WIBU to complain to after school club about the food and screens?

[ElphabaTheGreen]

When I say 'complain', I'm thinking anonymous polite feedback letter because I'm a coward so as not to make things awkward.

DS1's before and after school club is really very good - lovely staff, great activities, reasonable fees and open good hours. But two things irk DH and me and I want to know if the MN jury think we're BU.

1. They are fed (in our opinion) crazy amounts of unhealthy food. A weekly menu, fed to them at around 4pm, is thus:

• Hot dogs and chips
• Fish fingers on a bun
• Pasta with ham
• Baked beans, sausages and potato waffles
• Chicken nuggets and crisps

They then get given a biscuit upon departure. Salad is offered. I know this because there is an enormous bowl of it, virtually untouched, sitting next to the dregs of the remaining hot food when I arrive.

Their website describes this as a 'substantial snack'. I call this a full meal and DS is so full of processed crap when he gets home, he doesn't want to sit with us for a family dinner, where we serve (in his opinion) disgusting things containing vegetables and the like. They also seem to routinely coordinate the day they serve chips with the school dinner chip day, so DS1 has invariably had double chips in one day. When I was at after school club myself, we got fruit and crackers with some kind of spread, and it was perfectly sufficient to keep us going until a proper dinner at home. I'd rather not give DS a snack and tell him not to eat the after school club food as I don't want him to feel singled out. DS2 will be starting there next year and he puts on weight far more easily than skinny DS1 so I'll be livid if I end up with a letter telling me he's overweight, when it would be because of the crap fed to them at school.

1. They always run a movie on a big screen AND have a PlayStation/X-box on a separate screen. They're currently raising money to buy a second PlayStation. They provide loads of other activities, games, books, not to mention dozens of other children to play with and free access to the school's absolutely beautiful, huge playground. Are DH and I BU to think the screens are absolutely unnecessary with all this? There is always a sizeable crowd of stationary kids around the screens (probably rendered motionless by their 'substantial snack' beforehand) despite all these other options, and even in lovely weather when they should be tearing around outside. I just think it encourages sedentary behaviour and will create fat kids in combination with that food.

I don't know any of the other parents well enough to garner their opinion on these issues so thought I'd don my hard hat and flame-retardant vest for AIBU instead.

I find it odd that you trust these people too look after your child 5 days a week, but you wouldn't give them the respect that they deserve but having a face to face conversations regarding your concerns and would rather stick your problems in an anonymous letter which really takes away their ability to discuss and solve the problem.

I do btw agree completely with you about your concerns and I understand why you wouldn't just move them.

Just talk to them.

Thing is a lot of children don't want to socialise straight after school, they've had enough of that at school. So they do want the option of reading, screens etc rather than enforced playing for the whole time.

There's a lot more fine motor movements in playing most computer games than Monopoly, I know this only too well because I was always hopeless at them, so I hated them, but I loved playing board games.

The food offered doesn't sound that different to what they give them for school dinners at our school a lot of the time. Could he just snack on some fruit/veg at home afterwards?

I have recently complained (politely, to the manager in person) about the amount of sugar available at our ASC. DS only goes twice a week but that plus cake every day at school dinners was adding up. Anyway, they got back to me to say they've made some changes, so I'm happy.

Ours also do limit screen time, so that might well be the case with you.

Go and see the manager and have a chat

Koala it's true for my DC's, reading, writing, colouring is no longer done just for fun in schools (theirs anyway) it all leads to being marked out of 10, to tests, homework being marked, more tests, more homework and so on.

Since starting school they hate these things now, if I try and get the colouring stuff out I just get a collective groan for it being like school work.

I wouldn't be happy with that menu, it's rubbish. Equally though OP, if my dc got fed I wouldn't be trying to feed them dinner on top of a meal when they got home. They wouldn't be hungry.

I don't feed my dc when they get home from nursery because they've eaten. They can have a snack if they want.

The food - all those foods with be 1) oven or micro cooked 2) Easy to eat 3) appealing to the 'masses' 4) Meant to be a snack. ASC's are pretty much self funded. They can't make full 'decent' meals for children that probably won't eat it unless they put their costs way up. They have to make things quickly and easily. They have to be able to clear up quickly and easily. They have to be able to help the youngest kids whilst expecting the oldest kids feed themselves.

So don't give them a full meal. Cheese, crackers, veg sticks. Fruit and yoghurt. If a child is genuinely hungry, they will eat that, and then they can have a proper meal with family at home. It has got to be cheaper with far less prep and clean up.

I don't make DS eat a full meal at home, BTW, when I know he's had so much to eat at school and ASC. DH and I need to eat around 6/6:30, though, because we're hungry and there's no way we're waiting until after they're in bed. We would really like to have our children eat with us, as a meal around a table is a really positive thing to do as a family. I don't want to make something separate for DS because he's a bloody fussy eater and I want him to be hungry enough to learn to eat and enjoy the very good food I make at home. There is no way I can enable him do that if he's stuffed full of crap. Making him something separate during the week then becomes an issue at the weekend because he expects something to suit him, different to the rest of us, because he gets it the rest of the week. It's not happening. I'm not a short-order cook.

...lots of children would see drawing/painting/reading as just more learning. They play screen games as that is what the children think of as 'play'.

I don't think I could disagree more.

