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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a three year old should be potty trained?

140 replies

WeLoveTheMoon · 27/05/2017 17:09

My (nearly) 3 year old wont use a potty! She sits on it but wont do anything. Shes also telling me when she needs her nappy changed!!
Iv made a big deal about big girl nicks, sticker charts! Everything
Anyway me and dh have had a huge fight over it as he thinks she is to young.

Aibu to think we should be potty training now?

OP posts:

AppleMagic · 27/05/2017 19:55

My dd wasn't "difficult", she just didn't know when she needed to go. And I put a shit load (literally) of effort in from 2.5 (when she wore her last day nappy) to 3.5 when she finally said "I need a wee/poo" and took herself off to do it.

Her preschool teachers would have had no idea she wasn't properly trained because she has a camel's bladder and didn't need to go the three hours she was at preschool.

SerialGoogler · 27/05/2017 20:33

Bratsy Might have to go there with cloth nappies - all else have failed.
ChocChoc I have started to tell him me and his key worker don't actually want to change his nappies any more after he declared proudly that 'Miss X changes my nappies' like it was a privilege!

JuicyStrawberry · 27/05/2017 20:38

My 4 year old (middle child) has only just cracked it in recent weeks

My eldest was potty trained at 2. All children learn at their own pace.

Louiselouie0890 · 27/05/2017 20:43

My boy was just turning two when potty trained. I would just keep him naked leave the potty downstairs just lightly remind him every now and again everytime I tried sitting him on he'd get annoyed so I just left him to it he did refuse for a bit but eventually he just went and did it on his own. We did the whole big deal thing when he did it. I'd say putting a nappy on her or letting her decide probably is working against ya but you know your daughter best I'd probably offer her two different types of pants instead.

brasty · 27/05/2017 21:17

serialgoogler Maybe he actually likes the extra attention he gets then? Could he manage pull ups himself, so you both insist he changes himself?

AliTheMinx · 27/05/2017 21:27

I potty trained my son when he was just over 2 and a half. He's November born so I waited until the summer to do it. I decided to potty train him one weekend and it was basically a lock down (although we had the garden, of course). We stayed in until he got it. There were 2 days of tearing my hair out/wee accidents aplenty, and then I realised that he much preferred actually sitting on a toilet to sitting on a potty, and from that moment on he just got it. We had very few accidents afterwards - just a handful at nursery, and no real regression. This was probably just luck, but the breakthrough of realising he preferred the toilet was key. He also loved the Pirate Pete Potty Book and stickers. I think there's a girl version too. Good luck, OP. She'll get there xx

SerialGoogler · 27/05/2017 21:32

brasty
He loves being a baby so it might well be the attention. When I explain what big boys can do and babies can't he says 'I'm a baby big boy' Answer for everything... Will get him to actively change himself tomorrow - although happy as larry in is own wee. Good practice from him at the very least.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 27/05/2017 21:35

My boys were both three and a half. I initiated it but gently. It was incredibly simple and incredibly quick. They had one of those loo seats with steps up to it rather than a potty. I could count the number of accidents they had on one hand, pretty much. Nights, the same. They were both a few months shy of 6 when they stopped wearing night nappies (interestingly, ds2 wanted to try when he was nearly 4, but he just wasn't noticing/waking when he needed to go, and after several wet beds in a row I gently suggested we try again later on), and I'm not actually sure we had any wet beds at all. I do think it's a matter of physiological readiness.

BlackeyedSusan · 27/05/2017 21:39

personally I would use pullups at this point. keep modelling use of toilet and encourage her to sit on the potty when you go to the loo or before her bath.

apart from that she will be ready when she is ready and it will be really quick to train when she is.

ds just decided one day he was no longer going to poo in his pull-ups.

both needed a long time to be ready due to what turns out to be their disabilities. glad I did not pressure them as it was clear neither had the ability yet.

Greenifer · 27/05/2017 21:47

For us the thing that worked was training pants, eg these.

They hold enough to mean you don't have to take fifty changes of clothing on a day out or worry about letting your child sit on a bus seat. But they are uncomfortable when wet and it quickly becomes apparent to the child that the best thing to do is not wet itself because it isn't comfy and then you have to sit on the potty anyway to let anything else out etc etc. Also bribery was quite useful if possibly not recommended. I bought about fifty tiny little plastic figures of animals on eBay v cheaply. One per successful visit (with successful being defined a bit more loosely at the start). By the time they were gone, we were fine.

However, I was VERY sure that DD was ready (she had been dry at night for a while so clearly capable of holding it until the morning even when not thinking about it) and she was able to grasp the wet yourself then feel uncomfortable thing. If neither of those things is true of or matters to your child then in all honesty I'd just take a break and try again in a few weeks or a month or two, whatever works for you.

OnTheRise · 27/05/2017 21:47

There's so much pressure put on people to get their babies out of nappies. It's almost competitive. My mother in law started trying to pressure us into potty training our first son when he was nine months old. She said we had to start sitting him on the toilet every hour or two or he'd never get the hang of it. FFS.

We ignored her. When our children seemed to be aware of what they were doing, nappy-wise, we asked them if they wanted to try to go without nappies when they were at home and when they agreed, that's what we did. Once we took them out of nappies for the first time, that was it. None of them had a single accident, it was all stress-free, and all was well.

They were all over three when this happened.

