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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel guilty about this?

187 replies

Ginmakesitallok · 25/05/2017 18:19

Was hit by another car today going into a car park - after 2 barriers lanes merge into one, other driver should have given way, didn't and went into my side. Not too much damage, but could be costly respray, dent needs knocked out. Totally his fault. 18 year old driver, only had car a couple of weeks, insurance extortionate etc etc. His mum called me asked me not to go through insurance - I said I'd get a quote for damage, but I'd also tell my insurer . She asked me not to - it'll put his insurance through the roof, he has a high excess.

But - this has happened before (not the same accident obviously )and I've never gone through insurance, and always ended up with a shite repair job..

If I go through my insurance they will pick my car up, give me a courtesy car, get car fixed properly and deliver it back.

How do I know they will cough up? ? I've let my insurance know - but said I don't know if I want to make a claim.

Life would be easier for me to go via insurance, that's what I pay it for. Why do I feel so guilty???

OP posts:
ChocolateDigestiveAddict · 26/05/2017 17:50

No way would I agree to faff around getting different quotes; I wouldn't hesitate to go through his insurance!

It's tough shit for him and his mummy if they don't like it!

metspengler · 26/05/2017 18:05

"Look, you are not shopping around here, you are asking me for a favour which I was trying my best to do for you.

I've got the cheapest quote I can and I need it done now, so if you don't trust me, or are not going to just pay it up front I will just use the insurance like a normal person."

Secretsweets · 26/05/2017 18:14

It's bad enough that you now have to declare an accident when you come to renew your policy - fault or not it's still on there as an accident. I'd go through insurance, I don't think you'll get it done properly otherwise - or go to main dealer for a quote and insist it's done there or through insurance

RichardSimmons · 26/05/2017 18:16

Kit30 that's not true, but it's also not relevant because OP had clearly stated that she had reported it to her insurance carrier.

I'm going to be the lone voice of disagreement here. I see no reason not to present the quote to the mother along with the cost of hiring a car during the repair, and give her the option to sort out advance payment to the repair shop (of your choice of course). Yes it would mean slightly more faff for you, but only slightly, and no real financial risk if you handle it correctly. I try to do nice things for people if it's not too much skin off my back. I've been amazed at how many people have been nice to me in random situations and it really gives you a good feeling. (I've encountered my share of arseholes and chancers as well, which is why I suggest advance payment to the repair shop of your choice.)

Seenoevil · 26/05/2017 18:18

I don't see why you can't just take your car to a decent garage and get a quote and tell them it.

Just because a car insurance company uses a certain garage doesn't mean it's any good or better then the one down the road that doesn't do insurance company's cars.

Original poster
Ginmakesitallok · 26/05/2017 18:59

I have taken my car to a reputable garage and passed the quote on. They want me to go to a different garage.

OP posts:
chickenowner · 26/05/2017 19:01

Another vote here for going through your insurance.

sonjadog · 26/05/2017 19:04

Go through the insurance. Really, just do it. You will regret not doing it if you don´t.

Original poster
Ginmakesitallok · 26/05/2017 19:16

If I go through my insurance he'll be uninsurable next year (according to body shop bloke). I think I might text back "sorry, I've thought about it and I don't have time to be running about for quotes. I want my car fixed at x garage. Please confirm how you would like to pay. If you do not agree with this then I will have no option but to go via my insurance "

Or I'll get up early tomorrow traipse to garage (16 miles from home) and get talked into using them.... I am such a wuss

OP posts:
seven201 · 26/05/2017 19:19

I was going to say be kind and do it without insurance but... the mum implying it was partly your fault and then being fussy about quotes. Stop wasting your time getting quotes. They either go with the garage you found or it has to be through insurance.

monkeywithacowface · 26/05/2017 19:24

You're under no obligation to get a second quote. Tell her it's first quote or insurance company.

Original poster
Ginmakesitallok · 26/05/2017 19:41

I've texted his mum pretty much the text I suggested above. Let's see how she responds

OP posts:
sonjadog · 26/05/2017 19:42

I think that is a good text. If they don't agree, then go to the insurance. His insurance is really not your problem. Why should there be different rules for him than other drivers? When you crash, it effects your insurance. That's how it works.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 26/05/2017 19:44

Honestly, go through your insurance.
22nd of April i was in a crash, new driver, 3 days post test pass, first time out driving having just got insured.
At a T junction, the lights are staggered, she approached from the direction where lights go green first, BUT has a second set of lights with the turning light, which had gone OFF when our light to go turned green. She says she mistook the green to continue ahead light to mean she had right of way to turn, and turned right across oncoming traffic, right in front of us.
5k of damage to our car which has been written off as it wasn't "worth" the 5k repair bill. I'm disabled and completely housebound without the car, (due to both physical and metal illnesses can't use public transport) when her insurance pay out we will lose the courtesy car, but the pay out will be several thousand short of getting a new car, which we can't afford to add to, unable to get loan etc. So i'm looking at being housebound indefinitely, and will be reliant on the personal injury claims being successful (which could take another 9 months) and paying out enough to add to the insurance for the car to get even a several year old used car to get any freedom to leave the house again.

I had to be taken by ambulance to hospital, and both my dad and sister also ended up with whiplash and other injuries, with theirs not becoming apparent til several days later. Give it at least a few days and make sure you haven't had any physical injury, as you'd need to go through your insurance if you have legal protection, or theirs with a solicitor for personal injury claim.

