WIBU to complain to after school club about the food and screens?

[ElphabaTheGreen]

When I say 'complain', I'm thinking anonymous polite feedback letter because I'm a coward so as not to make things awkward.

DS1's before and after school club is really very good - lovely staff, great activities, reasonable fees and open good hours. But two things irk DH and me and I want to know if the MN jury think we're BU.

1. They are fed (in our opinion) crazy amounts of unhealthy food. A weekly menu, fed to them at around 4pm, is thus:

• Hot dogs and chips
• Fish fingers on a bun
• Pasta with ham
• Baked beans, sausages and potato waffles
• Chicken nuggets and crisps

They then get given a biscuit upon departure. Salad is offered. I know this because there is an enormous bowl of it, virtually untouched, sitting next to the dregs of the remaining hot food when I arrive.

Their website describes this as a 'substantial snack'. I call this a full meal and DS is so full of processed crap when he gets home, he doesn't want to sit with us for a family dinner, where we serve (in his opinion) disgusting things containing vegetables and the like. They also seem to routinely coordinate the day they serve chips with the school dinner chip day, so DS1 has invariably had double chips in one day. When I was at after school club myself, we got fruit and crackers with some kind of spread, and it was perfectly sufficient to keep us going until a proper dinner at home. I'd rather not give DS a snack and tell him not to eat the after school club food as I don't want him to feel singled out. DS2 will be starting there next year and he puts on weight far more easily than skinny DS1 so I'll be livid if I end up with a letter telling me he's overweight, when it would be because of the crap fed to them at school.

1. They always run a movie on a big screen AND have a PlayStation/X-box on a separate screen. They're currently raising money to buy a second PlayStation. They provide loads of other activities, games, books, not to mention dozens of other children to play with and free access to the school's absolutely beautiful, huge playground. Are DH and I BU to think the screens are absolutely unnecessary with all this? There is always a sizeable crowd of stationary kids around the screens (probably rendered motionless by their 'substantial snack' beforehand) despite all these other options, and even in lovely weather when they should be tearing around outside. I just think it encourages sedentary behaviour and will create fat kids in combination with that food.

I don't know any of the other parents well enough to garner their opinion on these issues so thought I'd don my hard hat and flame-retardant vest for AIBU instead.

Salad is offered. I know this because there is an enormous bowl of it, virtually untouched, sitting next to the dregs of the remaining hot food when I arrive.

The reason the salad is untouched is because children don't want the healthy stuff. They like chicken nuggets and pizza and burgers and chips. And that's why the after school club gives them that crap. Because they'll eat it. If they fed them healthy stuff it'd just be going in the bin with the salad.

Why do they need feeding beyond a bit of fruit? They get picked up and go home for supper presumably

As a childminder, I can see where they are coming from. I provide a variety of snacks and dinners. Most of it ends up going in the bin. The only failsafe meal that every child will eat on any given day is nuggets and chips. Scrambled egg on toast goes down well too, so I have two meals in my repertoire! My DCs hate it and complained that they were getting the same dull food once a week, so I started mixing it up a bit, but got moans from the mindees and half-full plates of food to throw away.

If I'm going to the trouble and expense of making a meal, I'd rather it was something they will eat and not spend the next hour complaining that they're hungry. I now feed my own DCs later with me so that we can have more varied food, but I won't waste my time or money making more adventurous food (by which I mean pasta with ANY sauce, pizza(!), roast dinner, fish pie, wraps etc) to put straight in the bin.

Similarly with activities, I will offer various things to do and get 'no...no...no..." until TV or playstation is on offer. After a busy day at school some of them just want to veg for an hour, so that is what they do - I see it as a home from home environment, so I won't force activities on them, it's up to them how they spend their free time.

After school club is a play based setting. They aren't school. All they need to do is offer a range of activities, outside and inside that meet the children's interests. They are not there to educate.

At my after school club we had an Xbox or Playstation plus a laptop for games or films. But we also had a lot of children so we had a rota of those who wanted a turn and they got 15 minute sessions. We always used to have longer rotas for the scooters and skipping ropes though. I wouldn't worry about the screen thing.

Don't be anonymous, it means they get to ignore you but if you put your concerns in writing they need to respond. Say you are surprised they are not following the healthy eating guidelines. You know they get inspected by OFSTED Right? They need to meet certain standards (and take your concerns seriously).

For those saying the healthy food will just get binned...You'd be amazed at how much healthy food a child will eat if thats all there is...(in a childcare setting I mean).

