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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a three year old should be potty trained?

140 replies

WeLoveTheMoon · 27/05/2017 17:09

My (nearly) 3 year old wont use a potty! She sits on it but wont do anything. Shes also telling me when she needs her nappy changed!!
Iv made a big deal about big girl nicks, sticker charts! Everything
Anyway me and dh have had a huge fight over it as he thinks she is to young.

Aibu to think we should be potty training now?

OP posts:
WhooooAmI24601 · 27/05/2017 17:29

I work in a Reception class and some children genuinely aren't ready til beyond 3 and even 4 occasionally. The more you push the more they can resist. Your DD is still terribly young; let it go til the summer holidays perhaps, let her buy some super cute pants of her choosing and make it fun by having the potty where she can see it, sit on it and read a book, watch a five minute tv show and begin to see it in a non-threatening way.

DS1 potty trained at 2 years and 2 months which I assumed was a bit early during the day and took a lot longer at night. DS2 did it bang on his 3rd birthday but managed day and night at the same time. Each child is so different.

brasty · 27/05/2017 17:29

When everyone used cloth nappies and had no washing machines or twin tubs, it was worth putting a lot of energy into this. I have memories of regularly getting them all to sit on the potty at certain times. Seemed to go on for ages, but probably was not as long as I think. But now most kids are toilet trained later, because there is no strong incentive to do it early.
And we did not expect kids to be toilet trained in a few weeks.

migrating · 27/05/2017 17:30

it's end of May, don't leave it for 6 months, just give it another month or so and try again. Its easier when it's a nice weather outside. Don't worry too much about it, the kids I have seen potty trained "late" (3.5, 4 years old) suddenly got it and never had accidents. The ones who were "early" (some at 2) had accidents for years, and some of them are still not 100% dry at night years later.

brasty · 27/05/2017 17:32

migrating that is a real generalization that is not true.

FloatyCat · 27/05/2017 17:33

My dd was very resistant at 2.5, she would not even try to sit on the potty, she hated the sight of it.
One week we just went for it, skipped the potty and she went straight onto the toilet.

Ecureuil · 27/05/2017 17:35

migrating while I agree that there's no point rushing it, it really isn't true that all children who train earlier have regular accidents.
DD1 trained at 2.4, she was dry day and night within 3 days. The only accident we've had since then was when she was ill.
DD2 is 22 months and we started training last week as she seemed ready. Obviously don't know how it will go but she's been dry for 48 hours.

myusernameisgeneric · 27/05/2017 17:35

Mine have all been different ages. All were almost 3 or older. One took a week, another several weeks.

If it's not clicking give it a few weeks then try again.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 27/05/2017 17:35

My DD refused her potty completely, we got one of those baby seats you put on a normal loo and she was toilet trained almost straight away.

allowlsthinkalot · 27/05/2017 17:37

She sounds ready to me, what makes you think she isn't? You've taken her nappies off and she's having a lot of accidents?

As long as she's not upset by it I'd carry on. Up her fluids so she gets plenty of practice at noticing the signals, stay home for a few days and encourage her to use toilet or potty (only one of my four ever used a potty, will she wee on the toilet?)

VerbenaGirl · 27/05/2017 17:38

Have a break and try again in a few weeks....

ppeatfruit · 27/05/2017 17:39

As an ex CM\ nanny to 5 families and with 3 dcs of my own. The people who are saying don't sweat it are right. If she wants to she will.. I'd get a good secure little toilet seat and step up for her to go on the big toilet, and leave her out of knicks\nappies in a dress or whatever . Don't say anything.

The only problem one of my families had was not giving it a go when the signs are there. If she's dry all night then she's probably ready but is aware that you're concerned. She may prefer the 'big girl's' toilet to a potty but don't make a fuss about it either way.

migrating · 27/05/2017 17:40

I didn't mean all children will have accidents, my youngest was very early because she is copying her older siblings. Just pointing out that when they're not ready, then it's too early. No point stressing about it, it can lead to much worst problems later on.

