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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To buy teacher "end of year"present?

117 replies

user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 12:12

Here's a question I hope I can find an answer to. As the end of the school year is fast approaching I am feeling reluctant to buy my sons' teacher a present.

I brought her a gift at Christmas and she didn't even so much as say a thank you or a "Happy Christmas"! Now I really feel like blanking the end of year gift. We didn't buy teacher's gifts when I was at school at the end of term, only if they were leaving. Any advice?

OP posts:
Motoko · 21/05/2017 22:19

When did giving teachers a gift become a regular thing? My youngest is 25 and it wasn't done when he was at school.

I remember my class giving a teacher a gift. She'd been on exchange from New Zealand and was such a lovely teacher, we were all in tears when she left to go back home. So we had a collection and bought her a gift, but it was a one off.

DryWhiteagainW · 21/05/2017 22:26

I'm a TA.
I cherish cards and think presents are a kind and an unexpected bonus.
I thank the parents and children when they hand me the gifts and follow up in writing.
I'm sure everyone here agrees it's polite to acknowledge a gift.
But OP you really don't need to buy a present, it's not compulsory.
Your teacher may have been rude in not thanking you, but your aggressive and patronising manner isn't exactly doing you any favours either.

Ravenblack · 21/05/2017 22:28

I agree that the OP seems very angry and annoyed and ranty and irrational. She asked for views, she got them, she didn't get the answers she wanted, she didn't like people saying 'don't BUY the teacher gifts then!' she ranted a bit more, people were a bit Confused and Shock and then she said her and her husband were PMSL at peoples responses.

What a very, very odd thread.

HomeDesire2017 · 21/05/2017 22:31

AIBU isn't the place for you OP, you clearly don't think you are, so why ask? Trying to stir the pot I think!

IcingSausage · 21/05/2017 22:33

The teacher not saying thank you was extremely rude.

You're proper weird.

I'm really enjoying this thread!

Whileweareonthesubject · 21/05/2017 22:44

Also a TA. I consider myself very fortunate when I receive cards and/or gifts. I always give a thank you note first day back after Christmas, but just say a verbal thank you in the summer as most of my gifts then are from Y6 who are leaving for secondary school. Even if I don't like the gift itself, I do appreciate the thought. Yes, it does sound as though the teacher was rude - but your attitude on this thread is not good either. You asked for opinions and were then very unpleasant when the responses were not what you clearly hoped for. If you are so sure tabby, why post?

Whileweareonthesubject · 21/05/2017 22:45

*Yanbu not tabby! Auto correct strikes again.

5OBalesofHay · 21/05/2017 22:50

Why on earth would you buy a teacher a present? Surely we all do our jobs and get paid

Original poster
user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 22:55

I better not send in that Apple for my sons' teacher tomorrow!! 😀😂😂

OP posts:
Ravenblack · 21/05/2017 23:28

@user1488540182

I better not send in that Apple for my sons' teacher tomorrow! 😀 😂😂

Probably for the best. You will probably blow a gasket if she doesn't get him a thank-you card for it.

AIBU To buy teacher "end of year"present?
LouHotel · 21/05/2017 23:33

My mum was a master at teachers gifts; They got end of year/christmas and if we went on holiday abroad she would get them a present and the TA's.

Though it could have been bribery for my brother being out of control and stopped from being excluded (diagnosed with severe dyslexia in year 5).

I always got thanked and a note to take home to my mum.

C0untDucku1a · 21/05/2017 23:41

Op im clearly thick because you are now saying all this rage is not becuse you expect a thank you for your thank you gift?

I expcet your husband is laughing along with you because youre so focused on arguing with random people you dont know from the internet, and as a result youre not annoying him! Poor bloke! I bet he is laughing now as you read that out to him! Wondering how I know his pain!

But seriously op, someone offended you 5 months ago for not being grateful enough for a thank you gift. Get over it. Youre coming across as very needy here.

jajabonks · 22/05/2017 00:09

Have I missed what the gift was? (Just curious)
I really think you need to let this go. Just don't get a gift. Simple
I'm pretty sure the teacher has had enough and wanted to go home and enjoy Christmas and had stuff to sort out.
Yes she should have said thanks but really I think you're letting this bother you wayyyyy too much

kittymamma · 22/05/2017 00:13

What the actual fuck? I have read every one of your posts on this thread OP, and you really need to get over yourself.

Buy the gift, don't buy the gift. What does it matter? The teacher won't notice or care. Yeah, she didn't say "thank you" what a terrible human being she must be. A lapse in manners? Or perhaps a character flaw? At the end of the day, if you wanted to buy her a gift (for whatever reason people do this) then her earlier reaction would be irrelevant.

FWIW, I am a teacher, however I am secondary and don't get this whole "giving teacher a gift" business. I also have a child of primary age and am not entertaining this ridiculous out-gifting game. It's stupid. Perhaps if I felt that a particular teacher had gone out of their way for my child in a way that is above and beyond their duties of a teacher, I would consider it. In which case, the gift would be a thank you from us and I would not expect a thank you for a thank you gift, that would just be silly (As a previous poster pointed out).

Actually OP, you have portrayed yourself worse than you have the teacher with your rude, passive aggressive, then outright unpleasant comments. Perhaps the teacher has seen this side of you and actually just wanted you to get the fuck out of her classroom so she could get away from you? Perhaps she simply doesn't like you and was doing her very best to be professional. I think she did rather well.

Don't get her the gift, really don't. It would be better all around.

pieceofpurplesky · 22/05/2017 00:41

You still have not answered any of the questions people have asked.

  1. Why were you in her classroom at the end of the day?
  2. Was that really the exchange? Honestly? Three words spoken?
  3. Can you explain exactly what happened - did you knock/walk in/was she alone etc.

But anyway I am one of those dreadful teachers according to you. Incidentally I have every card ever received in a box in my wardrobe. I often look at them and remember the lovely children I have been lucky enough to teach.

WiltingTulip · 22/05/2017 01:11

Bloody hell, don't buy her a present. That's it. Literally nobody but you cares, not even the teacher in question.
😂

TheWitTank · 22/05/2017 03:51

must say to all you teachers who have posted here you have had me and my other half roaring with laughter here!!! We have the popcorn out with anticipation!! 😂

Must be a laugh a minute in your house ConfusedHmm. Is there nowt on Netflix then?

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