Please don't let a sob story about him being a new driver with high insurance excess etc put you off making sure YOU get your car suitably repaired.

He's only had it a few weeks and already caused an accident, either he wasn't properly taught, OR (more likely imo) he's not paying due attention and following the rules of the road as he's not got someone watching him and judging him and his driving anymore and has already been given his license so may think he knows everything.

It may be he needs this kick up the backside that he needs to be responsible when driving, or there may well be another silly preventable accident he's responsible for, and that other driver/passengers may come off worse than a bit of cosmetic car damage.

Matchstickbox · 26/05/2017 19:48

It's tough op. He messed up, he caused an accident, he needs to learn about how hard being an adult is.
Go through your insurance. Please.

Madwoman5 · 26/05/2017 19:48

Last time I agreed to not go through insurance when some twonk rammed my car and said to send the bill, he changed his mind, his address and his story. Ended up with a 50/50 on my record. Only witnesses were my ds and his dw neither counted. Now have cameras fitted.

Original poster
Ginmakesitallok · 26/05/2017 19:55

Almostajillsandwich - so sorry to hear what happened to you, must be terrifying. I'm not hurt at all - very low speed impact. No reply as yet

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 26/05/2017 19:57

We actually had the passenger side mirror taken off by a stupid driver a few weeks prior to the crash. Dad had parked outside our house, paused to read the texts he got whilst he was driving so had ignored, when a flat bed truck came down a play street (so shouldn't have been on it) and tuck it off. Guy tried to leave without giving any details as he "had to pick his grandson up from school". If dad hadn't been in the car he'd have just driven off. He eventually did leave, still without giving name, address or insurance details, but turns out he lived on the next street and as good friends with our next door neighbour who gave my dad his name and address and phone number. he agreed to pay without going via insurance (it was a works vehicle and he was running personal errand and on a street he was legally not allowed ot use til after sunset)
Garage quote to fix was £290.
Guy was shocked, and asked if he couldn't just get the foreign guy on the highstreet to fix it for about £30 on the cheap. He didn't seem to grasp he had completely broken all the electricals in the mirror that controls positioning and the anti fog heating element and wanted this guy to just put in a new piece of mirrored glass.

Was a ball ache getting the money upfront as we didn't have the money to get it sorted then him pay us back.

As for crash girl, her insurance has accepted she's fully liable and she will lose her license having caused a collision within a certain time frame of getting it and will have to re take her test. Not sure if that would apply to the kid in your case, as not sure what severity the collision has to be, in our case both cars were written off. I hate to think what her insurancce quotes will be if she re passes, if anyone will even insure her. Her dad was horrible to her too, he showed up after the crash screming at her ruining his saturday night as he was out at the pub and had to come and gt her. She was in hysterics and he didnt even ask how she was.

Cakedoesntjudge · 26/05/2017 19:58

Another one saying go through the insurance! I learnt my lesson from the other point of view!

A few years back I crashed into a colleague's car in the car park. It was a million per cent my fault. She needed a new bumper. I was fairly young and panicking about the insurance, called my dad who said to tell her he'd pay it straight out as it was only a bumper. He told them to get a quote from wherever they wanted the work doing and told me he'd loan me the money.

They got a quote, we paid, job done so I thought. But then a week later she came back and said it was another £150. We paid that too. Then a couple of weeks later she said it was another £150. At this point my dad told me to tell her there's no way a bumper would have cost £450 for the car she had and he wasn't paying anymore. Two days later she turned up with a brand new - much fancier - car and was telling everyone at work that they had no intention of fixing the old one as it was old anyway so just wanted to see how much money they could get out of us towards the new one Hmm

Not only was it immensely stressful but it completely ruined our friendship funnily enough!!! I wished I'd just taken the hit on my insurance!!!

turtletum · 26/05/2017 19:59

Not quite the same but had a guy bump into my car, asked not to go through insurance. I went to my trusted local dealership garage, got a quote and asked if guy would pay. He agreed, paid over the phone to the garage then I took my car in to get the repairs. However, guy was super apologetic, took all responsibility and communicated readily over phone. A few years previously, similar bump, we went via insurance. Driver was miffed but they didn't admit fault and didn't think our car was damaged enough to need to be fixed at a garage, despite the bumper hanging off! In your situation, insurance route seems best. I'd be interested to hear the mums response to your sensible text.

Busybusysobusy · 26/05/2017 20:03

I had a similar thing happened to me and the guy said he will pay me the money it cost to repair and not to go through the insurance. Well guess what he stopped picking up my call after I had it repaired and needed to get the money from him. I will always go through the insurance

AlmostAJillSandwich · 26/05/2017 20:17

Just wanted to clarify. "the foreign guy on the high street" was a direct quote from the guy who took the mirror off, and not a personal opinion/slur/insult. The guy he knew and wanted to fix it wasn't a mechanic.
I just read back my post and thought it sounded like i was possibly being racist/rude and wanted to clarify that wasn't my words or my intention.

BillyButtfuck · 26/05/2017 20:23

Why is his mum babying him anyway? If he's old enough and responsible enough to own and drive a car, he should be responsible enough to deal with any call out from driving it. Pathetic!

ScarlettFreestone · 26/05/2017 20:24

They are already messing you about and being difficult.

I'd go through insurance.

acquiescence · 26/05/2017 20:25

Why not request they pay for courtesy car if this is the issue? And if they don't pay then go through insurance. Be kind.