Posting for traffic - hen do AIBU

[ComingUpTrumps]

At the risk of completely outing myself, I'd like to ask you for some advice please. It's about a hen weekend that I'm organising in Oxford for 12 people from 9th to 11th June.

(I posted a similar thread about hen do costs a couple of weeks ago).

I'm meant to be organising the hen weekend with two other people. One of those people (Person A) has very important exams coming up until the day before the hen weekend, and they'll of course need to focus on these. They've requested not to be involved in the hen weekend planning because they need to revise for these exams.

Person B is on holiday at the moment. They're currently on a plane to a long-haul destination, and will have patchy WiFi access throughout their holiday. They'll be on holiday until 2 days before the hen weekend.

I'm now in charge of organising, which I'm happy with. I also am job-hunting right now, so I'm not working, which also means that I have more free time than A and B.

However, the problem is that I can't get into contact with A or B very easily at the moment, because one is on holiday and the other is preparing for their exams.

I've emailed and WhatsApped them both with constant updates about the organisation of the hen weekend so far, just to keep them posted and aware of developments, however (understandably), since last week, I haven't had feedback from either of them about the organisation and plans.

Our itinerary is the following:

Friday evening:
Train to Oxford
Taxi transfers from Oxford station to accommodation.
Pizza at accommodation.

Saturday:
Breakfast (included in accommodation price for Saturday and Sunday).
Dance lesson.
Lunch (£25 per person, as we booked from a set menu).
Punting
Taxi transfer from punting place to accommodation, so we can get ready for evening.
Taxi transfer from acccomodation to Oxford city centre for evening.
Dinner in Oxford (booked from £25 set menu of 3 courses)
Bar in Oxford
Taxi transfer from Oxford to accommodation.

Sunday: breakfast at accommodation, and then train home.

The problem, firstly, is that I've sent out emails to the other attendees (not including the bride) requesting part of the payment. The payments are needed as we need to pay for the Saturday morning dance lesson in full when booking it. I sent them an initial email with a payment request on Friday afternoon. A few got back to me saying they'd pay me on the weekend, but I haven't yet received payment from them. I sent out another follow-up payment request email this morning (I was requested to by person B in case people didn't respond to the first payment email). In total, I've only been paid by one person.

The other issue is the timings of activities on the Saturday. I could only get a restaurant reservation for 9pm on Saturday night (after phoning about 15 restaurants). Do you think this is too late? What complicates matters is that one member of our group is vegan, so although the restaurant have said that they can cater for her (they're not a vegan-only restaurant), I'm not sure what she'll be able to eat. Person B also didn't like the restaurant menu.

A further issue (sorry!) is the cost. Oxford is a very expensive city. All of us are paying for the bride's costs (apart from her train ticket to and from Oxford), so we've all decided to pay an extra £20 each. This means that the whole weekend will cost at least £284.50 per person (with taxi transfers and train tickets included, but not including drinks).

Help!

a) Am I being unreasonable to ask people to pay this?

b) How do I get people to pay?

c) Can I pull off organising the hen do?

and skeleton- Driving/ parking in Oxford is difficult/ expensive, even if more cars were going

What's the breakdown of costs?

The best part of £300 excluding drinks seems quite dear, and you run the risk of people not coming because of the extra cost of the meals/activities... Which will bump up costs for others.

Are the activities compulsory?

Is the bride a drinker? A three course meal at nine for twelve people may not finish up til half ten/eleven, and dancing in a club is hard work straight after a large meal.... So if the bride was expecting a big party night it might fall a bit flat. Personally I'd rather have the food!

I'm so sorry to hear that about the hen you organised RN :( that's not fair at all.

Person B has also mentioned that they've had a similar experience of people not paying. It's rubbish, isn't it :( and definitely not on.

In answer to posters who've asked this, the bride asked me to organise the hen do with A and B.

I had cheap and cheerful (2 years ago) we went for dinner, everyone picked what they wanted and could afford

If it were me I'd tell people to get themselves to the punting for (e.g.) 2pm, take a picnic (readymade from marks or Waitrose), keep dinner and the hotel for the Saturday night. Ditch the dance and pissing about. After punting it's all back to the brides room with some cheap lidl fizz and do each other's make up, hair and nails - stock up on face masks etc in Superdrug or even mess around making your own out of avocados and oats!

Purple your hen weekend sounds really nice.

Nobody going to the hen weekend comes from Oxford - most people are coming from London, so we'd have to stay for 2 nights probably.

We're in a small hotel for the weekend (sorry, I should have mentioned), so we probably won't be able to fit in one room together.

We did look into booking a cottage just outside Oxford, but this was even more expensive due to taxi transfers to and from Oxford city centre.

Lots of accountancy exams that week. If A works for one of the large firms it is often "do or die" with students losing their jobs if they fail or having to take unpaid leave for resits. One of the professional bodies has a pass rate of around 35% for some of their papers, so you go into the exam room knowing you have a 2/3 chance of failing. Stress levels are peaking!

Its so hard to get people to pay!!

I lived in Oxford for years, you don't need so many taxis! Which hotel is it? The train station is right in the city centre and so are all the main bars and restaurants and a few hotels all well walkable even in big heels! I used to go out most nights when i lived there and we got a bus from where we lived but then just walked everywhere once we were in the city centre. Punting is ok but you need time to relax and good weather, if you need to get to lunch at a set time it might be quite stressful really so cut one of those activities.

