To message her and tell her to fucking back off

[StupidSlimyGit]

I have a whole thread on the issues surrounding me and XDP but I am absolutely livid and might possibly need a grip handed to/some sense talked into me. Thread here if you want to read. Long story short he behaved disgustingly then had an affair with someone at the company we both work for when I was pregnant/had just given birth. I don't have the exact date it started.

Today he called my DD (7 months) something unusual and I asked him to repeat himself thinking I had misheard. It's fucking ridiculous and not something I would ever call a child Turns out the OW, (who knows she was the OW) has decided it is cute and it is going to be my DDs new nickname. Has apparently told people at work this is DDs nickname and several have started using it. XDP had started using the name reinforcing this until I have absolutely flipped. She has previously posted on FB about meeting her "new daughter" aswell which I have put a stop to and he is not taking DD to meet this woman. I haven't allowed him to have DD on his own since I found him trying to take her to meet the bitch.

AIBU to not want her giving my DD stupid nicknames?
WIBU to message her and tell her the "new daughter" comments and stupid nicknames need to stop, and that she has overstepped the boundaries by miles and needs to fucking back away from my daughter?

I'm not telling him I'm leaving till the day I move, I'm going to ask my friend to help us move as she has a big car (obviously will give her petrol money!). I'm thinking of asking her if I can store all my documents and DD1s stuff at her place. It's only one medium size box. Feel like I'm putting on her asking these things though

He's screaming and shouting and storming round the house tonight. I really don't want to be here. Holding onto the thought that it isn't for much longer. Keeps telling me what a shit mom I am and laying into me because of my injury that I'm waiting for an operation to fix that was caused by my sodding disability. Gah!!!!

Why is he so angry tonight? And secondly what has he got to be angry about? You have done nothing but make his life easy by avoiding drama.

Is he violent should you maybe go stay with your friend tonight?

Are you safe OP? If not go to your friends or family. Or a hotel. Please don't tolerate his shit.

If I were your friend I would do my very best to help you. I would be helping you move and have your documents gladly.

If you won't have furniture etc join any local fb selling sites. It's amazing how much stuff is advertised free or really cheaply. It helps if you can pick up immediately tho so somewhere to store stuff would be really useful.

Sorry, yes I'm safe. He's angry and making lots of noise but not violent, I certainly would have left already if he had been, I wouldn't take that risk with DD. Thankyou though.

He told me earlier that him and OW had a fight like I needed to know and I'm going out with a friend on Friday which he has decided is a date and I'm taking DD with me while I go to the pub and get pissed. I don't drink, I'm meeting my married female friend at 12 noon for a picnic in the park with DF and her two DC... Obviously more here going on than what he's admitting

DD and my friends two DC** clearly I can't type tonight

This is quite common I think that the cheater often gets jealous if they think you are moving on in any way. It makes no sense to me though if they cared why did they cheat.

Obviously speaking to him like a reasonable adult and saying that even if you were going on a date, what is it to him is out of the question but could you try reasoning with him that his behaviour is not acceptable in front of your daughter and that he needs to get a handle on his rage.

Please document this as very soon you will have to accept that you need to leave your daughter with this man alone and I'm sorry this behaviour would not fill me with confidence.

Yabu, it's really none of your business. Best you can do is tell your DD you don't like it when she's older.

I think mimmishimmi may be on the wrong thread

If you think he'll cause a drama when he finds out that you're moving out, just don't tell him. My ex and I split and still shared a one bed flat for a while. He'd agreed that he'd move out if we ever split but of course when we did split, he refused to move so I had to find somewhere. It was hell on earth living together during that period. I finally found somewhere I could afford to move to but I knew we'd have a huge fight over me leaving. So when he went to work one Fri morning, I had two friends waiting round the corner with a van. We packed all my stuff in the van and off we went. He had no idea until he came home to a half-empty flat that night.

OP
You are absolutely NOT putting on your friend.

If any of my friends were in your situation I'd be totally willing to help in any way possible and I imagine your friends will feel the same.

Don't be surprised if they turn down your kind offer of petrol money. I wouldn't take it off my friend. But if she insisted I might use it to buy us both take away that evening.

I bought DD to her bedroom and have stayed in here with her till she fell asleep. I did tell him when he tried to come in that he couldn't behave like that in front of her and he left.

I have happily told him who I am going out with and what we are doing, he also knows this person well so has definite means to find out if I'm lying so he knows I'm not moving on well not in that way.

I am definitely keeping a record of his behaviour, his outburst tonight has really upset me and if they continue then I'm going to have to see about maybe him having supervised contact for a while.

I'm definitely not telling him we are moving till last minute, it's not so much I think he'll cause drama as I think he will try to stop it happening.

I will definitely suggest buying us both takeout that night if my friend helps me move and wont accept the money, thankyou for the idea. It's a big thing and I certainly want to do something to try and show that I really appreciate it and don't take her help for granted!

I think mimmishimmi may be on the wrong thread I think mimmishimmi might be OW

Fingers crossed you don't have to wait long for accommodation x

Thankyou everything is crossed!

I think that for your own sake and that of your DD you really need to de-escalate this situation, however hard it may be. (It will probably feel a bit easier once you move out). Try to have an adult conversation with your XDP about the work situation, and the things that are upsetting you in relation to your DD. Try to speak calmly, and ask him not to use the nickname at work or around you. Stress how it makes you feel, rather than calling it stupid. As he has clearly "done you wrong", you may find that he is willing to go some way to make you feel less lousy if he doesn't see it as an attack on him & the OW. But if it descends into a simple row, he probably won't. This could be an opportunity to start sorting things out a bit, if you choose to take it that way. Don't get me wrong - I've got loads of sympathy for you in this horrible, messed-up situation . But try & give them both the opportunity to be less pillocky. Maybe they will rise to it.

Good luck with the council. When do you speak with them?

Is there the possibility of moving further afield?

IIRC you work for a chain with lots of branches, so could you make a completely new start in a new branch, but close enough to keep in contact with friends?

Lemur going by OP's previous threads, there is little chance of having an adult conversation with him.

Lemur I've done everything I can to stay calm around them both but I'm not willing to let him take my DD to meet OW. In future if their relationship becomes stable and lasts then yes I'll pull up my big girl pants but right now it isn't a situation I want her in. I'm keeping communication between me and him to a minimum and staying calm as best I can but he keeps kicking off.

Beryl I could try getting a transfer but then I have to start all over again, for my MH I think I am better staying here where I feel comfortable. Ok I have a little work to do to get back to the point I was at but less work than starting over again. Also I will have to go for a council property due to money and the only place I can get one is here or where I was born as you need a "local connection". I can't move back to there for a list of reasons longer than my arm.

The council have sent me a bidding number and I have to place three bids every 2 weeks until they give me one of the properties I've bid on. They said I'm in a slightly higher band because of DD and living with my ex but don't know how long it will take.