To be surprised at his reaction?

[CowPatRoberts]

Been with DP a while and earlier we're discussing about what we'd do if we had children, and who's name they'd take. I've always been very clear that if I got married I'd keep my maiden name, it's never really been much of a problem and I thought he understood my point of view.

But today it came up that he thinks if we had children that it's totally non negotiable- they'd take his name. Went on about 'surrendering his identity' and 'destroying his heritage' and honestly I'm a bit about it all. He's almost militant about this, but I don't see why it's unthinkable for him to do it but totally fine for me. Am I nuts?

His argument seems to be based on the face that I have one more brother than he does, but other than that it's just 'the done thing'

The problem regarding the OP is that the "handful of people" in this case is the child's potential father. So it is kind of an issue.

Ah, Baby I was thinking of the other name change thread on mn. Yes, that is a dilemma to be worked out when her partner is so adamant.

Apology to Pallisers too. If it is the partner insisting then yes it is an issue.

I love the nonsensical hypocrisy of women who act like they're nobly daring by not taking husband's name to keep their daddy's instead. The patriarchy lives on either way. It does matter where it comes from, ludricrous to say otherwise.

Nothing daring about it, but it does help to break that particular remnant of the patriarchy as once one generation has broken the loop, it's just as likely to be your mother's name as your father's you're passing on. Which would be fair and equal, instead of everyone having to take the man's name just because that's how it was done in the (sexist) past.

Fairpoint catkind

If you revert to your mothers maiden name that would have been HER fathers name surely? This thread will still be going on at Christmas!

Nanny, the fact that the past was sexist is no reason to make the present and future sexist too.

Suppose we now have a 500 year spree of matriarchy with all names handed down the female line. If you trace back far enough they'll still come from a man. Presumably you wouldn't then accuse these matriarchs of carrying on the patriarchy just because the name they are handing down at some point came from their great-great-great... -grandmother's FATHER.