Posting for traffic - hen do AIBU

[ComingUpTrumps]

At the risk of completely outing myself, I'd like to ask you for some advice please. It's about a hen weekend that I'm organising in Oxford for 12 people from 9th to 11th June.

(I posted a similar thread about hen do costs a couple of weeks ago).

I'm meant to be organising the hen weekend with two other people. One of those people (Person A) has very important exams coming up until the day before the hen weekend, and they'll of course need to focus on these. They've requested not to be involved in the hen weekend planning because they need to revise for these exams.

Person B is on holiday at the moment. They're currently on a plane to a long-haul destination, and will have patchy WiFi access throughout their holiday. They'll be on holiday until 2 days before the hen weekend.

I'm now in charge of organising, which I'm happy with. I also am job-hunting right now, so I'm not working, which also means that I have more free time than A and B.

However, the problem is that I can't get into contact with A or B very easily at the moment, because one is on holiday and the other is preparing for their exams.

I've emailed and WhatsApped them both with constant updates about the organisation of the hen weekend so far, just to keep them posted and aware of developments, however (understandably), since last week, I haven't had feedback from either of them about the organisation and plans.

Our itinerary is the following:

Friday evening:
Train to Oxford
Taxi transfers from Oxford station to accommodation.
Pizza at accommodation.

Saturday:
Breakfast (included in accommodation price for Saturday and Sunday).
Dance lesson.
Lunch (£25 per person, as we booked from a set menu).
Punting
Taxi transfer from punting place to accommodation, so we can get ready for evening.
Taxi transfer from acccomodation to Oxford city centre for evening.
Dinner in Oxford (booked from £25 set menu of 3 courses)
Bar in Oxford
Taxi transfer from Oxford to accommodation.

Sunday: breakfast at accommodation, and then train home.

The problem, firstly, is that I've sent out emails to the other attendees (not including the bride) requesting part of the payment. The payments are needed as we need to pay for the Saturday morning dance lesson in full when booking it. I sent them an initial email with a payment request on Friday afternoon. A few got back to me saying they'd pay me on the weekend, but I haven't yet received payment from them. I sent out another follow-up payment request email this morning (I was requested to by person B in case people didn't respond to the first payment email). In total, I've only been paid by one person.

The other issue is the timings of activities on the Saturday. I could only get a restaurant reservation for 9pm on Saturday night (after phoning about 15 restaurants). Do you think this is too late? What complicates matters is that one member of our group is vegan, so although the restaurant have said that they can cater for her (they're not a vegan-only restaurant), I'm not sure what she'll be able to eat. Person B also didn't like the restaurant menu.

A further issue (sorry!) is the cost. Oxford is a very expensive city. All of us are paying for the bride's costs (apart from her train ticket to and from Oxford), so we've all decided to pay an extra £20 each. This means that the whole weekend will cost at least £284.50 per person (with taxi transfers and train tickets included, but not including drinks).

Help!

a) Am I being unreasonable to ask people to pay this?

b) How do I get people to pay?

c) Can I pull off organising the hen do?

To be honest, I think your main issue is the location you've chosen. 5 miles from the city centre automatically means you are paying for transport backwards and forwards for 3 days, and it may be more cost effective to find a B & B or other hotel closer so you can lose those costs? I've never booked a city break then stayed outside of the city. But you've been left to arrange it, and I'd stop worrying about everyone else and make it cost effective for all of you. I'd say breakfast and evening meal need booking, lunch can be sandwiches/cafes and keep the costs down.

I'd sack of the dance class and take a wonder around the city as there is lots to see, plus you have the punt.

Don't bother with the lunch either. Place a click and collect order or if you want it a bit fancier head to M&S in town and take cheese, bread, hams, olives (ask the vegan what to buy for her) and wine on the punts to enjoy on the river for your lunch.

That alone with save you about £28 (£12 for lots of food and wine is loads if you buy it in)

Oxford has a super bus network so you can take these in the day and just get a cab back at the end of the night.

As for the 9pm dinner time, I wouldn't worry, people like to take their time getting ready and things always over run. If you are all ready early just reseal a bar near the restaurant and go there (which restaurant - I know Oxford quite well).

