I don't have anyone in real life that I feel I can discuss this with, because it is so fucking embarrassing, but I thought that perhaps posting on here would give me some other angles... sorry it's a bit long, at least there are paragraphs ...
I'm pregnant (very early, about five weeks). I didn't want this to happen. We were being careful. Obviously not careful enough.
I have a baby who'll be one in September. I have a history of infertility, IVF treatment and miscarriage before he came along. It was absolutely awful, and I know exactly how lucky I am to have my beautiful boy. I used to hope for two children but I was / am reconciled to having just the one and I genuinely feel very lucky to have him. I'm considering ending this new pregnancy because of my husband.
This new pregnancy was not planned. My husband is horrified at the thought of another baby. He found the early days with our son very difficult and suffered badly with depression due to sleeplessness (although he did not get up much to help) and the change in our relationship (basically, he was very upset that I did not feel very sexy and was not really interested in sex). He was not very emotionally or practically supportive of me in those first weeks/months and I did not have the energy or emotional capacity to take care of him as well as looking after our tiny baby, struggling with breastfeeding, and recovering from c-section. He refused to seek help for his low mood and we have argued about this many times.
He's been pretty clear since our son was born that he doesn't want another. I've felt sad about this but more or less come to terms with it because I feel so lucky with the one child. I've never agreed out loud that we will never have any more because I wasn't 100%.
I don't have any reason to think that he'd find another baby any easier than the first one. He does love our son now, although I think it is still mixed with resentment for how his life has changed. I would say they have a good relationship. He's good at playing with him and takes an interest and pride in his development.
Sex is a big issue in our relationship. He doesn't really understand or accept that I want it less frequently than he does. He thinks there is something wrong with me. He finds it difficult and very hurtful and this manifests itself in some epic grumpiness / huffs / sulks / loud sighing (these are all not quite the right words but will have to do). He thinks that fixing our sex life has to be our main focus and that having another baby will totally screw things up. I think that I am being unfairly compared with some rose-tinted image of what life was like about ten years ago.
I am seriously considering termination and have made an appointment at the clinic (for discussion). If I do this then it is better done quickly and as soon as possible. I feel utterly hypocritical and ridiculous for considering a termination of this pregnancy given my history of struggling and absolute desperation to have a baby. If I do it, it will pretty much be because of his behaviour the first time round. In a nutshell, I believe that having another baby so soon may well cause us to break up and then my little boy will miss out on a proper relationship with his dad. And I'll be bringing up two kids alone. Even if we don't split, it will probably sour things further and even in the best of circumstances, having two under two is one a hell of a challenge. Plus I will be one of those women who returns from mat leave already pregnant - I can front this out and it won't be a problem with public sector HR but still ... I take my career very seriously and it will be difficult with two tinies.
But - it would be a baby and a sibling for my son, and I know I'd love it like crazy. If he was a different kind of person I wouldn't be thinking about a termination; I'd still have some mixed feelings as it's so soon but I'd be happy and I’d make it work. It's a serious thing to do, ending a pregnancy because of someone else. He says I'll blame him for this forever and he has a point.
So - if you're still with me - which is least unreasonable? Continuing the pregnancy even though it'll be a massive strain on a less than brilliant relationship and likely have an impact on my existing child? Or ending the pregnancy because of my husband's feelings? I don't know what the hell to do now. What else should I be considering?