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Original poster

Wife's SAHM attitude is getting too much

999 replies

DesperateDanny · 26/05/2017 14:03

My wife's been a SAHM for the last 9 yrs but both our kids are now at school with the youngest about to finish P1 and i feel like I'm having the piss taken out of me. We both had careers before kids and agreed that my wife would give up for parenthood - cost of childcare, wanting to be there for the kids many of the reasons. We didn't discuss what happened after the kids went to school though.

I work full time with a bit of a commute on either end so i'm out of the house 5 days a week, my wife drops the kids off just before 9, picks up after 3 and essentially has 6 hrs/ 5 days a week with no kids. despite this household chores, food shopping, etc get divided exactly 50/50 at the weekends and any time i mention it i get shouted down with a barrage of "you'd have me chained to the sink" arguments. during the day, as far as i can tell her time is spent, going to the gym, shopping, meeting friends, getting haircuts etc. the thing that's really got to me was that during an argument about it last weekend she said that she's earned time to herself after looking after the kids for so many years.

I'm now so frustrated and bitter about it almost anything on this topic really gets to me - how come if you use the milk at breakfast it takes me to go and get some more in the evening? why if the bin is emptied at 9am is it still at the bottom of the drive when i get in, all of these petty things are really getting me down. What's more it seems she's got a group of very like minded SAHM friends who seemingly encourage her to stand her ground.

I don't know when she became so entitled or how she manages to tell me she's really too busy during the day to do x,y, and z with a straight face but I'm at my wits end, i thought that as our youngest got settled in P1 that she might think about maybe returning to PT work or at the very least do some of the work we do at the weekend to free up family time but it's getting worse and I'm really struggling to see a way out of it.

I'd really like to hear from other SAHMs r.e. when their kids went to school.

OP posts:
RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 27/05/2017 22:26

stitch

I wasnt going to be a sahm either

Life is weird

Sorry about your littleone....you are not worthless Thanks

doubleshotespresso · 27/05/2017 22:29

Stitch It sounds to me like you hold a huge amount of value if you're able to do this every day... you are clearly far from worthless.... Smile

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 27/05/2017 22:30

But what do you want her to say double

do you actually want her to say that she believes that women who go out to work instead of staying home are wrong?

I dont think she believes that

YoloSwaggins · 27/05/2017 22:30

Sorry you feel shit Flowers What you do is definitely worthwhile. Sorry that things are hard right now.

If it makes you feel any better, I only go on here because my job has no project work on ATM and is dull as fuck so I go on DM and MN all day! Then get so invested in the discussions and take them home. Currently looking for another job but these things take ages.

I regret getting into this argument especially over a fake OP

NavyandWhite · 27/05/2017 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doubleshotespresso · 27/05/2017 22:33

Rufus/Navy

*But what do you want her to say double

do you actually want her to say that she believes that women who go out to work instead of staying home are wrong?

I dont think she believes that*

I would just like her to explain her comment and if she thinks (as it read to many of us) that she/her choice is superior

I don't know what she believes as she has consistently and deliberately failed to respond to very clear questions

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 27/05/2017 22:34

I am supposed to be reading Sad

Once again a dumb thread has wasted my entire evening

We have just watched aliens 4 and now predator

I am so devoted to my children Grin

lasegundapaloma · 27/05/2017 22:35

Stitch -there was another thread a few months ago that went like this and it left me very distressed, questioning my whole worth and if my life has been a waste. I was totally knocked sideways by some of the attitudes tbh.

I ended up breaking down to DH but he was fantastic and brought me back to my normal self with the help of the kids. Nobody is worthless. We all know this. Just do what makes you happy and never feel guilty for doing your best YOLO!

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 27/05/2017 22:36

Well one of them

the eldest has gone to the beach and another is at a sleepover

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 27/05/2017 22:37

lase

I said to dh yesterday that i didnt want him to think i was sponging off him Smile

stitchglitched · 27/05/2017 22:38

Thanks. I think when a thread has you bawling your eyes out at 10.30 on a saturday night it's probably time to step away from MN for a while. Night all.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 27/05/2017 22:38

Not ignoring you double

There is just not much i can say to that Smile

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 27/05/2017 22:39

Night stitch

NavyandWhite · 27/05/2017 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lasegundapaloma · 27/05/2017 22:44

Rufus I asked the same of DH after the last thread Grin He looked totally baffled. I realised we never discuss our roles and how they came about. Anyway he said some lovely things and that was when he acknowledged he's been a workaholic for years and the impact this has had.

doubleshotespresso · 27/05/2017 22:45

Navy I do not look down on you as a SAHM. I would disagree with anybody else that did.

It is the attitude you have displayed, not your family choices that have been questioned let's be clear. And yes other posts have been off, that does not though justify or explain your silence.

Rufus no worries at all, there's little to say no ;-)

NavyandWhite · 27/05/2017 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AvoidingCallenetics · 27/05/2017 22:47

Goodnight stitch

HorridHenryrule · 27/05/2017 22:49

I can't believe this thread is still going it's not helpful at all. Some mums have a choice and others don't no point in battling one another for it. I think this whole thread is sad and should be taken down.

NavyandWhite · 27/05/2017 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doubleshotespresso · 27/05/2017 22:51

Stitch goodnight I hope you're ok.

Navy This is where I was offended:
Some women understand the importance of raising a child themselves without putting it in nursery, before and after school club etc

I would like you to say whatever it is that you truly meant. Answers to these two questions would have ironed this out pages / hours ago:

Do you consider your choice as a SAHM superior to my choice to work?
Do you acknowledge how offensive it was to others on here reading?

NavyandWhite · 27/05/2017 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doubleshotespresso · 27/05/2017 22:58

That's right Navy. 9 pages on exploit another vulnerable and upset poster for your own gain.

Yet the impact your own posts have you accept no responsibility for. Or is that just tough shit for anybody who dares differ from your entitled view?

Well done you Hmm

NavyandWhite · 27/05/2017 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doubleshotespresso · 27/05/2017 23:05

Nowt wrong with that.

But you still consider yourself better than those who choose otherwise?

Or do you at the very least acknowledge the offence you caused?