Posting for traffic - hen do AIBU

[ComingUpTrumps]

At the risk of completely outing myself, I'd like to ask you for some advice please. It's about a hen weekend that I'm organising in Oxford for 12 people from 9th to 11th June.

(I posted a similar thread about hen do costs a couple of weeks ago).

I'm meant to be organising the hen weekend with two other people. One of those people (Person A) has very important exams coming up until the day before the hen weekend, and they'll of course need to focus on these. They've requested not to be involved in the hen weekend planning because they need to revise for these exams.

Person B is on holiday at the moment. They're currently on a plane to a long-haul destination, and will have patchy WiFi access throughout their holiday. They'll be on holiday until 2 days before the hen weekend.

I'm now in charge of organising, which I'm happy with. I also am job-hunting right now, so I'm not working, which also means that I have more free time than A and B.

However, the problem is that I can't get into contact with A or B very easily at the moment, because one is on holiday and the other is preparing for their exams.

I've emailed and WhatsApped them both with constant updates about the organisation of the hen weekend so far, just to keep them posted and aware of developments, however (understandably), since last week, I haven't had feedback from either of them about the organisation and plans.

Our itinerary is the following:

Friday evening:
Train to Oxford
Taxi transfers from Oxford station to accommodation.
Pizza at accommodation.

Saturday:
Breakfast (included in accommodation price for Saturday and Sunday).
Dance lesson.
Lunch (£25 per person, as we booked from a set menu).
Punting
Taxi transfer from punting place to accommodation, so we can get ready for evening.
Taxi transfer from acccomodation to Oxford city centre for evening.
Dinner in Oxford (booked from £25 set menu of 3 courses)
Bar in Oxford
Taxi transfer from Oxford to accommodation.

Sunday: breakfast at accommodation, and then train home.

The problem, firstly, is that I've sent out emails to the other attendees (not including the bride) requesting part of the payment. The payments are needed as we need to pay for the Saturday morning dance lesson in full when booking it. I sent them an initial email with a payment request on Friday afternoon. A few got back to me saying they'd pay me on the weekend, but I haven't yet received payment from them. I sent out another follow-up payment request email this morning (I was requested to by person B in case people didn't respond to the first payment email). In total, I've only been paid by one person.

The other issue is the timings of activities on the Saturday. I could only get a restaurant reservation for 9pm on Saturday night (after phoning about 15 restaurants). Do you think this is too late? What complicates matters is that one member of our group is vegan, so although the restaurant have said that they can cater for her (they're not a vegan-only restaurant), I'm not sure what she'll be able to eat. Person B also didn't like the restaurant menu.

A further issue (sorry!) is the cost. Oxford is a very expensive city. All of us are paying for the bride's costs (apart from her train ticket to and from Oxford), so we've all decided to pay an extra £20 each. This means that the whole weekend will cost at least £284.50 per person (with taxi transfers and train tickets included, but not including drinks).

Help!

a) Am I being unreasonable to ask people to pay this?

b) How do I get people to pay?

c) Can I pull off organising the hen do?

Only one person's paid, after two 'final' payment deadlines? And you can't get hold of one organiser because she has critical exams right up to the hen night, or the other because she's on holiday until two days before?

FFS. Tell the bride, in as light-hearted a way as you can, that her hens seem to be ignoring your requests to finalise plans, and that unless you have deposits by the end of the week from everyone (have the Missing in Action 'organisers' paid up??!) then it's going to be a bus tour round London and a latte from Pret. Full stop.

Surely if no one has paid then nothing is booked ?

Is the hotel okay with no payment so far?

I think I would get people to travel first thing on Saturday for the dance lesson, swap the lunch for something cheaper, where people can have something lighter... and is there any way of getting cheaper accommodation for the Sat night? Maybe just you and the other bridesmaids and bride stay the Fri night as a treat for her? Give the others the option too obviously.

I think the two activities sound nice/fun, so lunch and accommodation are the two areas you can save on. Obviously time is running short for changing accommodation though!

Hi everyone.

