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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not lend DS2 a quid?

108 replies

PhuqIt · 30/05/2017 17:11

DS2 (16) gets £15 pocket money a week. He doesn't work and spends all the money straight away on energy drinks, doritos and cigerettes. Because of this, he then has a habit of asking to "borrow" money in the week so he can go out with friends. I've tried to teach him budgeting skills, advised him to save £5 a week for unexpected invitations etc but he never does.

He's just waited until I got in from work tonight to ask to borrow £1 so he can "get a drink" whilst out with his mate later. Realistically it is probably to buy a cigerette off his mate.

He's been home all day and done nothing at all. Kitchen was a shit tip when I got in and poor dog was locked in kitchen alone as nobody can be arsed with him when me or DH isn't here.

So I know it's only a quid, but AIBU to say "no, sort your act out"?

OP posts:
NoFucksImAQueen · 30/05/2017 17:12

Yanbu. It's not the quid it's the principal, he'll thank you when he's older

WishfulThanking · 30/05/2017 17:14

I'm shocked you're so casual about him smoking!

LittleBooInABox · 30/05/2017 17:14

Get him to take a 'drink' from home in a plastic bottle. Problem solved no need for a quid.

Original poster
PhuqIt · 30/05/2017 17:15

I'm not, I just didn't want the thread to be derailed by smoking advice. I'm already dealing with that.

OP posts:
Orangebird69 · 30/05/2017 17:15

Yanbu. Lazy little sod. I'd quit the pocket money altogether. I feel sorry for your dog too.

Moanyoldcow · 30/05/2017 17:15

No. YANBU. My son is too young for pocket money but I am planning to give him a fixed amount and he can top it up with some chores (in addition to basic 'family' chores which he will be expected to do regardless).

Is that an option for you?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 30/05/2017 17:16

Suggest if he had taken the dog out /done dishes it may have been a yes.
As it is it's no. .

Msqueen33 · 30/05/2017 17:16

No way would I give him more money. Firstly he needs to learn to budget and secondly he does bugger all around the house to help. So no you're not BU.

khajiit13 · 30/05/2017 17:17

If it wasn't for the smoking I'd lean towards YABU. I wouldn't be funding that though so if he chooses to throw his money away on cigarettes, not a chance in hell would I be topping him up. YANBU op

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 30/05/2017 17:17

YANBU. A quid's a quid at the end of the day. Okay its not a lot, but Its not a little either because these quids soon add up
I never got any pocket money. I had to get off my butt and earn it or I went without luxuries ect.

Sirzy · 30/05/2017 17:18

No chance!

Could you reduce his pocket money to £10 a week and then have him expected to do a certain level of housework to earn the rest/more?

kscience · 30/05/2017 17:19

IMO £15 a week (£60 a month) is excessive...so I would not be "lending" any money not even £1.

Why does your DS need so much disposable income? Has pocket money ever been linked to household jobs?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 30/05/2017 17:19

I'm quite shocked you're so casual about him smoking.

But he's 16. He's not 6. He's perfectly legal to smoke. Not much op can do.

Soubriquet · 30/05/2017 17:20

Hah yanbu

I was coming on to say "it's only a quid" but after reading all that, fuck that

He could earn a quid by walking the dog if he's that desperate

Dearohdeer · 30/05/2017 17:21

YANBU.

BastardGoDarkly · 30/05/2017 17:21

No way. Just for the idleness, especially towards the dog, nevermind the fact he gets plenty of money he chooses to spend straight away on fags.

Yanbu.

Trifleorbust · 30/05/2017 17:21

He's not legal to smoke, is he? Didn't the age go up to 18?

BastardGoDarkly · 30/05/2017 17:22

Think its 18 to smoke now spider ?

Floralnomad · 30/05/2017 17:23

Well if he's 16 he can get himself a pt job . I wouldn't be giving him money to buy cigarettes but if he's got a habit I think I'd be tempted to provide a vaping alternative if he's amenable to that and if he then stops buying cigarettes. For tonight id tell him to walk the dog now before he goes out and you will give him something . In future , as he is unable to budget , perhaps give him his money as £5 every few days to help him learn - we had to do that with my alcoholic granny when she got dementia or she spent all the pension on booze on day 1 and was a pain pestering family for money for the rest of the week .

mynotsoperfectlife · 30/05/2017 17:24

He probably can't get himself a job if he says in the middle of his GCSEs, to be fair.

SandyDenny · 30/05/2017 17:25

Is there a reason he doesn't have a part time job?

ShinyGirl · 30/05/2017 17:28

He'd get fuck all from me if he was buying ciggies, no pocket money or anything.

Floralnomad · 30/05/2017 17:30

If he's got time to go out socialising he's got time to go to work IMO .

ferriswheel · 30/05/2017 17:33

I wouldn't give him a penny because of smoking. One of those Dragons Den millionaires stopped giving their kids money because of smoking. Aside from that I'm divorcing my stbxh and one major reason is his total disrespect for money.

ItsNotRocketScienceThough · 30/05/2017 17:34

Not at all unreasonable.

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