Frankly I find it amazing that if a parent says their child has downtime in front of a screen after school there are accusations of laziness etc. But if a childcare provider says that their mindees need to relax in front of a screen after school, it's a valid point.

If I came on here saying that my children had chicken nuggets and crisps for tea on a regular basis...because it's what they will eat, I'd rightly have my arse handed to me but if you're a childcare provider doing the same thing you'r being sensible...

I would have issues with both things.
I think an anon. letter is daft though.
If it is on site, would it be worth an initial conversation with the school management? Even if run by an outside provider (some are, some are under the jurisdiction of the school), it will clearly be all dc from the school that go there, and the schools are under pressure to encourage 'healthy lifestyles', so it might be a way to start a conversation.

That food is bad OP....once a week you might not mind so much but 5 days? Surely it's bad for children to eat such processed foods.

I would say something. Does the school have a healthy lunchbox policy? Is the club actually run by school or another body?

At my DD's school they offer toast with a variety of spreads and juice or water.

Thanks all.

The suggestions that I put him elsewhere are a bit daft, sorry. I don't have the luxury of choice and I'm not moving a child who has never coped well with a change in childcare locations (room moves at nursery were traumatic and he spent the first two days of breakfast club and ASC crying ). I'm well aware discussing these issues with the staff may result in no change and we'll just have to lump it. And as for it being the cheap option...hardly. It's onsite, he gets to play with his friends, in a familiar environment with a beautiful outdoor area. We could afford a childminder, but no CM would give him that. Since a CM has come on here saying she gives crap food 'because that's all they'll eat' anyway, hardly instils me with confidence. And as for suggesting I just look after my own child...charming. I can't. So I would like to have some input into how he is looked after, if I see issues that I think could negatively impact on other children as well.

I'm comparing my own ASC experiences - a snack (an actual snack) was perfectly sufficient and 'down time' was a book on a beanbag. But to be honest, I recall mainly just heading straight outside again, in all weathers. I seriously question this insistence that 'down time' is required and that that can only come in the form of a screen.

Screens are an effective way of containing children so yes, Waddle, I do feel I need the TV at home to enable me to get ready unhindered in the morning and to keep them away from hot pans in the evening. If you have equally effective alternatives to keeping a 4 and a 2 year old out of my way and not trashing the house or each other, I would be genuinely interested in hearing them. Everything else I've tried results in crying, screaming, injuries, arguments, me being late and completely frazzled, small children trying to 'help' stir things in hot pans or me getting work clothes covered in snot/dribble/food, and at the very least a huge mess for me to deal with at the moment I need to get out the door.

To whoever mentioned Monopoly vs a screen, thinking a screen was comparable - Monopoly has so many advantages over a screen I don't even know where to start. Baseline movement is greater with any non-screen activity, even sedentary ones, added to which Monopoly has added social elements, fine motor skill requirements, computational skills....Monopoly every time over a screen.

No, before some wag suggests it, I'm not giving my children Monopoly instead of the TV at home to enable me to get ready/make dinner. DS2 is two, and not a staggeringly advanced two, either. It would end up spread from front door to garden and I'd be picking battleships and dogs out of radiators for years to come.

Thank you for the suggestions on how to broach it. It didn't occur to me that they perhaps limit the screen time so I'll check that (although I still don't think it's necessary at all with all the other options available). If there is no change in the food, I will consider sending him in with a snack, although I do think it's a bit isolating for him, and DS2 would get particularly upset if chips are on offer for everyone else because he's a beige-food dustbin when given half the chance. They are rated OFSTED 'Excellent' so how they got that with the food they serve, I have no idea.

You want input in to how your child is looked after then send him with food you do want him to eat and tell the staff no screen time.
What you are wanting to do is change everything just to suit your child.
Other parents are clearly happy with the food and activities otherwise they would have complained and things would have changed.

Anonymous letter? Own your problem and speak to them yourself if it bothers you that much

Or, even simpler, tell them no screens for your ds and he takes his own snack. Done.

I would be very unhappy with both, OP, especially the screens. I don't think kids need screen tims to relax. If a child needs to relax he/she can read a book, play board games, do crafts, build blocks/Lego, chat with friends, etc. (I say "if" because not every kid needs sedentary time after a largely sedentary school day. My two BEG to stop at the playground every day after school, and there are always tons of kids from their school there, all running around like maniacs and having a lovely time.)

