To message her and tell her to fucking back off

[StupidSlimyGit]

I have a whole thread on the issues surrounding me and XDP but I am absolutely livid and might possibly need a grip handed to/some sense talked into me. Thread here if you want to read. Long story short he behaved disgustingly then had an affair with someone at the company we both work for when I was pregnant/had just given birth. I don't have the exact date it started.

Today he called my DD (7 months) something unusual and I asked him to repeat himself thinking I had misheard. It's fucking ridiculous and not something I would ever call a child Turns out the OW, (who knows she was the OW) has decided it is cute and it is going to be my DDs new nickname. Has apparently told people at work this is DDs nickname and several have started using it. XDP had started using the name reinforcing this until I have absolutely flipped. She has previously posted on FB about meeting her "new daughter" aswell which I have put a stop to and he is not taking DD to meet this woman. I haven't allowed him to have DD on his own since I found him trying to take her to meet the bitch.

AIBU to not want her giving my DD stupid nicknames?
WIBU to message her and tell her the "new daughter" comments and stupid nicknames need to stop, and that she has overstepped the boundaries by miles and needs to fucking back away from my daughter?

Thankyou for sharing that contrary it actually helps a lot to hear from someone who's so much further on in this than I am. I'm sorry you and your son had to go through it.

I must admit one of my biggest comforts in the whole mess is that because I found out while DD is only 7 months she won't remember it when she's older.

No plans at all to speak to people at work and ask them to stop, not my concern at all but I'm also not going to join in. As has been said moral high ground is probably the key here but I will definitely be doing the face and correcting the people who have started using the nickname. I have absolutely nothing against nicknames, it is just this one is ridiculous. think along the lines of squishy dumpling . I must admit the reaction of some of my colleagues has bought back some of my confidence there after all of the rubbish that went on with the git that bought all this to light originally.

I'm definitely at least for now preventing OW from meeting my DD, if they stay together then obviously I will revisit this and when they have proved they are staying together I will obviously have to allow them to meet but right now when it feels like all she wants DD for is a plaything to cause drama I am absolutely putting my foot down.

I go back to work in the not too distant future, not looking forward to it because her and I work very similar hours but I'm just going to remain civil but very distant. Only talk to her if we have to for work and only about work.

Did you say the OW is in a relationship with someone else as well as your tit of an ex?

At work re the nn I'd say 'My little girl's name is X. MiniMooMoo is the nn the woman exP left me for has tried to give her. '

Your daughter is a baby, not a trophy. There's no reason you should let your ex take her anywhere. He has way more contact than a court would give him anyway, as he still lives in the same house.

Your ex is also an arse. Asking you to intervene because people are being nasty to the woman he cheated on you with is beyond ridiculous. Is he a narcissist?

I wasn't sure until I'd read the whole thread but YA definitely NBU. I'd do everything you can to get out of that house ASAP and then keep him at a distance. Don't offer contact; wait for him to ask, and then negotiate. Keep all arrangements in writing. Don't let him manipulate you into anything.

Is he likely to take you to court if he doesn't get what he wants?

Argh, that would irritate me so much op. What a troll . Annoyingly they'll just say you're being petty, when they know they're being spiteful.

When you do go back to work, people will be on your side, and happy to see you.
It sounds very much like this other woman, is playing your XDP, like a fiddle, more fool him!
I wouldn't let your precious baby, anywhere near her, she sounds like a piece of work. Hopefully, and probably, she'll jog on, real soon.
As suggested above, do yourself a big favour, and speak to your LL.
You are behaving in a very dignified manner, considering all else, it must be difficult OP, but you'll get there Sweet. 💐💐💐

Let me get this straight
You and dp work together and live together
Your dd is born and you find out seven months after her birth that your dp is having an affair with a woman from work, mainly sex and sexting
She is in a relationship and lives with her boyfriend
Boyfriend does not know but everyone at work etc does
She maintains she and your dp are just friends despite everyone knowing they sre sleeping together
You still live at home with dp until tenancy up
The other woman is posting about your and dp's baby on Facebook saying she can't wait to meet her

... is that right? Ok 1) how has her boyfriend not found out 2) does no one at work give a shit 3) does your dp think his and other woman's relationship is going somewhere?

