Is this the most stupid parent ever?

[Booboostwo]

Beat this one if you can.

DD has a best friend at school. We often invite the little girl and her parents reciprocate. The first time DD was to be driven by the friend's mum I asked if they needed to take DD's car seat, but the mum said that it was not needed as she had a lot of spare ones.

DD came back from that visit saying that the friend's mum had not strapped her into the car seat but DD was 4yo at the time and I put it down to DD making up stories. DD was driven twice more each time saying she had not been strapped in which got me a bit worried.

The friend had picked up her DD the other day and we were chatting to them while they were both in the car. The friend was not strapped in as she was standing up and showing DD something out of the window. The friend sat back down in her seat and the mum went to drive off, so I said 'oh be careful she doesn't have her seat belt on', to which the mum replied 'It's OK she's sitting in her car seat'.

Is this the world's stupidest parent? Does she really think that the seat itself somehow magically keeps a child safe in case of an accident? Or am I even more stupid for entrusting my DD to this woman?

Jaw hitting floor here

I'm a FTM and I've got to ask, do they really need to be in a car seat until they are 12?
I remember riding round in the boot of my dad's car as a child 😣

It depends on their size and how the seatbelt fits them over a certain age. Older children have booster seats (like a cushion they sit on) rather than the full car seat. Depends on the size of the child.

thelonely

The kids strap themselves in once they get older. My dd is 8 and hasn't needed a seat for about a year. I do still keep her in one/on a booster as it is safer and in Ireland/some European countries, the law is up to 150cm.

We're looking at buying a recaro (sp) car seat that's supposed to do DS until he's 12. I laughed when the man in the shop said that because I genuinely thought he was joking. I had a polystyrene booster seat when I was about 7ish I think but after that I just sat in the car like a normal person. What happens if you need to ask someone to pick up your child from school at short notice? What if someone's child is coming over after school? I'm not saying I won't or I don't agree with it, I'm just so surprised!

At a hippy gathering on a farm I worked at a few years ago I was asked if I could use the farm's transit van to drive a group of about 10 children to the local park as they were getting bored. The kids would have been loose in the back.

I said no.
Quite a few of the parents complained that I was being way too cautious

Lonely - buy a spare backless booster, it's useful when friends take your dd out. We also have an extra car seat - one for dhs car and one for mine. It's an older style kiddy and is too small for dd now but her newer kiddy one is just fine. The older one is non isofix and used a lot in friends cars when we went out together. Very useful.

Aren't backless boosters being made illegal? Or have I made that up lol

I thought it was only for a certain height / weight. Perhaps I'm wrong. Dd is around 145 cm so I'm not au fait.

135cm I've been told. Also I too thought that backless boosters were illegal?

Manufacturers can still make and sell backless boosters - but only for use by taller and heavier children, KS2 sort of age/size, not for 4 year olds.

And it is still legal to use an old backless booster that you happen to have - but it's not really a great idea for a 4-7 year old.

DC is 24kg / 125cm so still in a HBB, but we have the Trunki rucksack-booster seat www.trunki.co.uk/collections/boostapak/products/boostapak-green for occasional taxi rides and giving lifts to friends. It's a really excellent booster once the child is large enough to get use out of the rucksack function, although it only fits a packed lunch and a jumper in.

Stupid? Or uneducated?

DS when about four made friends with a small boy in his class; Mum seemed very proper, sensible and organised, baked beautiful cakes and looked wonderful (unlike self). Boy came to play at ours several times, then Mum asked DS to hers for tea and play. Went to collect DS a couple of hours later only to see both boys, with bikes, playing on a grass verge outside the house within inches of cars hurtling along. No sign of Mum - she was inside no doubt dusting icing sugar on a perfect sponge. Near heart attack; collected son and although we stayed as friendly acquaintances and her DS came to play at ours, needless to say he didn't ever return the compliment.

It's a cultural/generational thing, though. In the 70s, my DM was the "strange parent" who insisted on her DC having seatbelts (which had to be fitted as they were not standard in the back of most cars) and refused to transport more DC than she had seatbelts for (she was not popular for that one, as she drove a camper van so could, in most people's view, have fitted loads of DC in)

For this reason, I knew that my DC, when too small to do it themselves, would always be strapped in when with my parents. Not so my PIL - after DC reported that they had been told it was OK "because they were not going far", DH banned them from travelling with PIL.

I know that even here (rural England) some (mostly older) parents will strap DC in, if at all, only because they don't want to get caught (so not on the country lanes where you are very very unlikely to meet any police vehicles), so it doesn't surprise me at all that in rural France it is not the norm at all. Culture takes time to change, unfortunately. In the meantime, OP, I suspect you will have to resign yourself to being that parent.

Ah OP I hope your jaw isn't too grazed.
I've seen someone do this also. But with a 2yo. And in a convertible!

And she was a teacher.

The lesson here is while your DD might only be 4, she isn't stupid and you need to listen to her.

Actually I go that a little bit wrong - the toddler (perhaps 2yo) WAS strapped into his carseat - but the car seat wasn't strapped into the car - just plonked onto the back seat.

And it was a convertible - in the summer, with the top down.
And she was a teacher.

The guns worry me. I believe they are meant to be kept in a locked sheet metal case. (Unless they're decommisioned I suppose). These people sound a public menace!

www.gov.uk/government/publications/firearms-security-a-brief-guide

I think there's a difference between doing things because you think you can get away with them, and honestly not having a clue that what you're doing is wrong. I have Indian family, I've been on those roads with my precious babies with no car seats! It's scary, but normal for people who live there. I also once drove out of my cul de sac without strapping smallest into the car, he was 5 point harnessed in his seat, but as I drove around the first bend the seat tipped and I freaked when I realised I hadn't put the seat belt around him, not sure what sure to blame that on but I never did it again! I do find it easy to believe that some people think car seats are magic and somehow protect your child without having to use any straps! Definite lack of education I think.

Dagenham OP is in France, not UK

I can raise you a man on a hoverboard, pushing a toddler in a pushchair in the cycle lane on the road. One that was painted on, not separated. By the time I had turned the car around he had disappeared into the park sadly.

I knew one who would sit her toddler on her lap inside the seat belt. I asked her if she worried about the crush injuries he would get in an accident if he got squashed between her being flung forward and the seat belt holding him. She looked at me like I was mad and said he was safe, everyone knew that seatbelts kept you safe.

How about a mother pushing her toddler around on an inflatable boat in a flooding flood channel in a city known for flash floods?

Me and 6yo ds watched from our window open mouthed until my dssaid, 'That is REALLY stupid mummy. ' Er, yes.

By the time I got downstairs it had started raining again and they had left. I was going to tell her I had seen flood warnings on the TV. Bloody obvious as schools were closed due to flood risk and roads closed.

And it had been all over everywhere for days.