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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To buy teacher "end of year"present?

117 replies

user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 12:12

Here's a question I hope I can find an answer to. As the end of the school year is fast approaching I am feeling reluctant to buy my sons' teacher a present.

I brought her a gift at Christmas and she didn't even so much as say a thank you or a "Happy Christmas"! Now I really feel like blanking the end of year gift. We didn't buy teacher's gifts when I was at school at the end of term, only if they were leaving. Any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 12:54

Floggingmolly Yes she did say something "bye". I replied "Merry Christmas see you next term" and that was it

OP posts:
Cleanermaidcook · 21/05/2017 12:56

Did she know you were giving her a gift and not just passing her something random?

ilovesooty · 21/05/2017 12:59

So you've been stewing over this scenario since Christmas? Gifts aren't compulsory. Please yourself.

PurpleMinionMummy · 21/05/2017 13:04

I know a lot of teachers through work and as friends and most of the gifts they receive either end up binned, left at school to go mouldy/die/screwed up in the bottom of a drawer or shared out in the staff room.

How ungrateful Confused

SayNoToCarrots · 21/05/2017 13:14

I always appreciate a gift from my students, and I'd never take a gift from anyone without saying thank you. I wouldn't get her another one if I were you.

TheWitTank · 21/05/2017 13:16

Ungrateful but true sadly! The school cleaner bins so much at the end of term. Literally a bin sack full. In teachers defence, how many cards/cakes etc can you take home or keep? If you have 30 kids and 30 tins of cupcakes on the last day (yes, not quite I know but there was A LOT of cake before Xmas break!) what on earth do you do with it all? I know that mugs tend to be kept!

Xmasbaby11 · 21/05/2017 13:16

She was rude. Probably someone who doesn't appreciate gifts but she should have thanked you anyway. Basic manners.

Is she a good teacher? I wonder if she's disillusioned and not really engaging with parents.

Floggingmolly · 21/05/2017 13:17

Binned?? Why would you chuck a gift you've just been handed by a child in the bin? You sure know some classy people, TheWitTank Hmm

jarhead123 · 21/05/2017 13:19

Sorry it's just weird to think she took it off you, said nothing, you said nothing and you walked away. What a strange situation

Original poster
user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 13:26

jarhead123 please ready previous comment.
ilovesooty. I haven't been stewing over it! I have recalled the incident because we are coming up to the end of year!

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ilovegin112 · 21/05/2017 13:28

Don't giver her anything there is no need just say thank you, it's quite laughable watching parents trying to outdo each other, my ds teacher got a present and card when he left primary school as did the cleaners and dinner ladies

TheWitTank · 21/05/2017 13:30

They obviously wouldn't do it in front of the child -I don't think they are that arseholey! Plus I'm obviously not speaking about all the teachers I know. I just know the amount of stuff that gets binned at the end of term which is either forgotten or not wanted. Don't think this is rare in schools if you speak to the cleaners!

TheWitTank · 21/05/2017 13:31

Edible gifts obviously get binned if left -you can't leave a stack of cupcakes on a desk for 2 -6 weeks

PurpleMinionMummy · 21/05/2017 13:43

Screwing things up or binning them at school where the kids will see is just disgusting behaviour. What a great example your teacher friends set to their students! But obviously they're not that arseholey? Hmm

Topseyt · 21/05/2017 13:44

Of course the gifts aren't binned in front of the children!

Some are taken home and treasured for years. My parents were teachers and we acquired a fair few unique Christmas decorations that had been made for them by children they had taught over the years. Chocolate was appreciated too, but there could be a huge oversupply. Sometimes that could go on tombola prizes if still fully boxed, wrapped in its cellophane and looking as though just bought from the shop.

Cakes and some other things, not always. Some could be shared around staff and children, but there was often just so much of it that there was no option. Remember that you can be speaking of schools with around 300 children in primary (though clearly that does vary).

Don't buy a gift if you don't want to. Not compulsory at all.

Topseyt · 21/05/2017 13:47

Why would the children see stuff that had been binned. It would be done discreetly, not in front of them, and I presume classes don't go through the school bin bags after each day.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 21/05/2017 14:14

I'm doing it this year because dd has an nqt who has taken over the class mid year as maternity cover. She looks about 12 but she's excellent and pushes dd more than her regular teacher which has been really good for dd. She's also very confident and suitably strict - I want her to know how much I appreciate her

LavenderDoll · 21/05/2017 14:34

You gave her a gift and said merry Christmas and she said bye??? ...... ok Confused

Mexxi · 21/05/2017 14:39

As a teacher, I have binned many gifts over the years, and have also dropped many off at a charity shop on the drive home from work. But I always give a thank you card to a child that buys me a gift, and would always thank an adult if they handed me a present.

Mollieben · 21/05/2017 15:30

My children usually make cards - there are some ridiculously competitive parents in our school who turn up on the last day with so much stuff it's embarrassing. I have been particularly impressed with both my DC teachers this year so will probably get them something extra. I wouldn't expect a personal thank you tho - our teachers usually put a sign up saying thank you to everybody

PurpleDaisies · 21/05/2017 15:37

Most stuff I get given goes to the charity shop. I keep cards with nice stuff written in them in a folder but I just don't have space for mugs, keyrings, photo frames etc and I don't want wine/chocolates/cake etc because it makes me fat. I am obviously polite and thank everyone but I'd much rather not have to deal with all the stuff.

Starlight2345 · 21/05/2017 15:44

I will be buying my DS's teacher a gift as she has put up with a lot from my DS. I actually think a large bottle of wine is appropriate in this situation. It is not judged on whether or not she thanked my DS for his Christmas gift.

I find the whole conversation as you recall.

Happy Christmas Miss X
Bye ..

However do whatever you want.

I got my DS to make a thank you card last year and I wrote a personal card from me as she had really made a difference to my DS 's life. Irrelevant of if she said thank you or not. These are my considerations.

TheWitTank · 21/05/2017 16:18

Clearly the kids wouldn't see binned items -its the end of term!

Linds53 · 21/05/2017 16:25

I'd never heard of teachers binning gifts and love bringing the wine/chocolate/mugs/candles home to keep or distribute to family and friends. I even said an effusive thank you for the necklace given "because my mum doesn't like it" (I could see mum's point) and can't imagine any teacher taking a gift from a parent without a word of thanks. But more than anything, I appreciate the handwritten thank you notes, from the child or parents or both. It's the notes that make me cry. But as others have said, do what you want to do.

Original poster
user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 16:29

I find some of the comments here unbelievable! If you give someone a gift if they be doctor, tailor, gingerbread maker it shouldn't be unreasonable to expect a thank you in return . Those of you who have tried to justify the teacher's actions are probably just as rude as she is or worse still you are probably rude teachers too!!! 😝

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