Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

AIBU To buy teacher "end of year"present?

117 replies

user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 12:12

Here's a question I hope I can find an answer to. As the end of the school year is fast approaching I am feeling reluctant to buy my sons' teacher a present.

I brought her a gift at Christmas and she didn't even so much as say a thank you or a "Happy Christmas"! Now I really feel like blanking the end of year gift. We didn't buy teacher's gifts when I was at school at the end of term, only if they were leaving. Any advice?

OP posts:

Mumzypopz · 21/05/2017 16:38

I've never bought a teacher a present in my life, and not going to start now. I wouldn't bother if I were you, especially if she was rude.

TheWitTank · 21/05/2017 16:39

Can I just clarify -I wasn't saying (or have said anywhere) the teacher in question was right not saying thank you -of course not! That is terribly rude! Even if a gift isn't to your liking or you can't use it you say a gracious thanks and dispose of later. I was just saying to the OP that you don't need to buy gifts as they are not expected or often used.

Alfieisnoisy · 21/05/2017 16:46

I buy for my son's teachers because they are brilliant with him, however usually I buy something small and accompany it with a letter saying thank you and why. For virtually every teacher this has been because they have taken time to get to know and understand my son who is autistic. That was in mainstream and I would usually send a letter to the HT as well giving thanks. His primary school was fantastic though and very supportive....they all deserved the thanks.

I've never had a teacher who has not acknowledged this but I even if I had it would not have been an issue. Th fact they focused so much on my DS was very appreciated, by me.

OP don't bother buying a present...some schools have parents who do this and it becomes a ""thing" people do but it isn't essential.

If you feel the school have been helpful to your child then a letter to the HT and teacher is usually very much appreciated at a time when school staff are under so much pressure.

HomeDesire2017 · 21/05/2017 17:10

Please don't get the teacher a gift! DP is a teacher and we both despise it! I know it sounds ungrateful, but every Christmas and end of year we end up with 30x tat, there's only so much chocolate, wine, 'worlds greatest teacher' one can have! Honestly you'll be doing them a favour by not getting a thing! Just a genuine thank you will be much more appreciated!

Original poster

user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 18:11

Home Desire 2017 oh I see... The presents
are not to your satisfaction...."tat" as you call it..... interesting.... well I do hope this stupid new fad in giving teachers gifts dies out and the pressure some of the class representatives put on other parents to buy or contribute for an end of year gift.
Because if it's not spa vouchers or Waitrose hampers the gifts showered upon some teachers will not be appreciated!!! I'm the stupid one really, i have learnt.we as parents do not really have to say "thanks" at all only in exceptional circumstances.

Actually I have said thanks to this teacher before the gift incident and after, numerous times. Infact she barely cracks a smile in my direction and I have no time or desire to psychoanalyse the reasons why she's a rude individual! and that's that✌

OP posts:

HomeDesire2017 · 21/05/2017 18:56

Woah you need to get that chip off your shoulder! If your read my post properly I said you'll be doing a favour by not getting anything and a thank you is enough! Who the fuck mentioned spa vouchers or Waitrose?

No we don't want 30 boxes of chocolate and no one should be offended because of that! If you can't handle the pressure of class representatives that's your damn problem. Grow a pair and say no!

Literally all the majority of teachers want is for parents to trust them, not just down their throat or go into school all guns blazing at every miniscule opportunity they get. Understand that their job is difficult and that their trying their damn hardest for every child!

HomeDesire2017 · 21/05/2017 19:02

*jump not just!

Original poster

user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 19:14

homedesire... suprize suprise you are a teacher... "guns blazing at every opportunity"... you seem to be doing a very good (or poor) job of that yourself. I have not approached my children's teacher in any way that was antagonist. I gave her a gift, get it? what are you on about "down their throat" and "all guns blazing"? You are projecting dear. calm the hell down!!! 😃
If you are finding your job difficult maybe it's time for a career change. because frankly I find your attitude stinks!

OP posts:

TheWitTank · 21/05/2017 19:33

There is nothing wrong at all with admitting here you don't want endless boxes of chocolates, cakes, plants or clinton cards "best teacher" keyrings x 10 -I wouldn't either. That doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate the gesture.

pieceofpurplesky · 21/05/2017 19:36

With parents like the OP I am so glad I teach secondary - where every gift (although not as many) is handed over by the child and not the parent!

Original poster

user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 19:38

a sign of appreciation is to say thank you... my whole point in this.. how many times have any of you received a gift at Christmas like an itchy jumper but still smiled and said thanks. And it's not building good relations with your pupils' parent to be rude is it?

OP posts:

PurpleMinionMummy · 21/05/2017 19:45

There isn't titwank. And I understand the teacher might have 29 boxes of chocs or whatever and mine was just one too many. But I'd like to think they at least pass them along to someone who can enjoy them or benefit from whatever gift it was. Whether that's a friend, relative, the staff room, a charity shop or even the cleaner who will be emptying them out the bin later on! Such a waste to just bin stuff if someone else could enjoy/use it.

