Wife's SAHM attitude is getting too much

[DesperateDanny]

My wife's been a SAHM for the last 9 yrs but both our kids are now at school with the youngest about to finish P1 and i feel like I'm having the piss taken out of me. We both had careers before kids and agreed that my wife would give up for parenthood - cost of childcare, wanting to be there for the kids many of the reasons. We didn't discuss what happened after the kids went to school though.

I work full time with a bit of a commute on either end so i'm out of the house 5 days a week, my wife drops the kids off just before 9, picks up after 3 and essentially has 6 hrs/ 5 days a week with no kids. despite this household chores, food shopping, etc get divided exactly 50/50 at the weekends and any time i mention it i get shouted down with a barrage of "you'd have me chained to the sink" arguments. during the day, as far as i can tell her time is spent, going to the gym, shopping, meeting friends, getting haircuts etc. the thing that's really got to me was that during an argument about it last weekend she said that she's earned time to herself after looking after the kids for so many years.

I'm now so frustrated and bitter about it almost anything on this topic really gets to me - how come if you use the milk at breakfast it takes me to go and get some more in the evening? why if the bin is emptied at 9am is it still at the bottom of the drive when i get in, all of these petty things are really getting me down. What's more it seems she's got a group of very like minded SAHM friends who seemingly encourage her to stand her ground.

I don't know when she became so entitled or how she manages to tell me she's really too busy during the day to do x,y, and z with a straight face but I'm at my wits end, i thought that as our youngest got settled in P1 that she might think about maybe returning to PT work or at the very least do some of the work we do at the weekend to free up family time but it's getting worse and I'm really struggling to see a way out of it.

I'd really like to hear from other SAHMs r.e. when their kids went to school.

Hang on, raising a child is important and some women choose to stay at home and not put them into nursery or use wraparound care.

That is a fact. And yes some women choose to stay at home to be with their child.

Why do some of you find this offensive?

I DON'T

It seems that you can give all kinds of insults and be offensive but can't handle the truth tbh.

It is this insulting and offensive post you made I find offensive. Deeply.

Some women understand the importance of raising a child themselves without putting it in nursery, before and after school club etc

Own that and handle it Navy you are doing yourself no favours here at all...

Not at all Soup not at all.

I hope that what I have contributed here helps you perhaps understand better other peoples' choices, as opposed to judging them

Lololol... except I don't see you calling anyone out on their posts that s vile and judgemental about SAHMS. Odd that.

I fail to see how anybody spouting the inconsistent bile within Navy's posts warrants or indeed needs my support or defence.

I fail to see how anybody spouting the inconsistent bile within Navy's posts warrants or indeed needs my support or defence.

That will be the "bile" that was "spouted" inresponse to the bile spouted by posters being foul about SAHMS....?

I don't see you seeking to make them understand. Like I said, funny that.

Anyway, this thread is a whole load of Goady posts. I'm off.

The "insults to SAHMs" were mainly people commenting that if OP's wife really is free to go to gym classes and coffee for 6 hours a day, and refused to do housework and get a job, she sounds entitled and lazy. Hardly an insult.

Saying working parents "don't understand the importance of raising their own kids and not putting them into nursery" is implying all working parents are basically inferior fuckwits. Vile insult.

Soup Are you seriously expecting me to police this entire thread on behalf of Navy for your own entertainment? Or has this hit a nerve with you, it very much reads so....

Funny that

Nearly 700 posts of lazy, freeloading, unfeminist, worthless, deserving of financial abuse. Outright mocking. Then someone makes one post that could be seen as critical of WOHMs and everyone is oh so offended.

There is a very sharp difference.

And again you choose to ignore the many insults thrown at sahm.

Why is that double?

Because I still await some kind of comprehensible response and explanation from yourself at the "some women", who you have specifically targeted.

Why is that Navy?

As a previous poster just said upthread, *You've been massively offensive".

Yet you expect me to defend you?

No. Just no.

Is this.....is this still going?

It will get to become a full up thread without the totally legit OP reappearing once.

The other thread? Jesus is one of these not enough?

That's just my opinion, we're all entitled to one.

Just because you don't agree with it, doesn't mean I'm winding anyone up. That OP asked a question. I answered it. Have you seen the other comments on that thread?

Nope someone's started another one.

Actually, I bet it's this same OP with a different name......

I'm not getting any more involved in that one because it's a complete rehash of everything that was said here.

The OP asked this Navy to conclude their post:

I'd really like to hear from other SAHMs r.e. when their kids went to school.

What is your response?

That doesn't read to me like they're ripping the piss out of SAHM's at all. It sounds like they're close to breaking point due to the attitude and approach their partner has adopted. As somebody who is a SAHM commenting so frequently here, what is your response to this?

Either that or the OP was trying to start a bunfight double

Yolo - I said the same as you before I had kids. And I say the same now.

I think that just women without children are as entitled to an opinion as women with children. We don't all change our minds or throw away our beliefs or our hard fought for careers on squeezing out a baby. I've done so twice and I am the same person as I was 12 years ago when I was childless.

The whole "you don't understand" is thrown about too often to shut up a section of society who are perfectly entitled to have an opinion and contribute to debates. Even on mumsnet. Ffs.

Also our experiences of being children are a massive influence on the person and the parent we become. My experience was of a frustrated and bitter woman forced to stay at home when she really wanted to,return to work. I swore then I would never give up my career for a child and I kept to that. My children see their mum and dad as true partners who go,out to work (though DH is semi retired) and share responsibility for the house.

That's feminism.

double

Not sure what the point of navy commenting on the original OP would be

Especially as the OP has not had the good manners to come back on

Cross post with navy

Because you haven't explained what you were insinuating with your "some women" comment. Were you implying childcare is harmful to children/an inferior choice to having a parent at home? Working parents lacked understanding? Selfish?

Please explain, we're waiting.