To ask MIL to stop buying "daddy's little...." clothes for my son

[lavei]

She buys him new outfits every week and they all say 'I love my daddy' and 'daddy's little hero', 'gorgeous just like my dad' etc.
Erm, excuse me, what about me?!

could always have a t shirt made says
"grandma IS NOT THE MOMMY"

sorry precocious DD again
asked at about 10 yrs
why does auntieXXX
act like she runs the show when she is here.
i told her the clue was ACTS LIKE.

also should note that 3 years after "mixed doubles"were born had set of girl mirror twins
THEY are even more adverse to matching things.

sil tried to make left handed twin write with her other hand
i lost it on that one
the hysteria was a sight to behold
"but they are twins"
all 4 are in uni and ready to face the world strong confident and
with pretty good fashion sense
none wear slogans or even logos
"if they want me to advertise than give me the shirt for free"

My mil is obsessed with telling me how much my dd's look nothing like me. She goes on and on about how much they look like her side of the family on pretty much every get together. Despite the fact that my elder dd looks at photos of me when I was little and thinks it's her. She is my double, and the baby is just like dd1 when she was little. It has become ridiculous now because they are so obviously like me. I think mil just feels like she needs to almost lay claim to them. It's madness, because she's a lovely grandma and, even if dh and I split, I'd never stop them from seeing her. It annoyed me at first but makes me laugh now because it's so silly.

Meh! once you get to weaning age you're glad of spares even if they're ugly/have tacky slogens - they'll just get mashed banana stains and end up in the dylon machine dye pile to become dark purple anyway…..

I got loads of slogened/branded babygros and just used them under PJs/at night/for weaning etc - don't like baby clothes with words on.

I wouldn't have an issue with the "Daddy's" bit though, I mean that bit is logical! if she's into that sort of tacky clothing she prob assumes theres and equal amount of "mummy's…." clothing coming from your side!

I think this MIL needs redirecting...

Do you like knitted clothing, or sewn stuff.
If not get some catalogs of clothing you do like and show her, she wants buy for the baby, so let her but in the style you like, you can point out things and ask if she likes it, I really do think she is just so over excited by being a grandparent at last she just can't help it, and has so much love to share.

You have had a word about him being your child, now make your partner dress in the matching clothing to the child, so he deals with it... you can have fun with him and turn something that upsets you into something that makes you laugh with hapiness. Don't forget the pics, for the album.

I'd find them tacky but wouldn't mind my baby wearing them every so often. As long as it doesn't have the word princess in it.

It'll be a non issue in a few months anyway the slogans change when they're toddlers…

then you'll have "little monster" for boys and "little princess" for girls. YAY.

I would thank her, then return for something you'd rather have. Next time you speak to her, say that you don't want to be presumptious that she'll be buying DS anything else, and obviously she doesn't have to etc, but if she did, could she get things without transfers/writing/pictures on (unless it's sewn on) as you can't give those a hot wash/put in tumble dryer and she must remember how completely filthy babies get - it's so much harder to keep clothes with transfers on clean and looking nice, and its such a shame that grandma is buying him such lovely clothes but then they look a bit mucky quickly...

That way you aren't complaining about the actual message on them, just asking for plain clothing with no messages. Patterned fabric is fine MIL if you want to give a little more colour etc, and you know MIL, he's really got DH's colouring so XXX colour looks lovely on him, he really takes after your side!

Nice, friendly, solve a problem without making it be about hating her choices - just a laundery issue...

(This is the technique I used to stop the "Grandad's little hero!" ones)

To be honest, while I understand your issue about picking battles, and your feelings that she is a sweet lady who has had her own problems, I actually think you should draw the battle lines NOW.

The clothes aren't the issue - they are a symptom of the issue, and the issue is that she is undermining your position as mother of the baby. So fight back - not overtly, maybe, but just bloody buy the "mummy's little fella" type shirts AS WELL. And make sure that you put them on him whenever you see her. Stand your ground here, because if you let her push you on this one, she will keep pushing and pushing, seeing how much ground she can take from you.