Original poster

user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 19:46

Why, piece of purple sky? Because it was so outrageous for me to expect a thank you? teachers are far too busy after all, over stretched and under pressure to use basic manners. oh yes I must remember this for future reference and return the same attitude. AND not forget to "just say thank you" for doing your job and teaching my children..... Some people are going into the profession with the wrong damn attitude!

OP posts:

pieceofpurplesky · 21/05/2017 19:51

OP I always say thank you to the pupils. I am just lucky to not have to deal with orients like you who clearly think all teachers are the same. Like many other posters I cannot believe the conversation went

OP Merry Christmas (hands gift)
Teacher Bye

Unless the teacher was doing something completely different and you were not supposed to be there - did you catch her off guard?
Of course she should have said thank you but your attitude towards all the teachers is perhaps indicative of why she was perhaps uncomfortable with you in her room.
Purple now waits for OP to turn on her teaching skills.

TheRealPooTroll · 21/05/2017 19:51

I assume my kids teachers say thank you to them when they give them the gift?
I always get the kids teachers a gift but one of my dc had a particularly awful one one year so I got her biscuits. My dc still got the enjoyment of wrapping a present and giving it but teacher had to put them in the pile with the other 20 boxes of biscuits. It felt like a small victory.
Nice teachers get Kindle vouchers or similar.

pieceofpurplesky · 21/05/2017 19:52

Parents not orients

Mummmy2017 · 21/05/2017 20:13

For xmas I buy the 99p xmas mugs, and fill it with bars choc from our normal packs and hand it over 1st school day in DEC, the teachers and helpers at primary school all love it, gave HM a mug of tiny marshmelliows and instant hot choc, he walked around during break eatting them and loved it.. as he never gets much...
The teachers all love having new mugs and it costs less than £2 to do.

We gave a thankyou for being my teacher gift in Reception , as the teacher were so fab, one male , one female, I got them a voucher to have their nails done,,, seems they new the shop owner and had a great time, said it was best gift as loads of other teacher joined them and made a night of it... cost me less than £8 for 2...

it just shows it doesn't have to be a showy gift to be well recieved, but I do think you need to only give if you value the input the teacher has made to your childs happiness at school.

Catra · 21/05/2017 20:13

HomeDesire2017 I am totally with you on this one. My DH is a teacher too and he'd much rather parents didn't buy him anything - if a parent wants to show their gratitude and is insisting on a gesture, he'd much rather a card or letter expressing thanks. Inevitably a lot the presents / tat get binned or taken to the charity shop - if we'd kept every "world's best teacher" mug he'd ever been given, we'd have well over 200 by now and strangely enough, on a teacher's salary we don't have a big enough house for that.

OP, you need to get over yourself.

SayNoToCarrots · 21/05/2017 20:17

OP, why are you so angry? You brought up the idea of a gift, not the teachers.

Teachers are informing you that a thank you is good enough. Somehow you have taken this as teachers demanding thanks for doing their jobs!

It's lovely if you do want to give a gift, but if you don't, don't.

Original poster

user1488540182 · 21/05/2017 20:17

piece of purple.... its seems to me you prefer the comfortable state of denial to the fact that a teacher was outright rude. because you are convinced that no, a teacher could not ever possibly put a foot wrong, it had to have been me because i have an problem with teachers. Well my dear, that's plain bias right there. You have no integrity. you side with the teacher even with the facts spelt out. There are some wonderful teachers out there because they are wonderful human beings.I'm not saying she is a "bad" teacher she is a rude person. A lot of people nowadays are not happy in their jobs, they are overworked underpaid and stressed they get bitter and resentful.
at the beginning of this thread a poised a question. But this mean sprited teacher will not put me off showing my gratitude to other teachers in the future.

OP posts:

tillytown · 21/05/2017 20:19

Just putting this out there, I have a friend who is a TA, she throws any presents she gets away.

PurpleDaisies · 21/05/2017 20:20

at the beginning of this thread a poised a question. But this mean sprited teacher will not put me off showing my gratitude to other teachers in the future.

And you're not listening to any of the teachers who are saying the best way to show your gratitude is to just say thanks rather than get them another box of chocolates/mug etc that they just don't want.

chickenowner · 21/05/2017 20:20

Oh FFS

If you don't want to buy her a present, then don't.

No need to get so uptight about it.

PurpleDaisies · 21/05/2017 20:21

tilly loads of people on the thread have said they do the same/give them to charity.

SuffolkNWhat · 21/05/2017 20:22

This thread is... bizarre!

If you don't want to give a gift then just don't. I'm not sure why it's such a big deal and why you have escalated hostilities so quickly.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5