To message her and tell her to fucking back off

[StupidSlimyGit]

I have a whole thread on the issues surrounding me and XDP but I am absolutely livid and might possibly need a grip handed to/some sense talked into me. Thread here if you want to read. Long story short he behaved disgustingly then had an affair with someone at the company we both work for when I was pregnant/had just given birth. I don't have the exact date it started.

Today he called my DD (7 months) something unusual and I asked him to repeat himself thinking I had misheard. It's fucking ridiculous and not something I would ever call a child Turns out the OW, (who knows she was the OW) has decided it is cute and it is going to be my DDs new nickname. Has apparently told people at work this is DDs nickname and several have started using it. XDP had started using the name reinforcing this until I have absolutely flipped. She has previously posted on FB about meeting her "new daughter" aswell which I have put a stop to and he is not taking DD to meet this woman. I haven't allowed him to have DD on his own since I found him trying to take her to meet the bitch.

AIBU to not want her giving my DD stupid nicknames?
WIBU to message her and tell her the "new daughter" comments and stupid nicknames need to stop, and that she has overstepped the boundaries by miles and needs to fucking back away from my daughter?

Sorry I should have put more information in my OP. I genuinely think she will be out of the picture by October, but ex has gone out this morning to spend an hour with her assuring me as he goes that he'll only be an hour because her bf is expecting her home it's not a situation I want my DD introduced into tbf but then I guess I'm also fairly biased in my dislike. I am very grateful this has kicked off while she's too young to end up hurt by it or even remember it.

YANBU. Those saying you are clearly have never been in this position. Of course you don't want the vile creature who broke your family up anywhere near your daughter, at least not yet! I imagine the wounds are still healing.

I'd just move out and leave him to deal with the tenancy. He's shown no concern for you the other way around has he?

Yanbu at all. I wouldnt let my dd be around her if i were you

It looks to me as though both your exP and OW are enjoying playing any sort of game that gets you riled - and whilst they have this in common it means they are more likely to continue seeing each other. They seem to be addicted to crisis and chaos.

Keep ignoring all they do - (if OW has a mn account all these threads will give them both so much more to talk about.) - eventually ignored behaviour will stop. No one keeps doing something thats totally ignored. (though it often gets worse just before they do.)

Why is it that when a woman posts on MN to say her new bf of however many months has met her children she is flamed for introducing them too soon? Anything under 18 months usually.

Yet when a woman posts that she is unhappy with her ex taking the kids to meet his new gf the poster gets told she's being unreasonable? I've seen this over and over.

OP, commiserations. This ass of a woman clearly has issues and is wanting a response. "New daughter"! Fuck that. Rise above it, it doesn't sound like she'll be around for long. I don't think you're at all unreasonable, it's so bad for children to be introduced to each passing girl/boyfriend. This one has shown some highly inappropriate behaviours too.

Time will pass and you'll have your own home. Some people, men and women alike, are utter bastards.

Shy aould she out it on fb Bouf sdding the baby if she was in in a relationship? ThT doesnt make sense

Your ex is a pig - and she is stupid.

Unfortunately, I imagine there will be incident after incident with them two, that's they way they seem to be. I think you need to develop some strategies/practice some lines and rise above their nonsense.

So yes re the nickname, do the who? Etc...

Hard as it is, you need to disengage, detach from them. You can't win with morons.

Oh ffs i dont know what happened there! It should have read why would she put it on fb about meeting the baby if she was already in a relationship. That doesnt make any sense

He sounds ridiculous, why is he seeing this person if she is seeing someone else? I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to be annoyed

What LostGarden said

lostgarden I agree, I've seen that double standard over and over on mumsnet

I would make up a lovely nickname for her. Something like wankstain. When your xdp asks why you call her that just say you think it's cute.

Wrt your living arrangements phone your landlord and ask if you can have an early surrender on your property. Explain you have separated and one of you will be leaving no matter what which will mean rent won't be paid in full. Obviously he can seek possession and do CCJs to recover debt but the legal costs vs the chance of recovering are usually slim. He (or she) would probably prefer an early surrender. Maje sure if it's a letting agent that manages it that the information is passed to the actual landlord.

Where will you and your dd live afterwards?

I can't move out as my name is on the tenancy aswell. If I leave and he decides to not pay the rent/bills then they can and will chase me for the money not just him.

I'll try to just stay calm and ignore, I agree they do seem to be deliberately winding me up.

As for the facebook post about my DD and her relationship, as I've said I'm really not sure whether she is actually in a relationship or if he is telling me she is because he thinks it makes their "we are just friends" story more credible. I honestly doubt she is in a relationship and that if she is it is anything serious because her bf would surely question the fb stuff?