If they are tearing around outside they run the risk of the older kids 'hurting' the younger kids (sadly I've seen it, Year 6's picking on Year 1's because there isn't as much segregation as school, nor as much supervision).

They already give all the children free access to the school grounds for the whole of their time there, so supervision's obviously not an issue here (it's a very small school, but the outdoor area is stunning and very well contained and fenced). A beautiful outdoor playing area can't compete with screens for some children. So take the screens away altogether and they'll acquire healthier playing habits.

Give them some constructive (non-anonymous) feedback.

They won't change unless there's a reason to

Ok, well you obviously have your own views. I'm sure the ASC won't have any good reasons for doing things their way, and will be grateful to receive your complaint and suggestions for change.

And, yes, I will take a more mature approach to raising the issue. I knew the anonymous letter was a coward's option.

So take the screens away altogether and they'll acquire healthier playing habits.

God how smug do you sound! Develop healthier playing habits?

I used to be exhausted by schoo and need a couple of hours down time watching TV or reading.

I was a very active, outdoorsy, sporty child.

The ASC are offering a choice. If you don't like the choices your children are making - tell them they can't watch the TV or move to a child minder.

Could you just tell your kids/the club they're not allowed to eat the meal and send some fruit and crackers instead? It would seem to solve all the angst.

God how smug do you sound! Develop healthier playing habits?

Has the global obesity epidemic really passed you by so completely?

Could you just tell your kids/the club they're not allowed to eat the meal and send some fruit and crackers instead? It would seem to solve all the angst.

As I said in my original, and subsequent posts, with reasons given, I would really rather not, but haven't ruled it out completely.

You seem pretty prepared to be direct with posters on here who either disagree with you or who are offering suggestions you don't agree with so I don't understand why you want to send an anonymous letter to the after school club. Why don't you just talk to them.

At the end of the day if you don't like the service they are offering it is your choice to move to somewhere else. Do you know any of the other parents as there may be others who share your concerns?

I think you are unreasonable to let your kids use screens when it is convenient for you, but to complain about after school club screen use. Clearly it makes the staff's job easier. I think if you don't like it go elsewhere.

Have you checked to see whether there are healthy eating or nutrition guidelines which the club is expected to follow?

We operate in Scotland so different regs and regulatory body but we are expected to have a healthy eating policy which complies with the current government guidance. They issue various things from time to time and we're expected to keep up. The same, incidentally, is true of childminders here.

Global obesity epidemic 😱 That's what weekends are for. Sports, hiking, walking etc. Out of all the stakeholders the ASC is the one with the least responsibility to solve the problem.

I don't see how warming up chicken nuggets is so much easier than plonking a bunch of bananas on the counter. Or, god forbid, getting the kids involved in cutting up vegetables or whatever. We complain our kids are getting fat but there seems to be so much resistance to actually doing anything about it.

Sticking in kids in front of screens is so spectacularly lazy. How much 'chill out' time do they need, seriously? They can chill out with a book or by doing puzzles or whatever. If the screens aren't there, they'll soon get used to it. A little bit of time on the computer or in front of the telly is fine but it really isn't good for them and should be limited.

hippy if we are going to solve the problems of obesity, a 2 day a week approach is not going to cut it. We need to take a global approach. It needs to be normal and natural and instinctive for kids to choose to exercise over spending all day in front of the tv.

Christopher Being direct in an anonymous forum is very easy. IRL is a very different matter. But I've already said, more than once, I will address it directly with the staff. Similarly, as I said in my OP, no, I do not know any of the other parents well enough (or at all, even) to get their opinions.

And please stop with the 'just move him' bollocks. It's not that easy, and it's not happening.

We complain our kids are getting fat but there seems to be so much resistance to actually doing anything about it.

Yep

They can chill out with a book or by doing puzzles or whatever. If the screens aren't there, they'll soon get used to it.

And yep.

Love that a mother wants better for her kids than chips and an Xbox every day and is getting totally slated for it. Good old AIBU.

Is it allday in front of a screen?
I thought it was possibly a couple of hours at most after school

There is nothing intrinsically wrong with the menu:

Baked chicken in breadcrumbs - fine
Oven chips - fine
Baked fish in breadcrumbs - fine
Pasta - fine
Baked beans - fine
Baked potato waffles - fine

Sausage - probably less good, dependant on brand (but our school sausages have very little fat and rusk and are considered 'healthy' - they are actually quite tasteless as a result sadly)

Hotdogs - almost certainly the same sausage as above rather than tinned hot dogs, so same comment.

Crisps, not good but hardly a problem once a week.

As long as the child has a nutritious breakfast and lunch (packed lunch? Easy to make super healthy, school lunches will be similar meals to the above) then there is nothing wrong with the after school snacks (that aren't compulsory) being offered.

Assuming this club has not started up this year, can we assume that there are parents who are happy with the food and facilities provided? As said by one of the early posters, for some of the children this will be their evening meal. Possibly some parents have chosen this care option because it offers a "substantial snack". The OP has admitted that she has no intention of removing her child. As I see it she should talk things over with the management and if necessary be prepared to say her son will have his own home provided snack.

I agree with you too, Elphaba, btw. I also can't believe nuggets etc are easier for the staff than fruit, yogurts, breadsticks and hummus, which is what our ASC provides.

Is there a committee advising the ASC? We have one. That can be a good forum for raising issues. Your pta may know if they have a Facebook group?