Their friends were almost all "out of nappies" by that age but had numerous accidents over the space of a few months, which was stressful for everyone involved.

I'd leave it until the child is ready. Let them guide you. It's so much easier.

LilyMcClellan · 27/05/2017 21:55

My son was extremely resistant, even though he had all the readiness signs. We waited till he suddenly became open to it at 3y4 months, and he trained ccompletely within 24 hours. One wee accident, never had a poo accident.

DD is even more strong-willed at just 3, and again, though she has all the readiness signs, she just doesn't want to. I'm going to wait till she's ready. There is almost nothing I'm less keen to do than clean poo off carpet.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 27/05/2017 22:02

Children should be dry by the time they go to Nursery at 3, there are always a few exceptions,of course.

It's a combination of lazy parenting and nappies being so good that children are never uncomfortable so don't feel a need to get out of them

SeekingSugar · 27/05/2017 22:02

Yes, children should begin toilet training as soon as they can walk (to the toilet). This was the policy at our nursery and all children were dry by age 2.

deadringer · 27/05/2017 22:17

Ime it is easier to potty train children when they are younger, say 2 to 2.5, assuming they are physically ready. By the time they get to 3+ they often seem to develop all sorts of hang ups about 'letting go' of their wee/poo. That is just my experience of course, but as a former childcare worker, foster carer and mum of five I have almost always found it to be the case. I have never noticed any correlation between age of training and frequency of accidents. My kids all trained young, (except the youngest who has sn) they got it very quickly and almost never had accidents. It doesn't really matter what age you potty train though as long as you and your DC are happy, it's not a competition.

Pumperthepumper · 27/05/2017 22:22

We tried to train DS at 2.3 and it was a total disaster. Then we tried again at 2.6 and it was a complete doddle, he just 'got it' and was dry day and night within a week. So I'm a big advocate of wait until they're ready, no sense in pushing for something if they're totally resistant to it.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 27/05/2017 22:27

DD was getting upset at the idea of using the potty and the toilet. She's coming around to the idea now, she's 3y1m. She'll sit on the toilet (we've skipped the potty at her request), it's just getting her to do her business on there I'm leaving it to DH to be honest.

If that makes me a lazy mum, so be it. I'd rather be a lazy mum with a happy, relaxed kid than have a kid who was potty trained at 2 with military precision and rigid rules.

FrayedHem · 27/05/2017 23:25

DS3 was over 3 when he trained. He'd been using the toilet before bed for quite a while beforehand but any attempts to switch to pants were refused. I can't exactly remember but I think he was about 3yrs 1 or 2 months. He was quite instantly trained whereas my older 2 had a lot more accidents and I had to think about their toileting a lot, carry lots of spares when going out, reminding them, sticker charts and so on. Whereas DS3 has been more or less fine to be left to take himself off to the loo since he went in pants. No reward charts just a few "well dones" was enough for him.

My MIL didn't send SIL to playschool as SIL was not reliably trained until she was well over 4, so she couldn't go. And this was 30+ years and she used cloth nappies.

Ecureuil · 28/05/2017 06:16

Ive just started training DD2 at 22 months and one of the benefits at this age is less resistance... she just accepts that that's what she's being told to do. She's just fallen into the new routine and is so proud of herself for doing it. Older children have more 'free will' and their habits and preferences are more ingrained I think.

aliceinwanderland · 28/05/2017 06:24

Don't know if it's mentioned above but I would recommend Gina Ford's book - potty training in one week. I used techniques in it and both mine we potty trained by or just after aged 2 with very few accidents. Dd1 took just over a week. Dd2 was younger and took about 6 weeks and had more accidents but she was under 2 when I started.

Mia1415 · 28/05/2017 06:29

My son was nearly 4 before fully trained. His nursery were not worried and we knew he'd get there when ready (stubborn boy!). Don't stress about it!

picklemepopcorn · 28/05/2017 06:35

Has anyone suggested the jelly bean jar? Mine got a jelly bean for each wee in the toilet or potty. Two jelly beans for a poo. The jelly beans sit on the cistern or window ledge so they are visible!

JuicyStrawberry · 28/05/2017 06:56

Children should be dry by the time they go to Nursery at 3, there are always a few exceptions,of course.

It's a combination of lazy parenting and nappies being so good that children are never uncomfortable so don't feel a need to get out of them

What exceptions are those then? My 4 year old has only just come out of pull ups. School nursery have been fantastic with him.

Some children are ready later than others. My child has ASD. Who are you to decide when they should be potty trained and what qualifies as an exception? Just keep your nose out and get on with your own life.

SmileAndNod · 28/05/2017 07:00

Mine is 4 next month and only got out of nappies at Easter. We had tried everything (and had been made to feel crap by nursery) but she just wasn't ready.

When she decided she was going to do it she was out of nappies in two days (still has pull ups at night, though they're dry too so they'll probably be going soon as well).

Don't fret too much. They will get it when they are ready to.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 28/05/2017 07:11

Juicy As an Childcare Practitioner for over over 20 years and currently working within an Early Years setting I'm seeing children being left later and later before they are taken out of nappies. My colleagues are having to instigate the change and encourage some parents to get their kids out of nappies. I've had children in nappies in a reception class before now because those parents can't be arsed.

It's an online forum Juicy, people can and will give their valid opinions.

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