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Original poster

Wife's SAHM attitude is getting too much

999 replies

DesperateDanny · 26/05/2017 14:03

My wife's been a SAHM for the last 9 yrs but both our kids are now at school with the youngest about to finish P1 and i feel like I'm having the piss taken out of me. We both had careers before kids and agreed that my wife would give up for parenthood - cost of childcare, wanting to be there for the kids many of the reasons. We didn't discuss what happened after the kids went to school though.

I work full time with a bit of a commute on either end so i'm out of the house 5 days a week, my wife drops the kids off just before 9, picks up after 3 and essentially has 6 hrs/ 5 days a week with no kids. despite this household chores, food shopping, etc get divided exactly 50/50 at the weekends and any time i mention it i get shouted down with a barrage of "you'd have me chained to the sink" arguments. during the day, as far as i can tell her time is spent, going to the gym, shopping, meeting friends, getting haircuts etc. the thing that's really got to me was that during an argument about it last weekend she said that she's earned time to herself after looking after the kids for so many years.

I'm now so frustrated and bitter about it almost anything on this topic really gets to me - how come if you use the milk at breakfast it takes me to go and get some more in the evening? why if the bin is emptied at 9am is it still at the bottom of the drive when i get in, all of these petty things are really getting me down. What's more it seems she's got a group of very like minded SAHM friends who seemingly encourage her to stand her ground.

I don't know when she became so entitled or how she manages to tell me she's really too busy during the day to do x,y, and z with a straight face but I'm at my wits end, i thought that as our youngest got settled in P1 that she might think about maybe returning to PT work or at the very least do some of the work we do at the weekend to free up family time but it's getting worse and I'm really struggling to see a way out of it.

I'd really like to hear from other SAHMs r.e. when their kids went to school.

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 27/05/2017 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YoloSwaggins · 27/05/2017 21:13

Navy can believe what she wants regarding childcare.

My issue is that she made it sound that anyone who hasn't reached her holy level of thinking and had the same epiphany, is inferior. Because that is how the comment came across. I'd have had no problem if she'd said "To me it's more important to look after my own children", but she didn't say that. She said "some women understand the importance".

stitchglitched · 27/05/2017 21:13

SAHMs have pretty much been labelled worthless on this thread. No one subjected those posters to the Spanish Inquisition.

PetalMettle · 27/05/2017 21:13

Yeah there's been some unpleasant comments I agree, but I didn't think I'd seen anyone imply that sahms cared about their kids less than wohp.

YoloSwaggins · 27/05/2017 21:14

Like there's "some women" and then the rest in a trash heap.

That is what the comment sounded like.

NavyandWhite · 27/05/2017 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite · 27/05/2017 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PetalMettle · 27/05/2017 21:17

Ffs navy you didn't say that. If you'd said I want to stay at home with my kids, fine, good for you. You said "some women understand" suggesting that only sahms get it and the rest of us are thick as well as being bad parents. Stop lying, you think you're superior to wohms and a better parent. As others have said you're entitled to believe that but for pity's sake own it

stitchglitched · 27/05/2017 21:17

'My issue is that she made it sound that anyone who hasn't reached her holy level of thinking and had the same epiphany, is inferior.'

Yolo a little while ago you actually said that you 'baulk' at anyone who has different thinking to you on this issue. Can you really not see your hypocrisy here?

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 27/05/2017 21:17

double

Your post at 21:02

I can't speak for double but what I would like is for her to apologise for such a smug unpleasant comment and stop pretending she didn't make it.

This

Not a big ask I don't think

You quoted another poster wanting an apology and then agreed and said it wasnt a big ask

Sounded like you were agreeing an apology was in order

lasegundapaloma · 27/05/2017 21:17

Well some women do understand the importance of looking after their own DC!

Some women understand the importance of going to work.

What are people struggling with here?

YoloSwaggins · 27/05/2017 21:18

Be quiet? Yes great way to address a legit argument claps

I'll try that one next time.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 27/05/2017 21:18

yolo

You have a disturbing habit of exaggerating and adding unnecessary hyperbole

YoloSwaggins · 27/05/2017 21:19

Yolo a little while ago you actually said that you 'baulk' at anyone who has different thinking to you on this issue.

Yes, I baulk.

I didn't say everyone who doesn't baulk are idiots who "don't understand the importance of working".

Big difference!

YoloSwaggins · 27/05/2017 21:20

Ffs navy you didn't say that. If you'd said I want to stay at home with my kids, fine, good for you. You said "some women understand" suggesting that only sahms get it and the rest of us are thick as well as being bad parents. Stop lying, you think you're superior to wohms and a better parent. As others have said you're entitled to believe that but for pity's sake own it

Exactly!

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/05/2017 21:21

Well some women do understand the importance of looking after their own DC!

Some women understand the importance of going to work

The 2 are not incompatible. You don't stop looking after your children just because you work.

doubleshotespresso · 27/05/2017 21:22

Double do you think women who choose to stay at home because they believe it's more important than going to work are wrong?

No of course not - far from it. I consider it a choice each family makes and I would't think any less of anybody choosing to stay home or anybody who goes to work.... We all do what he hope is the best for our DC surely?

doubleshotespresso · 27/05/2017 21:23

Bit I don't consider myself superior for the choice I and my family make over others who may choose to do differently....

That is not at all how you have come across here, regardless of the context.

lasegundapaloma · 27/05/2017 21:23

Yolo - I think it's great that you admire your mum, I really do. My bet though, is that you would love and admire your mum just as much if she had been a SAHM when you were growing up.

Just relax and see how you feel if you ever are lucky enough to have children.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 27/05/2017 21:24

I haven't read the full thread but just wanted to pitch in to say that I am currently a full time working mother of four under sixes and each day I am home with them I think how easy I have it at work (and my job is NOT easy, believe me).

I was a SAHM for around eight months and I have never been so shattered and utterly, totally exhausted.

Out of interest, has the hard-done-by and desperate OP been back?? Maybe not so Desperate Danny after all!!

NavyandWhite · 27/05/2017 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YoloSwaggins · 27/05/2017 21:26

My bet though, is that you would love and admire your mum just as much if she had been a SAHM when you were growing up.

Indeed, I agree Smile

YoloSwaggins · 27/05/2017 21:28

Some women understand
Some women think it's for the best
Some women do it because it suits them
Some women don't want to leave their children with someone else
Some women want a different life for their kids than they had
Some women place the importance of their child before their career..

But do you not see - the last 6 statements are absolutely fine. No issue.

"Some women understand" implies superiority.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/05/2017 21:28

How delightful Navy

Your attempt at backtracking on your "some women understand" comment failed miserably. At least be honest that you think your swimsuit packing skills make you superior.

angelcakerocks · 27/05/2017 21:28

He hasn't been back lastgirl
He may be busy doing all the housework or possibly having started another SAHM bashing thread Wink

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