Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not lend DS2 a quid?

108 replies

PhuqIt · 30/05/2017 17:11

DS2 (16) gets £15 pocket money a week. He doesn't work and spends all the money straight away on energy drinks, doritos and cigerettes. Because of this, he then has a habit of asking to "borrow" money in the week so he can go out with friends. I've tried to teach him budgeting skills, advised him to save £5 a week for unexpected invitations etc but he never does.

He's just waited until I got in from work tonight to ask to borrow £1 so he can "get a drink" whilst out with his mate later. Realistically it is probably to buy a cigerette off his mate.

He's been home all day and done nothing at all. Kitchen was a shit tip when I got in and poor dog was locked in kitchen alone as nobody can be arsed with him when me or DH isn't here.

So I know it's only a quid, but AIBU to say "no, sort your act out"?

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 30/05/2017 17:35

Part time jobs for teens aren't that easy to come by, but that's not the issue, nor is the smoking really, it's his attitude at home and being a lazy toad instead of helping at home.
YANBU to tell him to bog off.

cliffdiver · 30/05/2017 17:35

I think it's 18 to purchase cigarettes and 16 to smoke.

I would not lend him any money and concur that at 15 he should 'earn' his pocket money.

nannybeach · 30/05/2017 17:35

Is he still at school full time? I tried giving my DS also 16, an allowance, it didnt work, he spent it all and then borrowed from his younger brother. He has to learn the value of money, it HAS to be earnt, good luck with the smoking. Do you smoke? course, once you give it to them, its "their" money, difficult to have any say what they spend it on. Yup, I like the £5 a week post.

Chewbecca · 30/05/2017 17:36

£15 pw is too much IMO.
He needs a PT job, not pocket money.
And he needs to compete his basic chores around the house (clearing up after himself (& others at times), emptying dishwasher, walking dog, keeping bedroom tidy, putting clothes in washing bin, hanging up towels, all those sort of things) to get any pocket money at all in the meantime.

fleshmarketclose · 30/05/2017 17:36

I'm surprised he's got to 15 and still spends everything he's got at the first opportunity. Most kids IME usually work out quickly that once it's gone you might miss out on opportunities later in the week.
I would definitely not be lending him a penny and would be putting in a few provisos to him getting any more such as pulling his weight around the house, actively looking for a part time job and seeing a GP to get support to stop smoking.

Chocolatecake12 · 30/05/2017 17:39

I agree with pp
Bows a good time to sit him down and talk about him getting a part time job. My ds 15 has been doing a paper round for a year now. He earns more than your ds's pocket money.
He needs to start taking responsibility for himself and his earnings, so give him chores to complete before handing over any pocket money.
And walking the family dog isn't a chore, surely every family member is responsible for him/her.

NellieFiveBellies · 30/05/2017 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 30/05/2017 17:40

YANBU not to give it to him. I would also do as others have said and give him money attached to chores. I only had pocket money attached to chores when I was younger - if he wants that extra quid he can tidy the kitchen!

sizeofalentil · 30/05/2017 17:40

I would have said YABU, but he needs to learn that if he wastes his money on smoking, then he has to cut corners in other aspects of his life to fund it.

ElphabaStrop · 30/05/2017 17:41

YANBU. £60 a month without having to earn it around the house is a lot at 16. If you keep subbing him he'll never learn. I'd actually dock some anyway for locking the dog in the kitchen!

Original poster
PhuqIt · 30/05/2017 17:43

Both my kids are complete slobs around the house leaving wet towels and mucky boxer shorts on the bathroom floors, empty wrappers and mucky pots on the kitchen work tips and their bedrooms are a complete health hazard. I really am fed up of it.

He's just coming upto the end of his GCSEs now and has applied for apprentiships for September but hasn't applied for part time work for the meantime.

I think £15 a week is excessive too - we also pay for his phone contract and £35 a month bus ticket as well as all his clothes. The reason we're paying out so much is because we get child maintenance off their dad and child benefit. Plus as we have quite a high household income we didn't really need the maintenance and CB so decided to split it between them once we'd taken out a share for general living costs. Complicated I know!

OP posts:
TroysMammy · 30/05/2017 17:44

Jobs first then hand over the pocket money as payment. No jobs done, no cash.

harderandharder2breathe · 30/05/2017 17:46

No don't do it!

If you're feeling charitable you could get him to do chores to earn extra as if he was 8 years old although at 16 they should be cleaning up after themselves without bribery

Sirzy · 30/05/2017 17:48

Put the money into savings for them if needed.

But realistically at 16 your doing no favours handing over money with no expectations. He is infor a massive shock when he has to enter the real world!

Violetcharlotte · 30/05/2017 17:48

No yanbu at all!! Your DS2 sounds just like my DS2. It drives me nuts!

Lovemusic33 · 30/05/2017 17:50

No reason why he can't get a job, even if he is doing his GCSE's, I worked whilst taking mine (worked from the age of 14 as my parents refused to give me money). If he wants money then he can earn it, either by doing jobs around the house, walking the dog or he can get a weekend job?

BasinHaircut · 30/05/2017 17:51

definately don't give him a quid and tell him that he gets nothing next week if he doesn't learn to clear up after himself in the meantime.

Time for a life lesson me thinks!

Justaboy · 30/05/2017 17:52

Sod that! him smoking no way if he was my boy!.

Jaxhog · 30/05/2017 17:53

Just say no!

Original poster
PhuqIt · 30/05/2017 17:55

My eldest has worked since he was 13 and is better with money to be fair. DS2 though is just like a small child. Sweets and drinks on the first day then mortified because he has no money left. It happens every week and he doesn't learn! So frustrating.

OP posts:
SweetLuck · 30/05/2017 17:56

Most kids IME usually work out quickly that once it's gone you might miss out on opportunities later in the week

Not if their parents offer top ups they don't.

BewareOfDragons · 30/05/2017 17:56

Stop giving him money: he does nothing around the house, he doesn't even look after your poor dog when he should be, and he's spending your money on cigarettes.

Neverknowing · 30/05/2017 17:56

I would say tidy the kitchen then he can have the money to go out later.
You've been at work all day doubt you want to do it, it could be a good start to asking him to do jobs for pocket money. It'd annoy the crap out of me if I'd been working all way and came home to a tip (but then I don't have teenagers and may be talking out of my arse)

EssentialHummus · 30/05/2017 17:57

Not a chance. Not funding smoking, for one, but at that age he needs to adhere to your standards and do some chores for cash. Blimey, I'd take your dog out for £15 a week!

memyselfandaye · 30/05/2017 17:59

One whole actual pound for a fag? In my day it was 20p for a single at the corner shop.

His mate must be doing ok if he's selling them for a pound each.