Locally my dh is quite happy with me driving, but on long distance he prefers to drive 'as I drive too slowly'.
It's ok with me if he wants the speeding tickets Grin

NapQueen · 31/05/2017 21:28

My mum only drives my dad if he has had a drink. He is a backseat driver with her (never with me!) So I think he doesnt like the way she drives.

I drove all the time for 10 years til dh learned. Now we do 50 50

Okite · 31/05/2017 21:30

It's definitely a control thing. My FIL is the same, he won't 'let' my mil drive him anywhere. Which , when he was hospitalised, and she HAD to drive in the city on unfamiliar roads meant she found it a lot harder than she should have. She knows he does it to keep her dependant on him but she goes along with it anyway.
For me and DH, I largely do the 'family' driving because he drives more for work during the week. Long drives we share. He treats me as an equal partner, as do I to him.

NorthumbrianGirl · 31/05/2017 21:33

Wow, he sounds very controlling and not very respectful of you. I woukd be very unhappy with his sexist attitude.

My dp would prefer to drive than be a passenger. We still take turns driving, as he recognises that anything else woukd be unfair.

Allthebestnamesareused · 31/05/2017 21:35

I don't understand the if he gets any more points he has to go on a compulsory course. Are you not in the UK? Courses here are for those with no points or at least not in past 3 years! Do you mean he has 9 points and if he gets more he'll be disqualified! He'll have to let you drive then!

Lazybones12 · 31/05/2017 21:39

DH drives more than me, just because i am lazy or I have a drink and he's not that bothered, but if he had his way I would drive much more. He hates driving it the city, whereas I don't care. If we are city bound I often get in and take the wheel and he is more than happy.

Naicehamshop · 31/05/2017 21:47

God - he sounds apalling! Listen to yourself: he has two cars which you are not allowed to drive (Hmm) and you don't even know where they are kept?? He refuses to let you drive him and when you (perfectly reasonably) try to get in the driver's seat he tells you off for making a scene? Even worse, he is driving with an injured hand (possibly invalidating his insurance ) and drives so badly that he has injured your neck!

I would be seriously calling him out on this; it's not normal, respectful or even sensible! !

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