Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this disrespectful?

124 replies

Littlemissindependent · 28/05/2017 08:25

'D'p and I on a weekend break. Fairly new relationship but so far all going really well. Yesterday afternoon whilst out, 3 'women' pissed out of their trees thought it would be hilarious to flash him their boobs Hmm. Which he then thoughtfully high fived them for.
I will be the first to admit that I have feck all self confidence, so a very small part of me does wonder if I'm in the wrong. But for the most part I just feel he was really disrespectful and inconsiderate towards me. He doesn't think he's done anything wrong. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
CheeseQueen · 28/05/2017 11:14

If I saw men mooning in public I would laugh and give them a cheery thumbs up, rather than escalate any confrontation, for example.

No, your DH is perfectly reasonable to think "that'd be it for me" if you thumbs up the mooning blokes.
Apparently.

AfroBrown · 28/05/2017 11:17

Kick his knob in. Gee whizz. There is never a need for that.

TestTubeTeen · 28/05/2017 11:32

ChreseQueen, ah well, bad taste, tongue in cheek humour all round. Obv I would never encourage any knob kicking.

nina2b · 28/05/2017 11:36

Oh dear on all counts.

BartholinsSister · 28/05/2017 11:39

Thinking about what his response should have been, howabout "Wow! you must produce a lot of milk"

shinyredbus · 28/05/2017 11:41

Perhaps he had just panicked and didn't know what to do/say? I know it wasn't a great response but consider other possibilities maybe (that's what I would do anyway) what did you expect him to do?

nina2b · 28/05/2017 11:42

Yuck.

nina2b · 28/05/2017 11:43

Hmm@ the milk comment.

nina2b · 28/05/2017 11:44

What could he have done? He could have ignored them. My OH would have done so.

BusterGonad · 28/05/2017 11:48

I've got tbh I'd find it hard to ignore 3 women flashing their breasts in front of me and I own my own hefty pair! 😂

SugarBlossom92 · 28/05/2017 11:52

I would be furious at him disrespecting you in public like that. If I was sitting there with my partner and 3 drunk men came along and flashed at me I say something along the lines of 'excuse me I'm sitting here with my partner can you go away' not high fiving them, how disrespectful.

TestTubeTeen · 28/05/2017 12:01

SugarBlossom: what does the presence of your partner signify in that statement? That it would all be fine if you were not chaperoned by 'your' man?

And your response would (sadly, because a flashing idiot is an idiot, after all) stand a strong likelihood of catcalls, insults and increased flashing.

I see flashing like this (as opposed to creepy hiding in bushes and targeting lone women in parks) as immature hi jinks. Not sexual. And respond in kind.

AfroBrown · 28/05/2017 12:01

@sugarblossom I would expect that you partner would say something as well. Maybe OP wish she had said something as soon as they flashed. That would have stopped the high 5.

scottishdiem · 28/05/2017 12:12

I suppose it depends if you want to be in a relationship with a fellow pearl clutcher or someone who can engage with the environment around them. If you are going to be going to places where drunk people are doing drunk things then you need to be sure that your partners reaction is going to be the same as yours if this has actually upset you.

By then I still have beads somewhere from New Orleans Mardi Gras an awfully long time ago.

HildaOg · 28/05/2017 12:20

He wasn't expecting it so he reacted on the spot. A better reaction would have been to burst out laughing and carry on but he didn't have time to think about the most appropriate response or one which wouldn't offend you. I think you're massively over reacting, you sound very controlling and jealous.

He's already apologised (wrongly I think...), leave the poor eejit alone.

sirfredfredgeorge · 28/05/2017 12:33

So many on mumsnet always says the only appropriate response to a gift or a compliment is a thankyou, regardless of how unwanted and cringeworthy the gift actually is.

The women felt they were offering a gift - laughing at them, ignoring them, making a sarcastic comment about milk etc. all inappropriate, a high five that you've put effort into doing might be a bit more effusive than necessary, but not much.

I think without someone saying what the correct response is that does not insult the women offering the gift and he could've done, then I think it's a bit harsh to call it disrespectful.