If you want to do something more formal in the morning plan a treasure hunt - asking groups to buy small tokens from certain places - id include Bens Cookies in this - sooo good.

Have fun!

I really can't understand why you chose a hotel that isn't even in Oxford? Surely staying in Oxford for the weekend means staying in Oxford for the weekend?
And are you saying you are paying someone to punt for you? You've just stripped all of the fun out of the activity. No one knows how to punt until they've gone punting for the first time.
It's expensive to live in Oxford but it's not more expensive to eat or drink in than any SE city and if people are coming from London they won't be at all surprised by the prices.
I think the cost of taxis is going to be far more than just having a city hotel, it doesn't have to be in the dead centre but Oxford is a tiny city with pretty much everything in walking distance.
Still bewildered as to why anyone would come here for a weekend though unless they are an American or Japanese tourist who likes old buildings.

To be fair person A should have pulled out of organizing this - they are causing their own stress in a way!

was the cost floated before? To be honest even the most chilled brides seem to be mental about the hen do at the moment!

Poor you!

The only way you could make it significantly cheaper is to have only one night - do the night out in Oxford on the Friday and travel home on the Saturday night (or arrive Saturday, leave Sunday). I do feel for you - you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

If most people are from London then I'd definitely scrap the dance class at Oxford - it's not a particularly Oxford thing to do and there are so many dance classes in London for adults you could do it there another time.

If you need something other than punting to fill the day, have you thought about a walking tour? There are brilliant official ones and IIRC they're not very expensive. If nobody is an Inspector Morse fan there are other tours including a general "film & tv locations" one.

Where are you staying? Oxford is quite a small city and the railway station is close to the centre so you may well be able to walk from your train on Friday evening to the accommodation and also walk back there after punting on Saturday.

There's an M&S at Oxford station so maybe everyone would be happy to buy "bits" and some wine there off the train instead of getting the pizzas on Friday night. (This might just be my preference. I love M&S "bits" and miss them desperately living abroad).

As other posters have said, you could cancel the dance lesson so that everyone gets a lie in and also cancel the lunch and go for a picnic either in the Meadows or in your punt. There's a branch of the Oxford ice-cream shop called G&Ds by the river (just before the Folly Bridge...go down St. Aldate's away from the Cornmarket towards the river) where you can get nice cakes and bagels and coffee and stuff as well as ice-cream. You could always add on an extra half hour of punting. I'd say 2 hours is good for punting. Enough for everyone to have a go and to explore but not so long you get cold and bored.

Some bars and pubs in Oxford are quite reasonably priced so your after dinner drinks on Saturday evening need not be excessively expensive. As you say your dinner is at 9pm you can go to The Duke Of Cambridge cocktail bar on Little Clarendon Street (near Brown's restaurant - just north of the centre) for happy hour for classy but inexpensive cocktails. At the end of the night, the cheesy so bad they're kind of good nightclubs are all pretty cheap too.

Have a wonderful time and good on you for organising it all, OP.

I paid just under £300 for a hen weekend in London, that was one night in a hotel, London bus afternoon tea tour, champagne ride on the eye and meal out and night at piano bar, we covered all brides expenses other than hotel which her mum paid.
Had the best time ever. It was a lot of money for me but the bride was amazed and so happy, and we really did have the best time.
I'm sure yours will be a success with all the effort you're putting in x

Oh and I agree you don't need 2 three course meals! Picnic lunch would be perfect and much cheaper.

