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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this disrespectful?

124 replies

Littlemissindependent · 28/05/2017 08:25

'D'p and I on a weekend break. Fairly new relationship but so far all going really well. Yesterday afternoon whilst out, 3 'women' pissed out of their trees thought it would be hilarious to flash him their boobs Hmm. Which he then thoughtfully high fived them for.
I will be the first to admit that I have feck all self confidence, so a very small part of me does wonder if I'm in the wrong. But for the most part I just feel he was really disrespectful and inconsiderate towards me. He doesn't think he's done anything wrong. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 28/05/2017 08:28

Ewwwwwww. That was not cool of him.

Soozikinzii · 28/05/2017 08:30

Not cool but not worth falling out about xx It's not like he asked them to is it xx

JeffJarrett · 28/05/2017 08:30

Oh dear. How trashy.

No, that isn't on at all. I'd be pissed off with his reaction too, self conscious or not.

carjacker1985 · 28/05/2017 08:30

If they were drunk and flashing him in the middle of the day maybe he felt a bit awkard and on the spot and didn't know what to do- a high-five is still a really strange response though. Very weird. I'd absolutely want an apology- how would he feel if some bloke had flashed his bits and you and you'd high-fived him?

carjacker1985 · 28/05/2017 08:31

Also I'd say it was as disrespectful to those women as it was to you. Who high-fives boobs, is he 13?

TheStoic · 28/05/2017 08:33

I'd say he was not for me.

Unless I was 18yo and wanted to be with a frat boy.

Stubbornmare · 28/05/2017 08:35

Classy. I'd be annoyed too. However it's probably best to brush this aside. Make your feelings clear then leave it. Enjoy the rest of your break. It's a new relationship, he probably didn't know it would upset you or just wasn't thinking at all. It's a stupid thing for him to do but he didn't ask to see their boob's.

00Salix00 · 28/05/2017 08:38

I'd be more concerned about what his reaction said about his attitude toward women in general to be honest.

dudsville · 28/05/2017 08:42

Could he have at all just high fived as a panic response? Talk with him, talking at the time of an event can save up time spent worrying. And if it turns out that he's an ass then you're also saving time by finding out sooner!

araiwa · 28/05/2017 08:42

he high 5ed them because he was entering in to the spirit of fun with those women

move on

JuicyStrawberry · 28/05/2017 08:43

Yuck. He wasn't classy and they weren't classy either. Yuck yuck yuck.

Original poster
Littlemissindependent · 28/05/2017 08:45

I made it very clear to him afterwards that I found it disrespectful and that if that was what he was looking for then he was with the wrong person. He apologised for upsetting me but I get the impression he still doesn't think he did anything wrong. Reluctant to finish a relationship that's made me happier than I have been in years but it's left me feeling quite inferior and unsettled. I just don't have the self confidence to deal with things like that.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 28/05/2017 08:45

he high 5ed them because he was entering in to the spirit of fun with those women

move on

Original poster
Littlemissindependent · 28/05/2017 08:46

Thank you stoic glad I'm not the only one who found that comment Hmm

OP posts:
Fairylea · 28/05/2017 08:47

Is he a teenager?! That's really odd behaviour to be honest, especially when he's on a date with you! How weird. It would be a no from me.

TheStoic · 28/05/2017 08:47

I just don't have the self confidence to deal with things like that.

My self-confidence is fine, and that's exactly why I wouldn't put up with that shit. Don't fall into the trap of thinking the problem is yours. It really isn't.

carjacker1985 · 28/05/2017 08:47

He apologised for upsetting you, that's a start. Use this as an opportunity to make it clear that treating women like that is not okay. He should hopefully take this on board and use it as an opportunity to be better. If his response is that it is okay to treat women like that, then at least you know sooner than later that he's a sexist pig.

Iamastonished · 28/05/2017 08:48

"he high 5ed them because he was entering in to the spirit of fun with those women...move on"

Hmm I might expect that from a teenager, not a grown up.

It would massively put me off man TBH. I know OH wouldn't high five women for doing this.

pinkdelight · 28/05/2017 08:54

I don't know what the appropriate reaction to three women flashing their boobs would be. Even trying to ignore it would be weird. Not sure how he's disrespecting them as they're hardly being respectable. If you're clearly uncomfortable with it and he's acting like he's loving it then that's disrespectful to you and yanbu, but if it was just a bizarre moment and he is laughing it off, I probably would too. It is really bizarre, unless you're in Blackpool or one of those Magaluf type places where people are routinely wasted, in which case highfiving boob flashes is prob de rigeur.

Original poster
Littlemissindependent · 28/05/2017 08:57

pink I found it disrespectful to me, not them, given that I was sat opposite him. And no, not Blackpool or magaluf, somewhere supposedly very 'nice' which just makes it even more bizarre.

OP posts:
swingofthings · 28/05/2017 08:58

Your focusing on the disrespect to you part, I would be focusing on the 'he's being an idiot if he thinks that's worth a high five' part!

So really, the question is: is this the only think he is an idiot over, and if so why, or is it part of who he is and maybe he'd hidden it well until now!

araiwa · 28/05/2017 08:58

what should he have done?

fainted?

Original poster
Littlemissindependent · 28/05/2017 08:59

What should he have done? I don't know, but leaning over onto their punt and high fiving them and then pointing out to me that one of them had their nipple pierced wasn't exactly the classiest reaction.

OP posts:
Saz41 · 28/05/2017 09:01

If my husband had done that I would have laughed. Why make a massive deal over it.

Funnyonion17 · 28/05/2017 09:01

That would have been the end for me.

Why grown adults think it's appropriate to expose themselves in public I do not know, but the high 5. Was it done because they approached him for a high 5 and he was embarrassed or did he encourage them?