Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving Out EOW

53 replies

nottowantomoveout · 26/05/2017 18:23

My DP & I live together. House is both our names - we split everything. I have 2 DCs as does he.

I love our life together apart from one thing. His 2 DCs have never accepted their parents split & do not like us being together.

So EOW I 'move' out - to friends or relatives whilst his DCs stay. I completely understand the DCs feelings but just feeling a bit fed up this weekend. Beautiful weather - they will be having BBQ/pub whilst I'm on my jack jones.

AIBU to feel a bit pissed off ?

OP posts:
Original poster
nottowantomoveout · 26/05/2017 18:54

I know - I feel like an absolute mug.

The exam & stress excuse has been used for months now.

We have been together 2.5 years & living together for about 8 months.
I have stayed at the house one night when they have been there but then the Dcs made excuses not to come on his weekend.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/05/2017 18:55

It never ceases to amaze me just how much shit a person will swallow just to be in a "relationship"

Maudlinmaud · 26/05/2017 18:59

Op stay in your home please. This situation is maddening. Give them space if they need it but don't be moving out.

Butterymuffin · 26/05/2017 19:00

He needs to sit down and talk to them, tell them he loves them but they can't dictate you moving out on those weekends. You will have to ask for that. Don't be talked into thinking it's an unreasonable request, bad timing, too soon etc.

Smeaton · 26/05/2017 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VelvetSpoon · 26/05/2017 19:06

Presumably you knew they were unhappy about you and their dad's relationship before you moved in together? Why move in? Wouldn't it be easier to keep separate homes? (This is what my bf and I, together over 3 years, are doing, partly because we like our own space but also because it's easier for the kids. I don't get the rush to live together).

Also how long before the start of your relationship did your partner split with his XW? Do the kids perceive you as the OW?

Parker231 · 26/05/2017 19:08

I wouldn't be putting up with that arrangement. It's your home - why are you moving out EOW? Sounds like there are a couple of teenagers who need to grow up. Stay put this weekend and let them decide what they want to do - you are being a mug!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 26/05/2017 19:10

Hi OP, this has to stop, it's incredibly unfair on you.
To start the ball rolling, tell him that you will be staying at home, every other weekend. He can go elsewhere, I bet things soon change.
You were not the other woman, he needs to speak to his children, who are old enough to understand. He needs to man up.
Don't allow this miserable show to go on.☹️

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 26/05/2017 19:12

Sorry, I got that wrong, although I did read the full thread.
Tell him in future, he will be the one to move out, every other weekend.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 26/05/2017 19:17

Please reclaim your house and your life. . Or you will be doing this till they are adults!!
Your dp is being very unreasonable and the dc are very bloody entitled!!

CoraPirbright · 26/05/2017 19:17

Your DP isn't doing his kids any favours by pandering to them like this. I know its difficult for them to accept that their dad has a new partner but they are 13 & 16 and it has been 2.5 years not 2.5 minutes. I think you should start phasing yourself in - be there when they arrive and then leave shortly afterwards for the first couple of times and then work up to generally being around. Not fair on you at all!

Lynnm63 · 26/05/2017 19:25

I'd start changing this. Maybe be there when they arrive, go out for the day but come back to your house at least to sleep. I'd build up to being in my own house as much as I wanted. I guess I'd give them space by doing chores or reading/working in a different room. You could implement it during the summer holidays if you don't want to do it now because of exams.

Original poster
nottowantomoveout · 26/05/2017 19:31

They really seem great kids.

DP & I have very differing views on child upbringing. Mine have always been taught to be independent, adventurous kids - were the first to walk to school on their own etc .. & seem to be very well rounded adults.

DPs children have had EVERYTHING done for them even now at their ages they are babysat.

He's just sent a pic of them in a pub garden in the sun & said 'it's nearly perfect but not quite because you aren't here'
I replied " The next time I will there with the 3 of you come what may"

OP posts:
CrazedZombie · 26/05/2017 19:32

If it wasn't for the timescales and number of children I'd think that this post was about my kids.

I have 3 kids with ex. His gf was OW and been with him for 5 years. When the kids visit she moves out to her parents' house. This happened after the kids complained about her to ex and they haven't seen her since. (2 years+) Before this, there have been periods where they refused to see him and maybe he thinks it's because of her. (It's not but he's never asked.)

Personally I don't know why she puts up with it. He goes on holiday with the kids (rather than her) and never spends Xmas or the whole of the Bank Holidays with her.

I'm not against the gf spending time with the kids before anyone accuses me of alienation. The stuff that pissed off the kids was minor and could have been sorted out imo. He is sticking his head in the sand and pretending that everything is ok but I think that it's gone on so long maybe they can't be bothered to change it? My youngest is 10 so it could be at least another 8 years of this contact pattern.

AnyFucker · 26/05/2017 19:36

Good for you

NurseScorne · 26/05/2017 19:40

Absolutely barking mad. That's your home!! You're having the piss well and truely ripped out of you. Please for the love of god tell him you will no longer be moving out of YOUR home every other weekend. If he doesn't like it, HE can fuck off somewhere else with his precious brats.

caffeinestream · 26/05/2017 19:49

And you put up with texts like that too?! Come on!

If he stood up and acted like a parent, you would be there. But you're not important enough.

Madwoman5 · 26/05/2017 19:56

Your house, your rules. Stay where you are. Bloody ridiculous. These kids can kick off all they like about the split, it was not your fault. Dp needs to step up and talk to them. If not, then a serious review of your relationship is needed. Do they want dp to stay alone forever? He loves you enough to share his home, life and kids. They need to learn to accept life goes on. They may not like it but pandering to this is unhealthy. That is from someone who was a kid in this situation and actually ended up with a good relationship with the ow.

AntiGrinch · 26/05/2017 20:09

I think the dcs should be able to see their dad's house as their home, unless we are going to take the view that only mothers are real parents and dads are part timers who can organise life on their own terms and dcs can like it or lump it.

BUT, OP, you are paying for this house! you shouldn't have let it get to this - buying and moving into a place - that you can't be comfortable in.

Get your money out of the house, move out, take your dcs with you, and date your boyfriend.

Fliptophead · 26/05/2017 20:11

They don't have to want to spend time with you. And you shouldn't have to leave your house. It may be that dh needs to go and spend time with them away from the house on his weekends. So pub with just them I'm afraid).

ollieplimsoles · 26/05/2017 20:15

You are being pushed around by teenagers, end it now

pigsDOfly · 26/05/2017 20:21

Not acceptable to allow to these two teenagers to drive you from your home every other weekend; it's a crazy situation.

They don't need to love you, but they do need to respect the fact that you are in your DP's life and your DP needs to treat you with more respect. How long is this situation supposed to continue?

Agree with pp, if this situation doesn't change I'd be taking my half of the rent/mortgage and setting up home somewhere else. You can't go on being treated like an interloper in your own home.

Charley50 · 26/05/2017 20:23

This is nuts. If they can't handle that their dad has a partner, let them stay at home (mums). What sort of ego trip must they be on to think its ok that you must disappear every time they visit?!!

Charley50 · 26/05/2017 20:24

And your DP is facilitating this craziness.. Glad youve made a stand now OP.

Inertia · 26/05/2017 20:30

This situation is crazy.

If your partner insists on spending time with his children without you there, he should be paying to take them away to a hotel somewhere. It's your home, you shouldn't feel forced out.