Wife's SAHM attitude is getting too much

[DesperateDanny]

My wife's been a SAHM for the last 9 yrs but both our kids are now at school with the youngest about to finish P1 and i feel like I'm having the piss taken out of me. We both had careers before kids and agreed that my wife would give up for parenthood - cost of childcare, wanting to be there for the kids many of the reasons. We didn't discuss what happened after the kids went to school though.

I work full time with a bit of a commute on either end so i'm out of the house 5 days a week, my wife drops the kids off just before 9, picks up after 3 and essentially has 6 hrs/ 5 days a week with no kids. despite this household chores, food shopping, etc get divided exactly 50/50 at the weekends and any time i mention it i get shouted down with a barrage of "you'd have me chained to the sink" arguments. during the day, as far as i can tell her time is spent, going to the gym, shopping, meeting friends, getting haircuts etc. the thing that's really got to me was that during an argument about it last weekend she said that she's earned time to herself after looking after the kids for so many years.

I'm now so frustrated and bitter about it almost anything on this topic really gets to me - how come if you use the milk at breakfast it takes me to go and get some more in the evening? why if the bin is emptied at 9am is it still at the bottom of the drive when i get in, all of these petty things are really getting me down. What's more it seems she's got a group of very like minded SAHM friends who seemingly encourage her to stand her ground.

I don't know when she became so entitled or how she manages to tell me she's really too busy during the day to do x,y, and z with a straight face but I'm at my wits end, i thought that as our youngest got settled in P1 that she might think about maybe returning to PT work or at the very least do some of the work we do at the weekend to free up family time but it's getting worse and I'm really struggling to see a way out of it.

I'd really like to hear from other SAHMs r.e. when their kids went to school.

That's just my opinion, we're all entitled to one

I have no idea if navy believes those things

But if she does...so what?

If she or any other poster does believe it, it would just be their opinion

Well I think that worked well Angelcake didn't it?

Not badgering you at all Navy, I am challenging and yes asking again for an explanation for your spectacularly offensive comments about WOHM's that's all....

I have read the full thread - just like you and many others, I do not share the views of everybody posting on here,(from either side to be honest) far from it. I view parenting alongside working or not as a choice each family should make according to their circumstances. That is why I sought a response from the sweepingly negative statement you made and are yet to own.

*You don't see that some women choose to stay at home because they think it's more important than going out to work?

And if so you think they're wrong?*

Nope, never said that. It's not a choice I would make but it's one I respect! I did say that once the kids are school age, and if there isn't other circumstances e.g. SEN, animals to look after, massive garden, and if the SAHP is basically just having leisure time while letting their partner work, and refuses to do housework and get a job, that is being lazy and entitled.

You've avoided our questions for 4 pages and instead are turning it around on us. I've answered all of yours.

You don't see that some women choose to stay at home because they think it's more important than going out to work?

Navy I would almost accept this. What I found so unforgivable was the inference that your choice was somehow better/holier/far superior than any parent choosing to go out to work. Whether you realise it or not, this comment was and is deeply offensive, specifically in the absence
still of any clear explanation.

You still haven't answered the question.

I'm trolling, when you've completely insulted all working parents and refuse to explain? Lol.

Rufus sorry just seen your post....

I suppose I referenced the OP as that is what brought me & I guess everybody else here... that is what I thought happened on all threads? OP posts a query, other MNer's offer their input and off we go.

I would agree though it is a bit odd or off for them not to return, but dare I say this, maybe he is at work or minding the kids?

Or moving the bin back up the drive?

Oh Yolo you were hanging on to fatdogs every insulting last word earlier. Your faux outrage at Navy's comment is ridiculous.

How is it faux?

I think it is outrageous and she still hasn't explained it.

double

Fair enough but as we all know threads move on

you only seem to be holding navy to answering the original question

And to be honest, its a bit of a non-question...the OP just seems to want sahp to tell him what they do during the day

Sorry double

Just reread and saw your comment re the OP returning

Long drive

Then people shouldn't start threads they cant return to due

I think its rude

Actually given the shit that's been flung my way I've actually been pretty restrained double.

If this is seriously you demonstrating restraint Navy I pity you. I don't buy that for a single second. You don't get to drop bombshells like this and then stand back as if you are actually a victim.

Once again: WE ARE STILL WAITING.

What was your point exactly with this?

Some women understand the importance of raising a child themselves without putting it in nursery, before and after school club etc.

Because having read the full thread I consider you to have flung more than your fair share of shit with no attempt at explaining yourself.

Answer the question please

Well if it isn't faux you are a massive hypocrite.

"I feel it is more important" = importance is subjective, depends on person.

"The importance of" = Importance is objective and importance of SAH> importance of working, working parents "don't understand it".

This is why your comment was so insulting.

I just hoped that what you meant is the top line, and it came out wrong.

"My children see their mum and dad as true partners"

So what do you suppose my DC see their dad and I as? What is important in a relationship is that you love and respect each other. There are many models for "true partners". What does having a job have to do with anything fgs?

If I had had no other choice but to use daycare or nannies for my kids then I would have done that, obviously. However, I always knew that this is not something that I would choose to do, given the choice. DH feels exactly the same. What is the shocker about that? Obviously people are SAHMs because -

The family can afford it
They don't want to use childcare

Why else would they be SAHMs?

Some women myself included feel/felt that it was more important to stay at home and raise their children rather than putting them in nursery or leaving them in after school clubs rather than pursue a career.

Why does that get under your skin double?

Because if you actually read your original "some women" comment, your inference / entitled superiority was inexplicably (&still is) tangible and in tone/intent entirely different to your last comment.

You referred to WP's children as "it".... It is clear you believe your choice is better than anybody else, despite agreeing with previous posters who stated this was a subject each family should make a choice on, despite clearly holding a different view.

It was this that got under my skin, closely followed by your consistent refusal to actually own or God forbid actually justify what exactly you meant.

Still waiting....

double

I dont really know what you want navy to say...honestly, not being snide

Maybe post what you think she should say and she can sign it or something