All I can say is get out of there - where there is a will there is a way! Is he planning on taking baby dd out for the day with this woman or something?? I'd be livid and I'm not jealous as a person or anything

That is what my ex is saying Prophet but I can't confirm whether or not it is true. I suspect it might be a lie he/they are telling to attempt to back up his "we are only friends" story.

I don't know if he is a narcissist as he has a personality disorder which explains his lack of empathy (according to his psychologist so I'm not arguing that fact) but at the same time he does seem to show a lot of the traits.

I don't mind him having contact with DD, and if possible I would like her to have a good relationship with him, I certainly wouldn't prevent contact without a concern about DDs well-being(physical or mental) but I'm not willing to allow her to be used as a pawn in their little act.

I don't know if he might take me to court, but I have spoken to my MH team about what happens if he does try that and they have said they would be absolutely behind me and would support me through the process and sincerely doubt he would be awarded custody if that is what he went for.

He is not going to marry this woman and have a long happy marriage is he

He sounds deluded and quite cruel she sounds fucking stupid

She is Doing it to wind you up and probably to make herself look good to your twat of an ex. ' Oooo look at me how cool I am around your kid '
Ignore the bitch.

Rise above it. It is not your daughter or you ex's daughter - she is not a possession.

My ex SIL was a right 'cow' and used the children to get what she wanted from my brother - so low and children grew up and now know what a nasty b she was ...
Explain nicely to you ex how you feel, no name calling from either or you, both have your daughter's interests.. show you are the better person. He will, if he has any common sense see through her one day but if you 'slag her off' it will take longer..

I really feel for you. I was in your situation, xp with a loony gf! It was a nightmare. My dd was older. She would come home & tell me this woman claimed to be her other mummy and say she loved her more than me etc. Fucking horrible! Thankfully my daughter was bright even if they weren't.
Guard your daughter from this madness before it gets out of hand.
He's clearly a fuckwit. Good luck with getting a new tenancy and some respite from this shit. 💐

With your landlord you may have to allow lots of viewings but I'd offer that up in return for ending the contract as soon as he gets a new tenant. Got to be better than waiting till October. FWIW he sounds like an absolute shit bag.

What Armadillostoes said. The OW is just trying to wind u up but ur ex should know better esp as he cheated on u. Poor u. Just try to ignore them. Hopefully after October they'll be out of your life.

It does sound like she enjoys the attention drama brings.

As hard as it may be, your best weapon is silence. They expect you to react.... dont. Men often try to justify infidelity by telling new partners their wife/partner was a psycho. Make him look like a total liar.

Why does everyone have to use swear words on this site? Can't you say things without these?

Wow, get out of that house asap. Move on with your life. Don't dirty your hands with either of them. Don't react to this fuckwittery. You'll get past this, they're stuck with their nasty shoddy selves. Good luck and strength op.

Why does everyone have to use swear words on this site? Can't you say things without these?

No I fucking can't.

Why does everyone have to use swear words on this site? Can't you say things without these?

This is an adult site and some adults swear. If it bothers you that much then go to Netmums, where they moderate the forum to death and will not tolerate swearing. As a consequence you'll see lots of posts referring to 'itchy' and 'itchiness'. No they aren't all suffering from skin complaints - they're doing the 'oh fudge' equivalent of bypassing their swear filters.

Personally I prefer being treated like an adult - and the word 'fuck' doesn't offend me in the slightest.

I don't have a lot of advice. But I've read your threads and I think you are really a heroine to have dealt with so much at such a young age...from your daughters passing to the work situation to the jerk of a baby daddy.. You have held the moral high ground and taken the right actions and kept it together in super challenging times. I admire you. Please don't ever use the word stupid in reference to yourself again! Or anything else in that vein. Can you change your user name and keep the threads I wonder?