All that being said, an anonymous letter is silly. Put your big girl panties on and talk to them. If I were you I would also seek out some other parents' opinions to see if they feel the same. Despite the responses you've gotten, I think IRL you might find a lot more people who agree with you.

our asc has a couple of computer games. if the kids want a go they put their names down on arrival. i think its 20 mins each. but they are not allowed to sit and watch each other. they have to go off and do something else. friut is provided and nothing else. kids take a packed tea.

You can't go elsewhere. It's afterschool club not that simple! I think you are completely valid about both issues.

People who are saying the kids won't eat healthy stuff: if they're hungry, they'll eat it. Why cater to them whinging about wanting nuggets? They presumably won't starve to death if they don't eat anything for an hour or two.

Think carefully. Undoubtedly it will be full with people waiting for a space. Your dc is not obliged to eat the chips and he could eat the salad. You could tell him and them that he isnt allowed the meal and instead send in snack if your chouce. Kids who have been at school all day want to relax. Most choose to do this in frobt of a screen. They are not s bespoke nanny service. They are a good value safe club. Yabu.

so cansu people should just accept any old shite because it's cheap?

Yabu about the screens. Kids like to relax after school. I don't get the angst here you see on MN about it at all.

Nor do i Laguna. Maybe op needs to emply a nanny to fetch them from school to her house where she can set the ground rukes

When my dc were in after school club I felt guilty enough because I couldn't be there to pick them up. The set up there was similar to yours op.

I liked that they could do what they wanted, helped ease the guilt for me a little to know they could relax after a day of what is nowadays an awful lot of pressure in school.

If this is the set up the other parents are happy with I think it would be rotten to make a fuss to change it for everyone. Maybe as a pp suggested canvass other opinions, if they are happy then just set the rules for your dc.

I can understand the way you feel, but having worked at a school with an almost identical set up, you are on a hiding to nothing as most of your complaints can be sorted by you telling your child what to do

The food - all those foods with be 1) oven or micro cooked 2) Easy to eat 3) appealing to the 'masses' 4) Meant to be a snack.
ASC's are pretty much self funded. They can't make full 'decent' meals for children that probably won't eat it unless they put their costs way up. They have to make things quickly and easily. They have to be able to clear up quickly and easily. They have to be able to help the youngest kids whilst expecting the oldest kids feed themselves.

The games. If they go outside more often they need more staff, they can't just let them go. Most staff means more money. Again they have to appeal to the masses and lots of children would see drawing/painting/reading as just more learning. They play screen games as that is what the children think of as 'play'. If they are tearing around outside they run the risk of the older kids 'hurting' the younger kids (sadly I've seen it, Year 6's picking on Year 1's because there isn't as much segregation as school, nor as much supervision).

It's something you will only solve (for you) by voting with your feet. If you are unable to tell your child not to eat, or to choose salad, or to read a book rather than play a PlayStation then you need to find another place where those things are not an issue.

I seriously question this insistence that 'down time' is required and that that can only come in the form of a screen.

I completely agree with you.

The entire set-up with the screens and the food sounds crap. I think you are right to complain.

Again they have to appeal to the masses and lots of children would see drawing/painting/reading as just more learning. They play screen games as that is what the children think of as 'play'.

Well, that is bloody sad if it's true.

Op yanbu. I'd be unhappy too. More about the food really because over 5 days that has a big impact on his diet over the week.

I'm not really sure how it's considered such an excellent option if it offers crap food and a lot of screen time! But I can see its a good choice for your ds so I wouldn't consider moving him either.

We've had to change family eating habits to fit around the meals the nursery or childminder provides. I think that's just part and parcel of using childcare. You have to accept their terms, unless you have a nanny.

I honestly don't think the asc will make changes unless a lot of parents complain. You could talk to them about how they encourage children to make good choices.

I think I would not bother with a family meal if he's already eaten, and just offer fruit. Alternatively choose a couple of days a week where he agrees to take his own snack in and eats at home with you.

A lot of reasonably healthy food can be made quickly and easily. My ASC offered a variety of things including, sandwiches with different fillings, fruit, vegetable sticks, baked potato, various salads. Pasta with different sauces, crackers, toast, cheese. Always different things to choose from. I never saw chips or crisps, ever. We didn't throw a lot away and we were the cheapest club in the area by a long way. (I should clarify that I was a parent and staff at different times).

It doesn't have to be organic, clean eating but it also doesn't need to be processed crap.