To ask MIL to stop buying "daddy's little...." clothes for my son

[lavei]

She buys him new outfits every week and they all say 'I love my daddy' and 'daddy's little hero', 'gorgeous just like my dad' etc.
Erm, excuse me, what about me?!

Love the 'babygro' with 'my mum doesn't want your advice' on it LOL.

I think the lady may be a bit panicky that the OP is going to run off and refuse all access. Must be a bit more difficult for the parents of the father of a baby, as statistically, the maternal grandparents are closer to a baby.

I hate these slogan t-shirts too though.

Agree with the others..totally cringe at Mummy and daddy clothes. MILs don't quite get it do they.. mine referred to me as 'dinner' all the time at the beginning, drove me crazy - she's not a nasty woman So don't think she realises. DH had to have a word in the end.

I always want to translate those awful slogans to what they really mean: my mummy/grandma are so insecure they need to remind daddy in writing on my chest not to eat me.

it's harder for grandparents because they feel like parents who aren't allowed to parent

Grandparents have already done their parenting. It's the parents' turn now.

I would buy something saying I love my granny, or something similar. Then put it on next time you visit with your baby. Would probably make her day.
And she obviously likes to buy for your DC, so you could make remarks like how much you love your DC in traditional clothing.

I'm not generally a fan but we have been bought the 'I love mummy' 'mummy's my favourite' 'daddy's princess' stuff which I put on her once to show the gift giver then they go into the 'doesn't fit anymore' pile.

We did buy one which says 'daddy's little jungalist' as one of DDs favourite activities is dancing with her dad to jungle music or she will bounce in time to the music in her bouncer shrieking with excitement.

I really dislike slogans like that.

YANBU.

Donate them? Shrink them in the wash?

Now you have lots of outfits suitable for messy play! What's the harm? Or if he's tiny, lots of sleepsuits for the emergency last change of the day when you haven't done washing (please tell me that's not just me?...)

@FreeSpiritJen that's exactly right. No idea why mind or where she thinks I'd go! Love my DP and our little family. Have no flighty tendencies and often talk about our future together lol

My Mil got my then 8yo a glittery top with, if 'Mum says no I ask Dad'
I was literally speechless.
I think she'd seen it and thought it funny, and not thought through the ramifications of DD wearing it.
I let her wear it when we visited some friends including an ed psych, older generation primary teacher and behavioural psychologist with mil
They both spent the day being analysed- DD hasn't worn a slogan since and mil became much more thoughtful.

Sounds like a bigger issue of her vying with you for 'ownership' of your DS. He is your son, though. Whatever she does, however many silly things she buys him, that will never change.

I don't like it when grandparents refer to grandchildren as if they were their children.

@dawn, now I would have seen the funny side of 'if mum says no I asked dad,' especially as that's what happened in our house/family.

Each to their own though.

Having said that, as I said, I am not a huge fan of many slogan t-shirts, especially 'mummy's little soldier' or 'daddy's little princess!'

The MIL calling her daughter in law 'DINNER' made me cringe though! (From @newtothis - top of page 2 here.) WTAF?!

I mean 'if mum says no I ASK dad.' ^

Dawnedlightly That's either pure evil or pure genius - any chance you can rent these friends out?

Say thank you, smile and use them for really messy things, especially D&V bugs.

Messy play will sort that problem out. DS's clothes were never the same again!

I'm not a huge fan of that sort of thing either and DH hates it (he hates all slogans on clothing) but I'd keep your powder dry on this one, to be honest, and save it for the big ones.

Does sound like you have bigger MIL issues than the hideous clothes.

Ribena, tomato soup,ketchup and beetroot juice are your friends. you could send her a picture saying oh look what Daddy's little messy eater did to his new t shirt.......

it's harder for grandparents because they feel like parents who aren't allowed to parent

Most grandparents I know love being grandparents precisely because they don't have to parent. They get all the fun stuff without having to do the hard work if they don't want to (and why should they? They've done their bit!). Most of them also usually take the hint about bad clothing choices when their presents find their way to the back of the wardrobe only to be discovered when they're too small!

She's told me loads of times she thinks of him as 'hers' and that she misses him when he goes home and that it's harder for grandparents because they feel like parents who aren't allowed to parent

You should tell her that she's had her chance to parent her own dc and this is your chance to parent yours. Did her parents act with her dc like she'd doing with yours? She sounds like a possessive nightmare.

Can you have a talk with her and say you feel the air needs clearing?

it's harder for grandparents because they feel like parents who aren't allowed to parent

That's a straight bid for pity and a tacit request that you should feel bad and be nice by 'allowing' her to get on with parenting as she wants to.

No, they aren't parents. You're not being mean by existing and therefore 'not allowing them' to parent, they've done their parenting. As usual its an issue with boundaries. Very strong boundaries needed with people with poor boundaries of their own.

I don't like it when grandparents refer to grandchildren as if they were their children.

Too right! That is a massive boundary crossed right there.

I think I'd be as (if not more) concerned over comments like this than the slogany tshirts. It's emotional blackmail. I'd absolutely not put the tshirts on DS and wouldn't take a photo of him wearing them before donating (or consigning to pajama tops).

I can't imagine undermining my DD or SIL by trying to be another parent to my DGC. I love them as much as I love DD but I am NOT their parent and it's unfair, confusing for the children as well as rather scary, to be trying to be a third parent.

As usual its an issue with boundaries. Very strong boundaries needed with people with poor boundaries of their own.

I agree. If MIL displayed respectful boundaries in general you would have shrugged about the T shirts and packed them away at the bottom of DS's drawer.