I hope your landlord is kind and you can get out as soon as the council can help. Living with that jerk has got to take a toll. This other woman sounds really pathetic. Just ignore her. I do worry that you don't have a lot of support in real life to help keep perspective.

I'm 53 with kids ages 11 to 14 and when they are in school I'm quite free. Message me and if we are anywhere near each other we can meet and see if I can be any help to you. I can offer some free babysitting at least if it's practical. I miss those baby days! And I can listen or provide company or motivation to go for a walk or whatever.

Otherwise I wish you lots of luck and am sending you a virtual hug! You are strong, kind, and don't deserve any of this!

He's asked me to have a word with some people at work who have been giving her a hard time because she is finding it upsetting

Me, at your stage, would have been having a word, asking them to step it up a bit! Not that I am recommending that.

My ExH had an affair and left me for the OW when DD was 9. That was horrible and I was not entirely reasonable through all of it.

I did insist that we get together before DD was allowed to meet her. Ex insisted on a phone call to OW first. She asked me why I had to meet her and I replied that if she was a mother she would understand! She then tried to gain some sympathy from me by saying 'That's where you're lucky and I'm not, C does not want any more children, so I will never have any'.

I told her she could not expect sympathy from me, she could have chosen a single man without a family, but as she had chosen a married man with a family, she had only herself to blame.

I never got a minutes trouble from her after that. We did meet up, it was civil. She married him recently, but they 'kept it secret from me, because I would go psycho'. In fact I met someone a year after he left and we have two children together and have now been together longer than me and him were. Oh, and his eldest daughter, who had been my step daughter had told me about the wedding weeks before.
I managed to continue to not give a shit.

You will get to this stage one day!! I promise.

For now, do not message her, that gives her more power than she deserves!

Hey

I am step mum to my partner's children (not the OW - we met afterwards) but I would NEVER antagonise his ex over her children despite her being a stupid bint.

This OW is trying to wind you up and wants a ride - she's trying to establish a territory.

Do not rise to her absolutely childish ways whatsoever - take some deep breaths and kick the lame fucker of an ex out of your house and your life.
What a weak shit big!

Andrewofgg, I'm interested to know what a PWC is???

Absolutely not you are not being unfair. I am angry on your behalf when my ex husbands new tinder bird starting calling my daughter twinkle and putting up pics of my kids and them on Facebook like a little family, I told her to get a grip and have her own baby. It's a sign of insecurity imo. Even though she has the man she will never be secure in that relationship because of how she got him. That's the price shanks usually have to pay. If it was me I would threaten her with out and out violence if she didn't stop being so over familiar with your child, tell her to have her own and leave yours alone!!

BengalGal thankyou for your kindness. My name is in reference to the git who started all of this not me don't worry

PeachyTeach I hope I didn't cause any offense. My issue certainly isn't with step-parents, I personally know many who are lovely and who conduct themselves in a dignified way, I just feel idiots like her give proper step parents a bad name.

I haven't said anything to her and am keeping conversation with ex at a minimum so I've not told him/them what I think of them. I must admit I have found it very therapeutic to be able to say what I feel here because I am being extremely careful to be civilised in day to day life although it is definitely difficult.

She does have two children of her own and if I'm honest I feel very sorry for them. I can protect my DD from this toxic environment and she is only 7 months old so wouldn't understand/wont remember, hers have only her to protect them and they are plenty old enough to understand what's going on if they know/find out.

When the temptation to go apeshit and completely lose it at her I am reminding myself that however much better it would make me feel it would affect my DD negatively, and that her children would be affected, they cannot help who their mother is! Funny how years of CBT and therapies can help stay calm, I never realised before how much they've helped in the anger management area aswell as the stress/anxiety in my life. I've taken up cross stitching again and am loving how relaxing I find it when DD is asleep.