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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving Out EOW

53 replies

nottowantomoveout · 26/05/2017 18:23

My DP & I live together. House is both our names - we split everything. I have 2 DCs as does he.

I love our life together apart from one thing. His 2 DCs have never accepted their parents split & do not like us being together.

So EOW I 'move' out - to friends or relatives whilst his DCs stay. I completely understand the DCs feelings but just feeling a bit fed up this weekend. Beautiful weather - they will be having BBQ/pub whilst I'm on my jack jones.

AIBU to feel a bit pissed off ?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 26/05/2017 18:26

How old are the children?

Sounds like they need to learn to accept you, by you hiding away that isn't going to happen

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 26/05/2017 18:34

were you the other woman? Not judging but Need more info.

Your relationship sounds serious so no you can't hide away, what does your dp think should happen?

NSEA · 26/05/2017 18:37

It is your home and yes they need to accept it so next time you don't move out.

Sirzy · 26/05/2017 18:38

Assuming this has been the arrangement for a while though I wouldn't just go from "nothing to all" straight away. Maybe build up via days out etc over a couple of weeks/months before making it the norm for you to be there all weekend.

Finola1step · 26/05/2017 18:41

Where are your dc when you ship out?

Original poster
nottowantomoveout · 26/05/2017 18:42

No - not the other woman.

They are 13 & 16.

I understand the need for Dad time & if I was there I would take myself of shopping for a few hours etc.

DP just wants them to be happy & everything he does is so they are comfortable (often driving hours over the weekend to take them places).

I feel a bit like a 'booty' call because if they aren't happy & want to go home then I get the call to come back (usually a hour drive)

OP posts:
Tapandgo · 26/05/2017 18:43

More info needed as other posters say

Original poster
nottowantomoveout · 26/05/2017 18:43

My Dc are older & have left home.

OP posts:
Seenoevil · 26/05/2017 18:44

We're do your dc go?

I wouldn't pack my bag every other weekend, if your both serious together then his kids need to get used to it and that isn't going to happen if you hide all the time

Tapandgo · 26/05/2017 18:44

Sorry crossed posted.
Given that info, it sounds ridiculous as bridges will never be built if you are not around to help the construction

AnyFucker · 26/05/2017 18:45

You are being made a mug of

Why the hell are you swallowing this ?

ImperialBlether · 26/05/2017 18:46

I wouldn't be happy with that. And sometimes they don't even stay after you've left?

How long were you together before you moved in together? How long have you been together?

Crunchymum · 26/05/2017 18:47

Absolute insanity. How long is this expected to carry on for? (And how long have you been doing this?)

caffeinestream · 26/05/2017 18:47

Why are you putting up with this?

Nocabbageinmyeye · 26/05/2017 18:47

Wtf?!?? I would put a stop to this asap (not that I would have started), it's madness!!! Two spoiled brats get to dictate when you go home? If your dh can't grow a pair and stand up to his kids tell him move fucking out Shock

Leeds2 · 26/05/2017 18:48

I think they are old enough to be able to cope with your presence in your house. Your DP is just enabling them.
Maybe, next time, start with being there when they arrive, then DP taking them out without you and having a meal together when they get back i.e. just make sure they have plenty of time alone with their dad, but still try and build a relationship with them.

OnlyRose · 26/05/2017 18:49

What would happen if you just decided to stay at home this weekend?

kittensinmydinner1 · 26/05/2017 18:50

Sorry OP this is a complete nonsense and you are being taken for a fool. With roles reversed and your unfriendly kids visiting, would he move out every fortnight. Outrageous.
13 & 16 can learn some bloody manners and be polite to their fathers partner. I am a step daughter and a step mother. Wouldn't stand for it - nor would it have been accepted. Put your foot down.

HildaOg · 26/05/2017 18:50

This is ridiculous. He should move out to a relatives eow and pander to them there. You shouldn't be forced out of your own home!

Lelloteddy · 26/05/2017 18:51

You need to put your foot down now.
Making sure the kids get lots of time with their dad is one thing. You moving out of your own home is an entirely different thing.
DSD suggested that my kids and I 'moved out' for the weekend if she wanted to stay over. She suggested it once and needless to say that was the end of it.

peppatax · 26/05/2017 18:51

You can't keep doing this OP - it's not sustainable long term.

I'm in a similar situation but duck in and out, I understand why you need to leave your DP to it but equally you've set a precedence. Can you start by staying overnight on the Saturday but be out during the day? I often 'have stuff on' so I can leave DP and his DD to alone time without being obvious that's why - if she knew that's why I can see her longer term engineering more 'Daddy time' but equally I do enjoy the time to please myself!

WatchingFromTheWings · 26/05/2017 18:51

I'd not be putting up with that. It's your home too. The sooner they get used to things the better.

chickenowner · 26/05/2017 18:53

This situation is unacceptable and means that you don't have a proper home.

Finola1step · 26/05/2017 18:53

It is fantastic that your DP is do sensitive to his dc's feelings. But, and this is a huge but, this has gone on for far too long and has now entered crazy territory.

Tell him that the situation has to change. That you are happy for a more gradual change. But the change has to happen.

Butterymuffin · 26/05/2017 18:53

No way would I leave the house I jointly own under those circumstances. Give them plenty of dad time by him taking them out and you staying in, then the reverse, yes. Meekly moving out for the weekend, absolutely not.