Thank you all so much again for all of your help and suggestions!!

I've cut costs a bit by suggesting a picnic lunch instead of 3-course lunch on Saturday (so £5-£10 per perso instead of at least £25(!!)) For drinks after dinner on Saturday, I've suggested trying out other bars instead of the one that had the ridiculous £20 cover charge before even paying for any drinks.

I've started receiving payments, which is great too. I won't be booking anything until I get payments from everyone.

Thank you all again for all of your help.

(In case anyone's wondering, A and B are still AWOL ).

Has the dance lesson be paid for OP?

That alone would put me off going full stop...

The rest sounds fab though. Prosecco, scones and strawberries by the river would be cheap.

Good news OP.
How many have actually paid though ?

At this stage I'd email the non payers personally and ask them to confirm to you if they're still intending to go to all of it and if so to get the money across asap. I suspect some people are still swithering about going on the Saturday rather than Friday - I know I'd be reluctant to fork out for a hotel when it's possible to get to the location easily the next morning.

Fingers crossed it all works out and never, ever volunteer again. ( I organised my own hen do - £50 per person for two nights in a youth hostel type place with about £10 for food and drink. I wanted to organise it myself because I am a control freak because I hate that feeling of being at the mercy of someone else's budget decisions and if anyone dropped out I wanted to pay for their share myself rather than making other people do it )

I think you've done a brilliant job of organising all this. I'm not sure why other people are posting to suggest alternative plans - it's far too late to be debating costs and itinerary.

All that's left to be done is issue the ultimatum, "You need to pay me by [date] or you can't come." Let Persons A and B know that since you've done all the planning and booking, they will be managing the payments on the day.

Once that's done, relax and have a brilliant time! Well done you!

Ignore A and B, you don't want them sharing your glory when the weekend is a success. Good luck, have fun.

An early evening ghost tour would be fun!

Thanks so much everyone for all of your tips and advice so far! I really appreciate it.

I've just got a bit of a silly question to ask. We're planning to do a 'Mr and Mrs'- style game on the weekend, so the idea is that I'll think up a list of questions about the bride and groom, and then meet with the groom to record his answers. On the hen weekend itself, we'll then ask the bride the same questions before playing back the groom's answers.

My question is I'm sure I'm overthinking this should I send the groom these questions in advance before meeting with him, or should I only show him the questions when we're recording them?

Sorry for the daft question! Just wanted to check.

Only show him when recording!!

Thanks Professional! :) that's what I thought too, but other bridesmaid disagreed.

Also, just to ask I am definitely overthinking this I'm ordering a hen do cake for the bride, and I'm thinking about what message I should write on the cake.

Here's a riddle for all you lovely MNers: the message can only be 25 characters long, and capital letters count as two characters. The bride's name is five letters long.

So I can have: 'Happy hen do XXXXX (bride's name)'. This seems a bit boring. But I can't have: 'Happy hen weekend XXXXX'.

Can anyone help me think of a nice message that comes within the character limit please?

As another possibility for a message on the cake, what do you all think of: 'Congratulations XXXXX!' It fits within the character limit, but maybe it's a bit boring.

Anyone with suggestions? :) (Sorry to ask such a boring question!!)

sorting hen do-pain inass

Have skimmed through the thread but have a look at air b n b for places to stay in oxford and consider around Cowley Road which has tons of places to drink and eat and is a very multicultural area.

In the centre there is also now a cosmos near Debenhams which is an all you can eat Buffett where you can really fill up and then wander around town, the museums etc etc

What about

(Brides name) + (Groom's name) 4 EVA.

Ironic innit.

I've just checked Groupon for Oxford and there are some great deals there:

• 'The Great Game' is a mystery landmark hunt across Oxford (walking) that ends up in a nice pub with 20% off drinks and a prize. £9.95 for the map & instructions.

• Jamie's Italian: 2 course meal for 4 people for £58. You can book in advance or just turn up. The limit is 6 people per table but you can buy multiple vouchers and have more tables.

Have a look.