I don't think she has a mumsnet account or if she does she hasn't seen the threads because I would definitely have heard about it from him. He goes mad at me every time anyone says anything about their "relationship" and keeps telling me I must tell anyone anything because I'm "trying to make him look bad" like he isn't doing that himself.

HE's the one you should be most angry at although she's also a disgrace.

Can you move out with DD and go somewhere else? His behaviour is so disgusting you shouldn't worry about him not being able to afford living in current place on his own until October. That's his problem.

Or arrange to get a lodger until October and kick him out.

He's so dysfunctional - telling you he's only going to see her for an hour because her bf is expecting her home? Wtf is that all about? Fucked up, totally unhealthy. You don't want to be bringing up DD in this kind of environment - find a way to stop living together ASAP.

Sorry, X post.

There must be some kind of way out. Call the CAB for housing advice, do something, because living like this until October and working with the fucker will see you heading for a straightjacket.

Frouby I can think of a few nicknames for her! Not sure calling her them out loud would help but I'll definitely be using them internally.

Me and DD will need to look at a new place to rent. Thankfully where we live the council waiting list is only a month or two long so we shouldn't have much problem finding somewhere.

We deal directly with the landlord, he has his own company and quite a few properties so I can call him Tuesday and see what he says about terminating the tenancy early. He's usually reasonable so may not object.

I'd just move out and leave him to deal with the tenancy. He's shown no concern for you the other way around has he?

I agree. I've just seen the update that your name is on the tenancy as well. Can you take it off without telling him and just leave him to it?

I've read your previous posts, OP. You've been treated shockingly, by both your workplace and now the scumbag.

As tempting as it would be to message the bitch he's taken up with, it'll probably just play into her vile games, so I wouldn't do it. Instead, I'd act dignified and as though I didn't have a care in the world when out in public. I know it'll be hard, but I guarantee they're waiting for you to act cowed about this. But give them a metaphorical finger.

I wouldn't want my baby, or any age child, to spend time with this nutjob either, so I'd do everything in my power to avoid letting her sperm donor have her on his own at any time so that he could initiate a meeting between them. Are you breastfeeding? That'd be a great excuse for not letting her be away from you for any length of time.

Good luck.

So she's got her own kids but wants to play with yours and her own partner (possibly) but is playing with yours? She sounds like a brattish four year old who needs to hear the word "no".

It sounds as though you have a good strategy and I really hope that things work out for you.

@WhatToDo-I had seen your latest posts and still felt that your overall approach had been unduly critical of the OP, I was hoping to help by making it clear that not everyone had saw things as you did (and that some people had bothered to read the available information BEFORE rushing to judge.)

I don't think pp are saying your xp and his gf's behaviour are acceptable but unfortunately as he has the same parental rights as you and you are not together you can't control who he introduces her to or what nickname he calls her, just as if you meet a new partner or decide to call your dd a nickname he doesn't like there's nothing he can do about it.

YANBU at all, I completely agree with Lostgarden.

After what you've been through in the last few months, this must seem like yet another thing on top of all the crap you've had to deal with.

I could just about grit my teeth and live with the nickname. 'New daughter' is unacceptable.

for you, you're doing very well in awful circumstances.

Agree with others. Contact the LL on the quiet, explain the situation and ask if you can terminate the tenancy early. If he agrees then contact the council and get those wheels moving. Once you have a date you can tell the LL when you'll be going and tell your X that he can either take over all of the rent or move out and find somewhere else. Assuming of course that his GF doesn't want to move him in with her and the BF in a cosy little threesome...

In terms of the GF being a twat you need to ignore her. Don't get in touch, don't rise and don't give her any reaction. People like this thrive on the drama. She wants you to be feisty and give her an excuse to go wailing off to her mates about how it's "true love" but that you're a bitch who is standing in their way. The best way to deal with them is to give them nothing at all - then they get bored and move on. Your DD is only 7 m/o so you can say to your Ex that he can come round to see her as she's too little to be away from you just yet. Going by what you've said the moment he is living solo she'll lose interest and dump him anyway.

I would def contact the landlord and explain... October is a very long time. It's not a good or moral thing to suggest but if you just left trust me the landlord would be very unlikely to chase you for the money. Your ex would either have to cope, leave himself or move someone in. Staying there would send me over the edge to be honest- your own wellbeing is worth more than the very unrealistic prospect of your landlord taking you to court.

Do not rise to the Facebook stuff- the stupid sad cow obviously wants the attention. The more you ignore the worse she will feel.

Pretty much 100% agree with the above poster Pauldacres! 😂 She has put the same points much more eloquently though!