By what you've said your group don't seem to have an issue with cost. So don't worry. If you want to reduce the cost assuming it's a nice weekend - picnic along the river before the punting?
The person on holiday - message her saying this will be happening payment in 3 days or we can't book dancing - it was her idea make sure she knows the dancing will be cancelled if she doesn't pay. She may be on holiday but she will probably check her phone to message family whilst away.
The one doing exams WILL take a break - Boone revises for 24 hrs a day. Send her a bright and breezy message - hey, hope the revising is going well, will need the payment for hen do by xxx date or we will struggle for the resturant. Hope the exams go well, look forward to seeing you soon. Send it at 6/7pm, she probably be having tea or sitting down to chill out by then.
As for the 9pm, I would find that late. You won't please every guest with the food choice. I take it the numbers are causing an issue? Try ringing round a few more places and see what happens. Would everyone enjoy an Indian takeaway with movies and popcorn? See if the hotel will let you use the conference room for cheap and use the projector? Everyone can chill in dressing gowns and have face mask, makeshift foot spas? Ask the hotel if they will shift some sofas in there for you? It will help with the cost as well. You can still drink and ask the hotel to supply some bottles of wine, processeco, little nibbles etc? Give everyone aside from A and B the option (obviously include them in the message and say we can do this BUT it's a late meal, or we can do snacks etc in the room. Don't make it about the cost, just say about how hen wanted something cheap and cheerful and you were concerned that 9pm was too late for a sit down meal.

I wouldn't pay that,sorry.i simply wouldn't have it spare😧Could this be why they haven't got back to you

I think people haven't paid as they can't afford it. My advice is to say that things aren't booked until you get the money. Have a word with the bride.

By the way the best hen do I was on was a picnic in a park. We all met in a fancy park in London ( where they all lived) so yes I had train costs, but we brought fizz, everyone brought food, we played children games and then whoever wanted to went in to a bar in London which wasn't expensive. But it was a hoot. Relaxed but the games were fun and no one ended up out of pocket.but then I can't understand those that do the big hen party weekends

What's the point of the first night? Can't people just get there for the dance class or punting depending on where they're coming from? If they're coming from london there's no need for the first night....

It seems quite late notice to start changing everything now, so I would stick with what you have.

However, I would send an email/text to everyone saying if you don't have all the money owing in your bank account by (insert date you have to pay restaurants etc by) then you will have to cancel and advise bride accordingly.

zeeboo I didn't book the hotel. Person B did.

A picnic lunch sounds like a lovely idea. As does everything else that everyone has suggested so far. Thank you all. You're fantastic

I just need to run this all past A and B, but they're both out of action. Bloody frustrating

I'm never ever agreeing to organise a hen do again.

Don't bother running it past them! You could be waiting days to hear back. Or perhaps just send a message to both saying "these are my thoughts, if I don't hear back from you by tomorrow, I'll go ahead and get booking".

Is the hotel definitely booked up and paid for for the two nights, or could it be cut down to one?

Can you not book a lodge? That means you can go to marks and get the 2 can dine which means loads of wine to drink, then you just need to sort nibbles.

Why can't the Bride pay for herself? Would that take much off the cost? It's an awful lot of money, I'm not suprised people are being sheepish about it. £250 before drins, food or clothes? That's crazy.

What do you mean a lodge, fanny? Sorry - I'm not sure what they are

chips I contacted the hotel about a conference room, and they don't have one available unfortunately. V good idea though - thank you

OP how well do you know the bride?

I think you need to consider A and B out of action for now!

Can I ask when you asked for money and were you expecting it by electronic transfer?

There is a Travelodge next door to the Peartree Park and Ride with buses leaving every 10 minutes or so and the trip into the city centre taking only 10 or 15 minutes. Reasonable restaurant for breakfast

All breakfasts are included in the accommodation price.

Italian yes, of course - the bride is a very close relative. I'm really sorry, but I can't go into further detail about what kind of relation she is - I've already been hugely identifying (this is intentional, because I just wanted to get as much advice and feedback as possible, so thanks so so much to everyone who has posted. I really appreciate all of your thoughts and advice).

I sent out an original email asking people to pay by bank transfer last Wednesday (24th May). I sent out another email, again with my bank details included, this afternoon. Only one person has paid.

I have asked MNHQ to remove my OP though (only my OP), because it is so identifying.

Realistically considering you're only doing things on Saturday ... it's £300 for one day so no I wouldn't pay that x why so many taxis? Get accommodation in a more reasonable location ?

Sorry OP do not want you to identify yourself.

Tell the bride only one person has paid. Send the full derails to all again with your bank details.

Do not pay deposits until you have the money.

Good luck.