TheStoic · 28/05/2017 12:34

I think you're massively over reacting, you sound very controlling and jealous.

Give him Hilda's number. They sound like they'd be very well matched. And you'd be free to meet someone who has graduated from high school. Win win!

SomeOtherFuckers · 28/05/2017 12:48

To me that is a de-escalating move.
Trust me, when drunk people don't get what they want ( seeming acceptance of their behaviour and agreement that it is funny) then they get nasty: e.g., 'oh what's wrong love, don't get to see them often?' ... 'well mine are better than hers you twat'... 'he looked at them, I don't know what you're giving me that look for bitch, he loves it'
Etc etc
The best way to get out of the situation without it escalating to them insulting you/him or getting aggressive is to 'play along'.
I wouldn't be mad so long as we wasn't leering at their tits as he did it.

AceholeRimmer · 28/05/2017 12:49

I wouldn't be bothered with the flashing as we'd both laugh about it, but the high five is something a teenager would do. In these situations it's best if a couple stands together, laughs at the silliness together and not make the other feel insecure and inferior.

SugarBlossom92 · 28/05/2017 12:53

TestTubeTeen- The Reason I mention the partner bit is because if someone was to flash me while sitting with my parnter they would be disrespecting him aswell as myself. Them ladies were disrespecting the op by flashing her partner whilst he's with her and I would expect a decent man to point that out instead of embarrassing her and high fiving them.

TestTubeTeen · 28/05/2017 12:58

Some teen schoolgirls were larking about in Sainsbury's the other day, brung a nuisance. They had a large teddy and were making him be (mildly) lewd in front of the ice cream cabinet. In my way. I said 'excuse me Teddy, could I open the cabinet, please'.

They all laughed and stood back and the one with the bear made him say 'I'm sorry for being rude'.

De-escalation.

KurriKurri · 28/05/2017 13:19

I suppose it depends if you want to be in a relationship with a fellow pearl clutcher or someone who can engage with the environment around them.

Why is it pearl clutching not to want to be flashed at ? What a strange attitude. Flashing is not just nudity. I don't have a problem with nudity.
It's a act of sexual harrassment. If a man came up to you and flashed his genitals that would be a criminal offence. Everyone would think it was disgusting and aggressive.

But it's Ok for women to flash? In this context they were showing their breasts in a sexual way. It's not pearl clutching not to want that. It doesn't mean you can't cope with breasts. I have no problem at all with seeing breast feeding mother for instance, or seeing breasts or genitals when I am getting changed in a communal changing room, I have no problem with breasts or genitals on a nudist beach, I just don't want them waved at me in a sexual way.

Maybe some folk are OK with sexual harrassment - I'm not, I've been subjected to it both in my personal life and in the workplace (I grew up in times when it was seen as 'banter' and totally fine) I thought we had moved on so that men and women don't have to put up with this kind of shit any more.

Waving you Mardi Gras credentials doesn't have any relevance to this situation. Nudity in appropriate context )topless beaches or whatever is fine because in that context it is not being done aggressively to produce a reaction.

The point is people should have the option not to have breast waved at them, and in public areas where it isn't part of the general ethos of the place then non flashers don;t have a choice. If you go somewhere where nudity is known to be the norm, then you have picked that option because you are comfortable with it in that context.

VladmirsPoutine · 28/05/2017 13:47

I think you're over reacting tbh.
Either dump and move on but either way you need to look at how you can raise your confidence and self-esteem.

Joey7t8 · 28/05/2017 13:49

It's a new relationship. If it bothers you that much then finish it and find a prudish bloke that's with no sense of fun or confidence.

Cobweb01 · 29/05/2017 17:32

Sorry but I am right behind you on this one. He was extremely thoughtless and very disrespectful to you. Good that he appologised in one sense but what's the point of appologising if he still believes he has done nothing wrong - that tells me that he doesn't believe or possibly care that you had reason to feel like that and that he would do the same thing again. He may have made you happy up to now but you need to think very hard about your future as he should be helping to build up your confidence not make you feel worse - that's what a good, caring partner does. Talk to him again and if you have the same response then...

Swipe left for the next trending thread