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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this the most stupid parent ever?

169 replies

Booboostwo · 30/05/2017 20:09

Beat this one if you can.

DD has a best friend at school. We often invite the little girl and her parents reciprocate. The first time DD was to be driven by the friend's mum I asked if they needed to take DD's car seat, but the mum said that it was not needed as she had a lot of spare ones.

DD came back from that visit saying that the friend's mum had not strapped her into the car seat but DD was 4yo at the time and I put it down to DD making up stories. DD was driven twice more each time saying she had not been strapped in which got me a bit worried.

The friend had picked up her DD the other day and we were chatting to them while they were both in the car. The friend was not strapped in as she was standing up and showing DD something out of the window. The friend sat back down in her seat and the mum went to drive off, so I said 'oh be careful she doesn't have her seat belt on', to which the mum replied 'It's OK she's sitting in her car seat'.

Is this the world's stupidest parent? Does she really think that the seat itself somehow magically keeps a child safe in case of an accident? Or am I even more stupid for entrusting my DD to this woman?

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 30/05/2017 20:11

Yes

Cherryflamingo · 30/05/2017 20:14

Yes that is incredibly stupid. It would definitely make me reconsider letting her look after your DD - what other stupid things does she do?!

NoSquirrels · 30/05/2017 20:16

Woah. What did you say after she said that?

Run4Fun · 30/05/2017 20:17

Yanbu. It is sadly and surprisingly common according to the police.

DontOpenDeadInside · 30/05/2017 20:17

One of dd1s friends (about 7 at the time) used to be driven home in the front seat with no car seat at all (belt on though) She was/is tiny for her age too so was definitely under the size recommendations. Her parents were both nurses too. I'd have thought they'd be even more careful having seen accidents etc.

Don't let her take your DD again.

Original poster
Booboostwo · 30/05/2017 20:18

She's never having DD ever again. They also have guns which they keep in a locked but open display cabinet in their living room so I dread to think what stupid ideas she has about gun safety.

She just drove off as I was picking my jaw up off the floor.

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 30/05/2017 20:20

My ds 15 decided himself not to travel with his gf 's dm. .
4 seater car with 3 dc wedged in the back unbelted as her dh company car mileage was at the limit so had to use her car!!

anyoldname76 · 30/05/2017 20:25

why would you let someone drive off with your dd not strapped in

bailz · 30/05/2017 20:27

Please tell me you told her? And you explain that the seat needs to be either fastened in using an isofix base or the seatbelt?

Original poster
Booboostwo · 30/05/2017 20:33

any she drove off with HER DD unrestrained, not mine.

I have a feeling my advice would fall on deaf ears and not be particularly welcome. She has 4 DCs, my DD's friend is her youngest so she's had enough time to figure out car seats. I am not in the UK and car seat use is rather lax here. Another parent drives from her house to the school with her toddler DC on her lap. It is a very short distance but the road is busy with other parents and even the slightest accident would risk killing her DS.

OP posts:
Instasista · 30/05/2017 20:34

It's not really surprising if you're not in the UK, there are more countries who don't give a crap about car safety than ones who do

anyoldname76 · 30/05/2017 20:38

apologies i read it wrong

FP239 · 30/05/2017 20:39

Years ago my best friend had a baby and on our first trip out to the shops we were all done and going out to our car. I noticed she hadnt strapped the twenty day old baby in with the 5 point harness and she said that the travel sustem hadnt come with a harness and the belt that goes across the seat, and the car seat itself was to keep the baby safe in a crash. I was all Shock as she genuinely believed this and wouldnt have it any other way ..... until I refused to drive and showed her the holes where the harness connected and then she was still unsure. I made her call mothercare right there and then and they said yes, the harness is a requirement and we are so very sorry etc etc......STILL she wasn't sure about it's necessity. I was even more agog when she pulled the car seat out, propped a bottle up with a blanket and left this tiny baby to try and feed from a bottle on its back while she went to get a taxi. That was the end of our friendship!

user1489675144 · 30/05/2017 20:44

WOW she is stupid and worse... what is the point of a car seat with straps and seatbelt if not used.

If this is her general approach to parenting then you would be right not wanting your daughter to visit their home again.

The guns - some Americans love their guns - there are a large number of reports of deaths of children (by accident) where gun owners have left them laying around, loaded etc etc - stupid is not the word.

Avoid this parent.

Original poster
Booboostwo · 30/05/2017 20:57

We're in France, in a rural area where hunting is popular. Having lived in rural areas I am used to people having guns but they are kept out of sight, in a secure strong box and, I presume, separately from the ammunition. This woman's gun cabinet also had big hunting knives hung on the side, at a level DCs could pick off if they wanted to.

I posted about the gun thing at the time and MN was 50:50 on allowing my DD to visit so I decided to let it go. Then the mum voted for the Front National, and was very vocal about it, but I thought it was very unfair to penilise the DD for her moronic parent. The seat belt thing is the final straw - DD can play with the little girl at school but will not be left in the care of her parents again.

OP posts:
Mustang27 · 30/05/2017 21:11

Oh god yeah because that will stop her dc from having their face mashed off the dashboard in an accident.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 30/05/2017 22:17

I raise you a dad with a newborn in a sling on a bike, wobbling as he's got shopping bags hanging off his handlebars.

GabsAlot · 30/05/2017 23:31

wth are these people mad

BlackeyedSusan · 30/05/2017 23:44

I can throw in a dad who had the big (ie not top) kounge windows open in the second floor living room with two climbing toddlerts and a chair next to the window,

A a dad who can not watch for cars on the flats driveway if he has got his back to the cars when he is running about with a toddler who is known for running off.

Mumoftu · 31/05/2017 00:03

Maybe the seat was Isofix and had a harness attached to the seat so the mum thought she was strapped in but that you thought the seat needed belting in?
Surely no-one could think rattling around perched on a booster seat was safe

Joffmognum · 31/05/2017 00:05

A woman at baby clinic was asking the health visitor why her baby cried when she left the room - shed been "cry training" them and it hadn't worked yet. Baby looked maybe 6 weeks old.

Not as dangerous, but Hmm

LovingLola · 31/05/2017 00:11

The mother at the playground who was complaining that her 9 month old was waking up at 3am. The Health Visitor asked her what she would do at 3am. Her answer was to put a packet of chocolate biscuits in the cot beside the baby....

LovingLola · 31/05/2017 00:12

Not playground - baby clinic..

LauderSyme · 31/05/2017 00:15

Close, but not the most stupid. There's some stiff competition! Shock

ThouShallNotPass · 31/05/2017 00:23

I offered a fellow school mum and her toddler a lift home from dropping our older kids off because it was lashing down with rain. When I tried to strap her son in the seat he started crying and fighting and she said, "Oh no, just leave it. He doesn't like to be strapped in so we just leave him be"

I said I would have to strap him in. No loose kids in my car. Once strapped in though he barely made a fuss at all!

I guess it must be a family thing as a few yeasr before, I watched her older sister throw her infant carrier in the back seat of the car and sit with her 10 day old baby in her arms in the front on one of the iciest winter days I've ever encountered. Most cars were going down the streets like a pinball machine ball, sliding and hitting cars everywhere. Even worse, the model of car she had didn't allow disengaging of passenger airbags. One small bump and that baby could have been killed. Years later I saw her with another baby (a month old) in her lap with her DH driving away from the health visitor clinic.

Some people really are that fucking stupid. And lucky.

A lady from the playgroup I ran always drove away with only the bottom half of her baby strapped in. The shoulder straps were behind the baby and it was clipped loosely over the baby's tummy. Poor baby would have flung straight out in a crash.