That's not cheap and cheerful at all. Scrap a £25 lunch. Scrap a dance lesson. Mooch around the shops, have a sandwich.

On the plus side, if they pass they should have a nice, juicy pay rise to pay for who ever has a hen do next!

So I guess the big costs are Saturday lunch and Saturday dinner, and dance lesson on Saturday.

I'm still not sure how to reduce these costs, as the bride is a big 'foodie' (sorry, hate that word), and A and B are also expecting a 'naice' lunch and dinner on the Saturday.

The punting works out to around £3 per person (6 people per punt for an hour is £18. 2 punts needed for all 12 of us is £36 altogether. £36 divided by 11 is just over £3 per person, to save the bride from paying). But we'd have to punt ourselves, and none of us know how

Yes you can pull this off. As others have said cut out lunch and punting. After the dance lesson go to a pub and everyone can order what they want and pay for themselves ( thinking Wetherspoons burger and a drink offer).
9pm is not too late to eat at night. By the time you're all ready over a few bottles of fizz .
It's hard to get money from people, I've organised a few hen nights, but don't pay for people who promise to come. Send a group WhatsApp with all details and breakdown. When someone confirms others tend to follow (In my experience anyway!)

This is the fudge making, but it has changed and got a bit pricier since we did it. www.fudgekitchen.co.uk/fudge-experiences/fudge-making-for-groups/

And the comedy club has moved but I you could have a fish and chip supper and this. www.glee.co.uk/venues/oxford/

It was only about 3 years ago we went so sorry it has all changed so much.

Yes you're right Sticker - it is accountancy exams. Person A is very, very, very stressed. I can understand why. The material they need to cover, and the timing of the exams (3 long and incredibly intellectually demanding written exams over 2 days) makes it extremely stressful. I have been careful to support her and not to stress her out.

Thank you Dippy

Fanatical the hotel is Hampton Inn by Hilton, so around 5 miles away from the city centre.

Ah I was going to ask re whether you were punting yourselves.... It's not that hard- Friend punted bride and groom up river this weekend and he'd done it once before

And it is perfectly possible to day trip Oxford- London. Either on the train or one of the coaches that go from Victoria so it needn't be two nights.

But June, having a picnic in the university parks should hopefully be lovely (although it is the last weekend of University term so might be a bit mad)

OP I think your weekend sounds great and really well planned. All of it appeals to me. The dancing and punting sound great - much better than shopping /sitting drinking all day etc.

It's difficult to tell if it's too expensive. This completely depends on the guests and what they are used to. If they have been given time to save and the accommodation and restaurants are good quality, it seems reasonable compared to some of the hen weekends discussed on MN. I do agree with other posters about scaling back Saturday lunch. It is too expensive and just too much food in ome day. A few nice things from a bakery and a bottle of fizz in a park would be much cheaper and more fun.

To get people to pay?- I think you need to contact each one personally, preferably by phone. I'm always staggered at how normally cooperative people lose their manners and fail to respond to group emails.

c) Can I pull off organising the hen do? Absolutely - you a mostly there by sound of it. I would definitely keep dinner at 9pm and go for a couple of drinks beforehand though (or have them whilst you are getting ready together for the night out to cut costs).

I would ditch the dance lesson, the punting is a nice touristy thing that you wouldn't get in most uk towns or cities so I'd keep that

£25 for lunch is a lot! Certainly not cheap and cheerful!

And 9pm is very late for dinner to me, I'd be tempted to say order a takeaway to the accommodation for half the price.

Tell everyone that they have until x day to pay or they can't come. And stick to it.

I'm from Oxford & you can do it way cheaper.
Do you actually want to do punting, the river cruises can be cheaper & more time for wine 🍸 honestly you won't get far so won't see much.
Have lunch in one of the sandwich places in the covered market or get a pretty and go sit in one of the parks / by the river.
Don't know if it's your thing but the bus tours & colleges are great.
You can bus/walk everywhere it's such a small city.
The buses usually go to 2/3am.
Do not get a taxi from a taxi rank in St Giles ( near the Randolph) they are a rip off.

Is the hotel booked now? I.e is it too late to look for something else? Sorry if I missed this answer already.

I had my hen do in Oxford about 5 years ago, so admittedly it was some time ago, but we managed a 2 night stay in a big house outside the city, all food, an activity and taxis into town for about £150 each.

I do appreciate, however, that it is probably too late in the day to start massively changing things up.

Cominguptrumps thought so! It sounds like she's going to have a great weekend once she gets there, it's just she can't see past her exams at this point. You tend to forget life goes on around you.
One of my students a few years ago lost her mum in the middle of exam week and her partner had to make the call on whether to keep the news from her for 24 hours (he did, she passed & forgave him).

Having seen recent posts - keep strong and remember it's not person A or person Bs hen do, but the bride's! If they don't like menu, tough, there will always be one fussy pants!

This is why these away weekends are such a bad idea. People end up not paying or backing out at the last minute because these damn things cost so much and then you're expected to pay for the bride. I'd scrap the whole thing and just go for an evening out somewhere local.

Thank you so much everyone.

The restaurant I've provisionally booked for lunch is Cherwell Boathouse, where we've been asked to choose the summer set menu.

And the restaurant provisionally booked for dinner is Pierre Victoire, where we've been asked to choose the 'party menu' (£25 per person).

Oh my gosh Sticker that's such a horrible situation for her. I'm so sorry.