To want more financial help from hubby

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

He clears over 2k a month, I get £500.

He pays all the bills. I buy food and put petrol in my car, pay for any clothes,shoes,hairdressing for me and dd.

I've had some extra expenses lately - laptop repair and 3 new tyres on my car. Which I paid for and he never offerred to help, although I didn't ask.

My £10 cheap replacement laptop lead I got off ebay is crap and keeps refusing to plug in. I have to hold it in with one hand most of the time. Just sat here crying that I can't afford £80 to get a proepr one from pcworld and hubby snaps "well don't get one then"!!!

he knows that garage has said I need £300 spending on new shock absorbers on the car and he knows I can't afford it. Again I haven't asked him to pay.

I feel guilty asking him because he did buy me my laptop and he has paid for my air fare to Uganda (I go next week, but its training not a holiday). It was my decision to leave work and retrain so I feel its my fault I have no money. But also feel pissed that the bills are only £750 a month so he has over 1k a month left in his bank.

and if he really wont give over any extra money. I would insist he put an amount into an account for the children - monthly.

then if anything does happen at least there may be some help towards uni, car, lessons etc.

No - I think all money coming into the family should be joint. No matter who earns what, or works what hours. Unless one person is a compulsive spender (by which I mean runs up massive debts given the chance, not can't resist special offers on loo rolls at Tesco!). I don't work outside the home, so don't contribute any money (apart from some Ebay money, but it's stuff bought with DH's salary in the first place), but all our money goes into the joint account, and I wouldn't think twice about buying anything I needed. I think we're lucky though, we've been together since we were 17, so we've had no money, lots of money, and then not so much, but always shared whatever we've had.

Your husband needs to know about the shock absorbers issue. You cannot keep driving yourself and your daughter around in a car that might not be safe. Your husband will not care about how many pairs of shoes you may have bought this month, his priority will be to keep you and DD safe. If he is resentful about paying for the repair then he's a total wanker but I'd be AMAZED if he reacted that way.

He knows about teh shock absorbers and has done for weeks. He even commented yesterday about how it will be affecting the car's breaking distance so it probably won't pass its MOT in June.

He knows I don't have the money for it.

his money is your money and vice versa. Sorry to be blunt but what a nob

you are a family. Just say I need £300 for the car please? If he kicks off about you buying a pair of birkies I would actually consider leaving him.

Well, I'm amazed. Sorry but he's being a real arse and I'm not surprised you're fed up. What are you going to do?

As others have said - you're married, therefore his money should be yours.

Dh and I opened a joint account when we married and as I am a SAHM, all money in it is money that he has earned. Neither of us think of it as "his" money though, and I probably spend more of it than he does!

Well one thing I'm doing for sure - when I take dd camping for 2 weeks in the summer by myself 'cos he doesn't want to come I'm going to ask him for petrol money, food money, campsite money and days out money to cover the holiday! No way I'm covering that myself.

He sounds very selfish to me, surely it's both your money. Me and dp share and my dc aren't even his. He goes off to work to support us. I can't believe that. Why can't you have a joint account??

I know another couple a bit like this but worse - she has no money and no bank account. If she wants to do something she has to ask him for his card. She can only spend money on the credit cards which he pays off.... when he feels like it.

It takes all kinds doesn't it!

Hmm I'm in a similar situation with dp but I do know if I were to ask for help I would be given it ...just too proud to be asking! He just doesn't think to check I'm ok and I wouldn't dream of asking. Do think your dh's attitude stinks by the way. Why not leave thread open as suggested lready to start a debate about it

When dp got new better paid job my tax credits stopped so was and still am £80 a month worse off but still paying for same things! Do wish he would offer help tho now and again.

Wow, what a tit.

I'd be pretty if one of my daughters were married to a nob like this.

Sorry, but you're a grown woman having to ask your husband for money for an essential car repair.

I cannot for the life of me understand this 'his money' bolleaux.

We're a married couple and a family, there's our money and that's it.

He's a selfish git, but I think you know that by now. By law, all marital assets are joint - no such thing as 'his money' and 'your money'.

Yeah, my mum is pretty as well.

I couldn't leave this thread open as he would get that I'd been criticsing him and the fallout would be bad.

I think Drunkensailor's advice about talking about it in a more neutral way is good and will try that.

Strange set up - and very odd financial attitude from your husband - almost like employer/employee!

You shouldn’t have to ask
car repairs are essential and should come from family money
it should be in one family pot !
If he is keeping £1000 each month for personal spends and you get £0 then this is financial abuse in my opinion

Zombie thread

Interestingly a family making £2500 a month would clear a lot more in benefits these days. Wild to think that supported three people, twenty years ago.

Gosh - ZOMBIE THREAD!
But I’d love to know how things are now - Is @StripeyKnickersSpottySocks still with DH? Did the new career take off? Did the car fail its MOT?

If you referred to me as. " Hubby ". I would not help either! Husband or name, please!

How did you manage to resurrect a thread nearly 20 YEARS old!!!???

😲 OMG! Genuinely didn't notice - it was just there in the feed - I didn't even look at the date 😱
Apologies - hope things worked out for the OP 🙏