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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To buy teacher "end of year"present?

117 replies

user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 12:12

Here's a question I hope I can find an answer to. As the end of the school year is fast approaching I am feeling reluctant to buy my sons' teacher a present.

I brought her a gift at Christmas and she didn't even so much as say a thank you or a "Happy Christmas"! Now I really feel like blanking the end of year gift. We didn't buy teacher's gifts when I was at school at the end of term, only if they were leaving. Any advice?

OP posts:
OpalTree · 21/05/2017 12:14

She probably thanked your son at the time and appreciated it but forgot by the time she saw you because of being busy/receiving lots of presents.

spanieleyes · 21/05/2017 12:15

A gift is not compulsory, if you don't want to buy one, then don't!

yaela123 · 21/05/2017 12:16

Is the lack of thanks for Xmas present the only reason? Is she a good teacher?

harderandharder2breathe · 21/05/2017 12:16

If you don't want to don't.

I expect she thanked your son at the time, I wouldn't expect a personal thank you to the parents as well,

Hastalapasta · 21/05/2017 12:18

Not compulsory, my DC have had fab teachers this year and both want to buy them chocolates, so will be doing that.

Xmasbaby11 · 21/05/2017 12:18

You don't have to buy a present however I think you're being over dramatic about her not saying thank you. It was probably an oversight.

Xmasbaby11 · 21/05/2017 12:21

I like buying dd's teacher a present. She does a great job with my dd and u want her to know I appreciate it. I will also be writing a card telling her this. I don't know if she liked the presents as I don't know her as a person but I think a card is important. I also bought presents for the TAs.

OdinsLoveChild · 21/05/2017 12:21

If its primary school the teacher would much prefer a nice homemade card or letter from your child instead of copious numbers of 'worlds best teacher' merchandise. DS teacher has a house full of stuff she has no idea who gave what to her.

Original poster
user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 12:23

No it was not an oversight at all, and no she was not busy the class was completely empty at the time and she did not say thank you to my sons either.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 21/05/2017 12:23

Surely they just thank the child?

SayNoToCarrots · 21/05/2017 12:25

Are you saying she just took the gift from him and said nothing??

Ravenblack · 21/05/2017 12:26

Ooooh, I think if you are buying gifts (from your child,) and getting a bit annoyed because the recipient didn't thank you personally, then you have to question why you are so annoyed about them not thanking you. Are you buying a gift for praise and recognition? Your annoyance and reaction here suggests that. As a few people have said, the teacher probably thanked your son when he gave it to her. In addition, she may get loads of things off other people and finds it hard to keep up.

All that said, I have no idea why you would want to keep buying gifts for teacher. For Christmas, for end of term,....... do you buy for her birthday as well? I wonder what the teacher thinks about this? If I was the teacher, it wouldn't sit well with me. Why not just a card??? Confused I would never be buying gifts for people I barely know.

Ravenblack · 21/05/2017 12:28

I echo what @carrots said, did the teacher just grab said gift from your son and not even acknowledge it. I find this hard to believe.

OpalTree · 21/05/2017 12:29

Do you mean you went to the classroom before or after school with your sons to give the present and she took it without thanking you or them?

Floggingmolly · 21/05/2017 12:29

She didn't take a gift from a child without uttering a single word! I don't believe it.

CheeseCrackersAndWine · 21/05/2017 12:35

Gifts aren't compulsory. If you don't want to buy one, don't. I usually do, but I'm not this year as my DD got a new school built which opened recently so for new teacher who will have barely taught her so I don't see the need.

Original poster
user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 12:37

RavenBlack I gave her the presen,t not my sons. I no, I did not buy her a present for either "praise or recognition". What a rather odd thing to suggest. I brought it as a token of appreciation along with the card I gave her. But because she is a "teacher" you seem to think that manners doesn't apply to her. Frankly I thought it was rude. If you do not think so then we obviously livery in different world.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 21/05/2017 12:40

How could the class have been empty?

She would have been busy with something or other even if it was just thinking about the next event. Christmas is crazy in primary schools.

Hopefully you bought nothing expensive, as that can cause its own problems when it becomes a competition between parents and between their children. Many then want to be effusively thanked and may get very narked.

If you don't want to get a gift then don't. I didn't. If you must do something then a thank you card is perfectly sufficient.

TheWitTank · 21/05/2017 12:41

I never buy gifts for teachers at the end of term/Christmas etc. I did contribute towards the leavers gift when my DD left for secondary, but I think gift buying throughout the year is really silly and OTT. I really do appreciate the work teachers do, but a sincere thank you is enough and a card at most. I know a lot of teachers through work and as friends and most of the gifts they receive either end up binned, left at school to go mouldy/die/screwed up in the bottom of a drawer or shared out in the staff room.

SayNoToCarrots · 21/05/2017 12:41

Even if you gave it to her, I find it difficult to comprehend how she could just take it and say nothing. If she did, then she is not only being unreasonable, she is very odd.

Original poster
user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 12:43

To clarify because some of you find in unbelievable to think she did not say thank you: it was the last day of term. The class WAS empty. She DID NOT say thank you. Is that clear with everyone now? 😩

OP posts:
Topseyt · 21/05/2017 12:43

Manners do, of course, apply to her, but along with others, I find it hard to believe she just apparently took the gift and ignored the giver.

Floggingmolly · 21/05/2017 12:45

Did she say anything else?

Xmasbaby11 · 21/05/2017 12:51

OK her reaction does sound rude. Did she say anything at all or just put it to one side?

You really don't need to justify not buying her a present. Plenty of parents around here don't. It's nobody's business.

cardibach · 21/05/2017 12:52

So what exactly happened, OP? Did she take a gift from you and say nothing? Was it obviously a gift? Do you mean she said thanks as you gave it to her but didn't acknowledge the contents later in and. Specific thanks?