Yes, it seems petty - but you've set your line and then you can see what she does next.

I don't really get grandparents who want to parent the child as their own.

Surely one of the great things about being the grandparent is that this time you can usually give them back?

Disclaimer, I am not yet a grandparent, but if I ever become one I still can't see myself thinking radically differently from that, although I do hope to be as good a support as I can be to my DDs, just as my parents and PILs we're to us.

I am often a bit cringey about clothing with slogans on, but I don't see it as anything I would bother getting into any arguments about. Use it as emergency spares, use it to clean the car etc.

it's harder for grandparents because they feel like parents who aren't allowed to parent Oh that's a variation. My MIL told me that it was harder for her as a GP than it was for my parents as (both sets of GP lived 2 hours away in opposite directions) she was reminded every time she saw her local GC than she couldn't see my DC, and my parents didn't have that reminder (no other GC) so it was easier for them to forget. IL''s visited DS2 at six days old, the next time he was 2 years old, my parents visited every month or so. Also the panic that we should be married to "protect" OH, after over a decade together.
OP it can be really tricky, everything is petty, nothing seems major, but it all adds up. Sounds like you might be in luck, FIL sounds helpful, unlike mine. I hope things don't progress. But do stand up for yourself and your DC, looking back and realising your parents let your GP's bully you is not nice. I clearly remember my GM's final insult before she was cut off until she behaved. No wonder my sister is so fucked up.

To be fair to her, I can't even imagine what it would feel like to have my own little toddler son being a "daddy" himself one day. It must feel very special for your own child to become "mummy" or "daddy", don't read into it, she just sees the little clothes while she's out shopping and her heart probably melts. Not her fault you don't share the same taste in clothes. I'm not keen on slogan clothes either but it sounds like her intentions are pure!

turn them inside out!!!

We have lots of these gifts and they've so joined the pile of 'grandma presents going to the charity shop as new'. Every so often I say I don't like clotges with words on, but it doesn't sink in...

It's actually really difficult to find 'mummy' clothes for little boys!

I'd be tempted to get a t-shirt printed up for him to wear to Gran's that said "I am my own person".

You can get them online though.

micromanaging manipulators

one in the fam is so hateful about being half 1st nations of ontario she bleaches her skin and hair wears contacts and had a nose job
tried to pass this mentalitiy to dd1 and2 and 3
who have 3 1st naions gp and one crazy scot
as they matured they were very honest with me about it to the point of asking not to go to her house anymore

my babies have dark dusky skin and raven hair
they are very proud of thier heritage (s)
our house still echos of bagpipes and indian drums!!!

their cousin is just as beautiful
she has a half sis whos mom is scandia
so halfsis has blue blue eyes
when nieces mom saw her she held her by the chin turning her this way and that saying why cant xxx have blue eyes.
made niece feel like crap and made a fool of herself
no biology class for her!

children are very resilient but also fragile
keep an eye on gma as baby boy grows, encourage him to be comfortable telling you anything
yes even if it makes you unhappy or cringe
after a visit with gma casually ask
so what did you and gma talk about
you will be amazed at how perceptive and intuitive they can be.
my babies asked me why auntie hated herself so much when they were about12 or so
when i asked HUH

the answer was "well she doesnt want to be who she is???

until ds is old enough just give the slogans away dye them use for cleaning rags or start that teddy wardrobe
best wishes with ds.

then of course theres always the backlash mentality

oops 2nd one didnt copy

thanx theres a 17 yr old teddy here who is wearing ds onesey from hospital /makes me tear up to see him.

this is one online place you can make up your own logo'd t-shirts - there are more of them, if you look.

When I first moved to Australia there was a covered market place down the road from us, and one stall did lots of personalised embroidery. Didn't cost much to get a t-shirt made to say what I wanted! Don't know if you can find a local one of those, maybe?

My mil didnt buy this sort of thing thank goodness bit there was a lot of stuff we just didnt like. I just smiled and said thank you and stuck it in the charity pile.
If you need the clothes then you could try saying they don't fit and ask her to change them and hope she cant get the same design!!