I agree offering different seats is a good idea. One of mine only went on a travel potty, not on his potty chair. The others just go on the toilet, they feel grown up (well, they are now!)

TheFairyCaravan · 27/05/2017 17:40

The ones who were "early" (some at 2) had accidents for years, and some of them are still not 100% dry at night years later.

That's absolute rubbish. 20 years ago, when my kids were little, children started play school at 2 and a half and they had to be toilet trained to go. DS1 was dry, day and night before his second birthday and DS2 was about 2.4.

I worked in a nursery for about 4 years and most children who attended aged 2 years9 months and over were reliably toilet trained. It was rare they had accidents.

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/05/2017 17:41

I think it's easier to train most kids to your schedule before they're around 2.5 than after (not that all can be trained that young). The more they understand they can have some sway over what happens to them, the less likely they are to just go with the flow, as it were, and do it because you're telling them to. Then you have to wait until they feel more motivated themselves.

migrating · 27/05/2017 17:43

well ask my local primary school teachers TheFairyCaravan and they will have plenty to say about accidents, and the issues with the first night of the residential trips. Just ask the local mums about sleepovers and a surprising high number of children are not dry at night - I don't mean they have a nightly accident, just that it happens a few times a month, a lot if you ask me.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 27/05/2017 17:43

Mine was really resistant at 3.5. What finally made it click was just letting him run around in just a t-shirt in the garden for a day. I let him pee in the garden, kept the potty out there. He had a fair few accidents to start with, but it seemed to really help. 24 hours later and he pretty much had it.

He was very very resistant and I did wait until he was ready

Sparklingbrook · 27/05/2017 17:46

Mine both started pre school at 2 years and 9 months and were out of nappies by then.
I hate potties so we just went straight to the toilet with a step and a toilet seat. I used to hate seeing babies sat on potties in front of the TV etc

nancy75 · 27/05/2017 17:48

Dd was 3.5, we tried earlier but she was having none of it, for me the plus side was once she was ready it only took about 2 days and she literally never had an accident, we never took a potty out with us & the emergency change of clothes was never needed!

SafeWord · 27/05/2017 17:50

It is rare not to be toilet trained by 3.
If she really can't then she really can't but I'd give it a good go tbh.
Being in nappies can't be pleasant for a three year old .

I know this is going against the mumsnet vein though.

gillybeanz · 27/05/2017 17:50

They are all different. I had one dry day and night at 2.5, one at about 2.10 and the other was 3.
Leaving it later is sometimes better than trying too soon and putting them off.
Some don't like the potty as well, one of mine was like this and was great when offered a step and training seat for the toilet.

brasty · 27/05/2017 17:58

I suspect too that it is easier to train them younger before they hit the stage of being resistant to nearly everything. Also I have read that modern nappies makes it harder because they are still comfortable when wet.

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2017 18:03

Mine was abOut 2.5 you know when they are ready. However she refused to use a potty and used the loo with a child seat on it. She used a potty once and then point blank refused to even sit on it again. She wanted to use the grown up loo like we did, and to be fair to her, that's exactly what she did, even though we had to lift her on and off of it. If I'd persisted with the potty she would probably never have been toilet trained,,Hmm

Kennethwasmyfriend · 27/05/2017 18:06

I didn't try to train either of mine till their third birthday (not literally on their birthday!) They both took to it very quickly. I think you are rushing her.

hippy1952 · 27/05/2017 18:11

My grandson was 3 years 8 months and he took less than a day. He had 1 accident in the morning and after that no more accidents.

BuzzKillington · 27/05/2017 18:11

Both of mine were trained at 2, but not dry at night until they were almost 3. We never used a potty (hate them).

But I was totally lead by them. My precocious eldest just announced to me that he wouldn't wear nappies anymore, and that was it! I'd have been quite happy to leave it for a while longer.

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