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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a three year old should be potty trained?

140 replies

WeLoveTheMoon · 27/05/2017 17:09

My (nearly) 3 year old wont use a potty! She sits on it but wont do anything. Shes also telling me when she needs her nappy changed!!
Iv made a big deal about big girl nicks, sticker charts! Everything
Anyway me and dh have had a huge fight over it as he thinks she is to young.

Aibu to think we should be potty training now?

OP posts:
InionEile · 27/05/2017 18:51

Agree with PP: at 3 years old I would skip the potty and go straight to a seat on the toilet. My son had no interest at 2.5 but he finally cracked it as he was turning 3. He never used the potty but went straight onto sitting on toddler seat on the toilet.

This type of seat

I'm in the US but I'm sure you can get that seat or similar in the UK too.

lozster · 27/05/2017 18:51

I was really worried that at 3 my ds declared it all 'too difficult'.,I waited a couple of months, took a few days off work to give us a good run at it and we were there in 3 days. No accidents. One potty training book I read said that you can start at two and clean up accidents for a year or start at three and clean up no accidents. This was pretty much my experience except that my ds was a bit over 3.

lozster · 27/05/2017 18:52

Should have added too that by 3 he was able to communicate which helped and able to manoeuvre his own clothes and negotiate the toilet without a child seat too, all of which helped.

ChocChocPorridge · 27/05/2017 18:55

Depends on the kid's character, and their body in my experience. DS1 was potty trained (poo first!) about 3.5, but had little wee accidents when he got worried (ie. when he started school etc) for the next couple of years, and is only just starting to be dry at night at nearly 7. His body just hasn't been ready

DS2 was dry through the night before he was 3, and potty trained in the daytime at about 2.5 - No effort on either of our parts, his body just worked.

Both of them needed a bit of a push out the nest though - and we tried and stopped with both of them a couple of times, when it became clear that it wasn't happening yet.

MrsHathaway · 27/05/2017 18:56

I'm not saying that it was good to 'force' all dc to be potty trained by 2.6 but it annoys me when people presume DC couldn't cope with it. They coped very well.

Or, presumably, they didn't go to playschool. Fortunately it's now illegal to exclude a child from an EYFS setting on toileting grounds.

mctat · 27/05/2017 18:59

Yes, yabu. Wait until he's ready to use the potty or toilet by himself. 3 isn't late.

In the meantime, slow down & talk through nappy changes, wiping, trousers up & down etc. You & dp model using the loo/washing hands etc.

It's a milestone, not something you 'train' children to do. As a pp said, if you wait til he's ready you'll have less accidents, stress, hassle, & much less chance of him being constipated (a common side effect of pushing the issue too young, from holding it in).

He'll get there, ready is when he does it Flowers

mctat · 27/05/2017 19:00

SHE, sorry OP!

ChocChocPorridge · 27/05/2017 19:00

If anyone can give me hope or advice for a stubborn un-bribe-able child I am all ears

DS1 - sit on the potty in front of the TV (unpleasant for us, but worked)

DS2 - stand up row with him in the bathroom. He knew exactly what to do, and was just refusing. Didn't work immediately (the kid is unbreakable) but once he realised the depth of feeling on the matter he decided it was his own idea a couple of days later.

conserveisposhforjam · 27/05/2017 19:00

Place marking in case anyone answers serialgoogler as I have one of those myself. ..

mctat · 27/05/2017 19:02

Ps this may be why she is reluctant

'Iv made a big deal about big girl nicks, sticker charts! Everything'

Children sense pressure. I would back right off.

brasty · 27/05/2017 19:05

There will have been a few children who did not go at 2.5 because they were not potty trained. But most really did seem to be. Remember nappies then were bulky so it was obvious if a young child was wearing nappies, and i simply don't remember seeing children older than this wearing them, unless they had a disability.

DramaAlpaca · 27/05/2017 19:05

I get the impression from threads on here that parents these days toilet train very late compared to how we did it 20 years ago. Back then it would've been really unusual to have a three year old still in nappies.

All three of my boys were toilet trained by two & a half, and they were reliably dry, they didn't keep having accidents. They were all trained very quickly too, within a few days. Like someone else said upthread we used to devote a few days to training them, staying at home concentrating on getting it done.

