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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a three year old should be potty trained?

140 replies

WeLoveTheMoon · 27/05/2017 17:09

My (nearly) 3 year old wont use a potty! She sits on it but wont do anything. Shes also telling me when she needs her nappy changed!!
Iv made a big deal about big girl nicks, sticker charts! Everything
Anyway me and dh have had a huge fight over it as he thinks she is to young.

Aibu to think we should be potty training now?

OP posts:

mynotsoperfectlife · 27/05/2017 18:13

I'd get a toilet seat and pop her on the loo after meals.

BWatchWatcher · 27/05/2017 18:15

Try her in cloth training pants or cloth nappies or let her wander about nude in the nice weather. I reckon one reason children are toilet trained late these days is because disposable nappies wick everything away.

BWatchWatcher · 27/05/2017 18:17

www.mothercare.com/training-accessories/bambino-mio-girls-reusable-potty-training-pants-5-pack/LD4900.html
You can do the whole ooo big girl pants thing. Also, bribery works :)

Crunchymum · 27/05/2017 18:18

After the Hell we had with DC1 (he had to be dry as part of his acceptance to preschool, which he started the day after his 3rd birthday) I won't do it myself with DC2.

When we try it will be:

first few days when we are at home and not doing much
bare bum
toilet not potty

And I'll use the rule of thumb I did with older child. If there are still accidents after a few days then we will stop and try again a few weeks later.

I don't have the pressure of needing DC2 trained by a certain date so I'm not fussed.

Older DC was daytime dry by 2y.11m but still has a night time nappy aged 4y.6m on the upside he is a brilliant sleeper

brasty · 27/05/2017 18:21

I know one woman who toilet trained her daughter using chocolate buttons. She had been resistant. After 3 days she was toilet trained.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 27/05/2017 18:23

She will train in her own time, average age is 7 I believe.

brasty · 27/05/2017 18:24

I don't believe for a minute that the average age is 7.

Viserion · 27/05/2017 18:24

Buzz my DS1 did the same. Got up one morning and refused to let me put a nappy on him. He was barely 2 and had limited language, but just took the nappy off every time I put one on. I put it down to me having him in cloth nappies so he learnt wet/dry quickly. He was dry at night already so we just stopped wearing nappies altogether at the same time. I think we had 2 wet sheets in the first 6 months, nothing since.

DS2 was closer to 2.5, but did the same, although he was in disposables. He has never once wet the bed.

Maybe I got lucky with easy, early to train children, although I have read several articles over the years that support that the age of toilet training is going up because of the reliance on disposable nappies and parents waiting for children to show cues that they are ready. I don't know.

Blossomdeary · 27/05/2017 18:26

Bribery - have you got any jellytots in the house?

Paninotogo · 27/05/2017 18:26

I waited until 3.5 and it took less than a week. My neighbour's son who she started at just 2 was still having regular accidents well over 2 years later.

Crunchymum · 27/05/2017 18:28

Average age isn't 7.

7 is the age that the hormone which awakens you for night time wee's should have kicked in.... so if kids aren't night time dry by 7, your Dr will decide whether to investigate. Obviously all factors are taken into consideration.

A NT not being daytime dry by 7 would be highly unusual and would be investigated.

Crunchymum · 27/05/2017 18:28

A NT child

Crunchymum · 27/05/2017 18:29

Sorry a non daytime dry NT child would be investigated well before being 7.

Tokelau · 27/05/2017 18:33

Does she like stories? I used to sit mine on the toilet before their bath, and read them a story. We bought a child's seat and step, and didn't really bother with the potty.

When I felt they were ready to start training, I put them in pants at home but pull ups when we went out so they didn't have to worry. After a while, they told me that they didn't need the pull ups any more. We had very few accidents after that point.

Lots of my friends seemed obsessed with potty training quickly, but I didn't push my DC, I let them tell me when they were ready.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/05/2017 18:34

Both my boys started potty training at two. It was a dedicated process and other things were set aside to accomplish it. It took about a week before they were dry all day with minimum poo accidents. We never fussed or scolded. We sat them on the pot for a good long time about a half hour or so (and then increasing the time between sits) after meals/drinks/before bed, read books and sang made up potty songs. The real trick was lots of praise for 'performing' and M&Ms. One for a wee, two for a poo.

At first it was about wee/poo 'happening' when they were sitting and them getting lots of praise & a reward. Then gradually it 'clicked' that they could feel it when they had to go and they began telling.

Goingtobeawesome · 27/05/2017 18:37

My son was over three, my DD seventeen months, my other son just over two.

SerialGoogler · 27/05/2017 18:40

I have a 3.8 year old who WILL NOT use a potty or toilet. He actually cracked wees 9 months ago for a whole week by using a Thomas potty but then started a new class for preschool and flatly refused to do it ever again.

School have tried, I have tried. I've offered a big toy if he masters it but he's happy to wait until his birthday...No bribery works. He's the last in his class and it doesn't bother him. He has an older brother who trained in 72 hours at 3.3 but he doesn't respond to peer pressure or sibling example.

If anyone can give me hope or advice for a stubborn un-bribe-able child I am all ears!!

MrsHathaway · 27/05/2017 18:43

I dont make a big deal I just ask her if she wants another pair of big girl pants on or a nappy. Sometimes she asks for the nappy and other times her big girl nicks

Tbh I think this is the problem. HV strongly recommended to us to do all or nothing, not half and half. Either nappies all the time, or pants all the time, but don't mix because that's confusing.

I think taking a break is very sensible. When you do restart, use nappies only for sleeps and not during the day at all.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 27/05/2017 18:44

That's absolute rubbish. 20 years ago, when my kids were little, children started play school at 2 and a half and they had to be toilet trained to go. DS1 was dry, day and night before his second birthday and DS2 was about 2.4

I agree with Fairy. I had my 2 DDs 20 years ago too and you couldn't go to nursery unless you were toilet trained. I too worked in nurseries and accidents were NOT common at all. I'm not saying that it was good to 'force' all dc to be potty trained by 2.6 but it annoys me when people presume DC couldn't cope with it. They coped very well.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 27/05/2017 18:46

Mind you i will say 20 years ago, we usually stayed in for a full week, when potty training and gave it our full attention. If they weren't ready you left it a few weeks and then started again. It drove me mad

brasty · 27/05/2017 18:46

SerialGoogler What about using cloth nappies. They don't feel good when wet, whereas modern nappies feel fine.

Ameliablue · 27/05/2017 18:46

Not all children will be ready by 3.

brasty · 27/05/2017 18:48

I worked in nurseries 30 years ago, and accidents were not common. I also used to take children away for weekends from primary school, age 7 plus, and bed wetting was not common.

YoshimiPt2 · 27/05/2017 18:48

DS1 had a potty book. A fancy pop up one that was only read when sitting on the potty. Very poorly thought out hygiene wise. I was so happy to sneak that stinky book off to the bin eventually. Did the job though!

DS2 is older (3) and got it instantly. Didn't have to stay in or anything. Was much easier at this age. He even likes "privacy" on the potty.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 27/05/2017 18:49

20 years ago the vast majority of kids were reliably toilet trained by 2.5. Certainly all of mine were. However we did actually train them, focussing on the process for a few days to a week.

Current practice seems to be to wait until they are 3.5, take their nappies off and expect them to just get it sooner or later.

My mother claims I was toilet trained by 1 (I'm 52). Different generations, different methods.

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