Wife's SAHM attitude is getting too much

[DesperateDanny]

My wife's been a SAHM for the last 9 yrs but both our kids are now at school with the youngest about to finish P1 and i feel like I'm having the piss taken out of me. We both had careers before kids and agreed that my wife would give up for parenthood - cost of childcare, wanting to be there for the kids many of the reasons. We didn't discuss what happened after the kids went to school though.

I work full time with a bit of a commute on either end so i'm out of the house 5 days a week, my wife drops the kids off just before 9, picks up after 3 and essentially has 6 hrs/ 5 days a week with no kids. despite this household chores, food shopping, etc get divided exactly 50/50 at the weekends and any time i mention it i get shouted down with a barrage of "you'd have me chained to the sink" arguments. during the day, as far as i can tell her time is spent, going to the gym, shopping, meeting friends, getting haircuts etc. the thing that's really got to me was that during an argument about it last weekend she said that she's earned time to herself after looking after the kids for so many years.

I'm now so frustrated and bitter about it almost anything on this topic really gets to me - how come if you use the milk at breakfast it takes me to go and get some more in the evening? why if the bin is emptied at 9am is it still at the bottom of the drive when i get in, all of these petty things are really getting me down. What's more it seems she's got a group of very like minded SAHM friends who seemingly encourage her to stand her ground.

I don't know when she became so entitled or how she manages to tell me she's really too busy during the day to do x,y, and z with a straight face but I'm at my wits end, i thought that as our youngest got settled in P1 that she might think about maybe returning to PT work or at the very least do some of the work we do at the weekend to free up family time but it's getting worse and I'm really struggling to see a way out of it.

I'd really like to hear from other SAHMs r.e. when their kids went to school.

*Last 5 statements even

Maisie you missed one scenario. Sahp does virtually everything to do with kids. Both during the day,evening and weekends.
Wp thinks that it is not there job to do even basic self care.

Honestly I think all these threads are the same person, it's too much of a coincidence not to be.

Some women understand not reasonablebecause it implies some sense of superiority
Some women think it's for the best reasonable
Some women do it because it suits them reasonable
Some women don't want to leave their children with someone else reasonable
Some women want a different life for their kids than they had reasonable
Some women place the importance of their child before their career.. unreasonable because it assumes women who work don't have the needs of their kids at heart

Anything that suggests somebody staying at home or working is some kind of moral parenting of the year decision is an arse. Whatever "side" you are on.

What is the relevance of swimsuits please?

yolo given that you don't have dcs yet, you presumably don't have loads of SAHM or WOHM friends either. To be fair this may give your views less weight with people who have more experience of it all. I'm glad you felt the best way was for your mum to be WOHM. Some friends of mine are SAHM because they felt WOHM model didn't work and vice versa. Some make those choices out of necessity or for other complex reasons and circumstances

stitch swimsuits can be packed and put by the front door by 4 year olds and are proof SAHMs are pointless

Sahp does virtually everything to do with kids. Both during the day,evening and weekends. Wp thinks that it is not there job to do even basic self care.
I thought I alluded to that when I mentioned the working parent having all weekend as me time but absolutely agree what you describe takes the piss.

So people in that situation should challenge it (and not do what some people do which is wear it as a.martyr badge for how dedicated they are).

To me it's a partnership. It's give an take on both sides. If EITHER the SAHP or WOHP starts taking the piss and not pulling their weight it causes resentment.

stitch

Someone mentioned it ages ago as a sahm job

lass is very attached to swimsuits...or they give her flashbacks or something

Cheers Angel!! I thought as much. Throws in a grenade then vanishes!! I dare say there is no lazy SAHM here.

It's funny because all through this thread the wohp posters have done exactly what you're accusing me of Lass but none of the sahm brought them to task

I don't actually recall anyone claiming superiority. I am sceptical about the vast amount of household admin some sahms claim they have to do. I did not say one or the other was superior.

Well whoever it is starting these threads obviously has a bag of chips on their shoulder about women who stay home. Only they know why.

As I said, I have never come across anything like this in real life. Nobody even asks if I work or not.

vast amount of household admin some sahms claim they have to do

I dont believe any sahm claimed it was a vast amount

Just one 'job' they felt they had

lass is very attached to swimsuits...or they give her flashbacks or something

Well it is clearly very important given Navy added it to her list of household admin tasks which sahms do.

Navy your not so subtle attempt above to detract from what you vey clearly meant fails to cut the mustard here.

Did you believe that your choice to remain home with your DC'S is better than my choice to go to work and put my DC in nursery? And do all the household stuff but that's a whole other thread!

lastgirl

I'm a lazy sahm

I'm a lazy sahm

Oh wait...

navy If you mean each woman knows her own situation and makes a choice whether to work/stay at home that's right for her and her family (with zero judgement on women who understand know to stay at home), then that's fine.

I read it a bit "those women who really do know what's best would stay at home". But maybe that's because I'm fed up of hearing from my own family members that having a career is awful.

Well, I take my hat off to SAHMs. How they do it, I just don't know. And I speak as a WOHM of four wee ones. I have it much easier as I have a job to escape to.

double some people think it's preferable to SAH rather than put children into nursery. You must have noticed this by now. It is because they want to look after the dcs themselves/think they benefit from one to one care with an actual parent etc. Thats not exactly shock horror it is well known. Some people think WOH is the best option or need to take that option.

What is the relevance of swimsuits please?

Included on Navy's list of SAHM household admin tasks.