YoshimiPt2 · 27/05/2017 19:05

I know it probably goes against the grain, hopefully I haven't created Freudian issues - DS2 was really resistant but once we started I simply didn't allow nappies. I was really positive and encouraging but stuck to simply saying, no it's just pants now. I think me showing confidence helped but all children are different.

StarUtopia · 27/05/2017 19:10

You need the 3 Day Potty Training Book. Just get on with it and do it.

Personally , I think 3 is late and lots of parents are leaving it later and later (not sure why?) .

Easier to just get on with it and get it done surely?

Aeroflotgirl · 27/05/2017 19:11

It's like any developmental milestones, some are early, some are late. My developmentally delayed ds now 5.5 years, was not clean and dry until 4:5 years, however needed no night time training, he was dry like that, so easy. I was gearing myself for another long slog, never wet the bed.

StarUtopia · 27/05/2017 19:11

Drama That's what I did with both of mine. Put the effort in. You can't do potty training in a half arsed (!) fashion.

Focus on day dry first then night dry at a later time.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/05/2017 19:13

It took since ds was 3.4 when he started PT, in pants, took a whole blooming year, he was not ready, yet I persisted and persisted despite him not being ready. Should have waited until 4!

YellowPrimula · 27/05/2017 19:14

Well zi have a 23 year old and a 20 year old and they were both nightmares to train , one was 3 for wee and 4 for poos and the other was 3.5 for both.I think training meant different things then m largely when they were dry it was because they were ' sat' a lot 'to try' they weren't necessarily recognising the signs themselves.

Ds3 on th either hand was sorted at 2.2 , he has always been more physically advanced than the other two , walked earlier etc

Aeroflotgirl · 27/05/2017 19:16

I put the effort in all right, over a year, but if their not ready and not getting it, there is not much you can do. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

mctat · 27/05/2017 19:18

It is rare not to be toilet trained by 3.

No it's not.

brasty · 27/05/2017 19:22

I was taught that you had to wait until they were showing signs of recognising when they needed to wee or poo before they did it. Not just sit them in the potty regardless.
And I do think waiting till they are older, plus modern nappies, probably makes it harder.

In the nursery I worked, the other nursery nurses were adamant that they didn't toilet children. No wiping bottoms, nothing. The only thing I was told I had to do was go and flush toilets - as lots were bad at doing this, and occasionally help a child who struggled with a button on their trousers. I know we had spare clothes, but they were rarely used for accidents.
Most didn't even remind kids to go, although I did if it had been a while. They were expected to be fully toilet trained. And they generally were. Even when I worked with disabled kids, quite a few were toilet trained young. Although obviously not all.

Ecureuil · 27/05/2017 19:27

One potty training book I read said that you can start at two and clean up accidents for a year or start at three and clean up no accidents. This was pretty much my experience except that my ds was a bit over 3

This is often said, but certainly hasn't been my experience. DD1 was dry day and night at 2.4, she's 3.6 now and has had one accident since, when she had a temp of 40 and wouldn't move off the sofa.
We'll see how DD2 goes but she's 22 months and has been out of nappies for 5 days. No accidents the past 48 hours. I have actively 'trained' her using 'oh crap! Potty training' whereas DD1 just told me at 2.4 that she didn't want to wear a nappy any more and would use the toilet.

brasty · 27/05/2017 19:30

I have watched the age kids are potty trained being lengthened gradually over the years. it stems from the idea that it is easier to do it when they are older. Not sure this is true though.

StarUtopia · 27/05/2017 19:39

I think you can miss the early signs and then leave it - and then they're older and it will be harder (as they're going to resist being older and knowing their own mind more)

Hence, do it 18months - 2 years window.

Mums in the 70's didn't have all this drama! Toddlers all out of nappies by 2 at the latest. I find it difficult to believe that we have more 'difficult' toddlers now that are too hard to train.

Puppymouse · 27/05/2017 19:51

DD was dry overnight and would often tell us when she'd been in her nappy but at nearly 3 we tried and she was adamant she couldn't do it. It was just distressing. So we waited until she was nearly 3.5 and tried again and she was a bit more open to it. 4 months on she's pretty reliable but don't force your DD if they're not ready.