To ask MIL to stop buying "daddy's little...." clothes for my son

[lavei]

She buys him new outfits every week and they all say 'I love my daddy' and 'daddy's little hero', 'gorgeous just like my dad' etc.
Erm, excuse me, what about me?!

I wouldn't worry about it. It's naff but not worth feeling irritated about.

This is the type of crap that when your kids are older you can't believe crossed your mind let alone bothered you.

I still remember when my lovely MIL told me DS1 looked like her Brother (DS1's great Uncle) even though DS1 was still only a tiny baby. I remember thinking 'hmmph, what about my family'. 😡😡😡 I'm a bit embarrassed that I noticed and can still remember 24 years later 😂 Of course the most irritating thing is that DS1 does indeed look just like his great Uncle. 😭😭😭

Even more rritsting is that all four of my D.C. Look far more like DHs family than mine. I think they have strong genes or something. 🤔

What's your reply lavei when she says she thinks of your baby as her own?

ah slogan baby clothes. so far MIL has sent over a few which will be worn once for obligatory photos then thrown away. DH hates them too.

they vary from "i spent 9 months inside", "party in my room with mummy at 2am" (why doesn't daddy have to be there...?) and "my kiwi grandma's my favourite" (dh is kiwi and MIL lives in NZ. i was half expecting there to be a picture of her on that one...)

i super hate them. i bought some from next the other day though - one had dogs on it and said "woof" one had a duck "Quack" and the other a cat "meow" dh wanted to know why i'd bought them if i hate slogan ones. as far as I'm aware, animal noises aren't slogans. they're fact.

i have bought a "i support the all blacks like daddy" one but DH hasn't seen that yet. and its fact. baby boy will have no option but to.

I think you're right to pick your battles. I can understand why it's a bit annoying - but taken out of context, any objections could sound petty and will be an example of your 'general unreasonableness' that she can keep bringing up if you have to take her on about something more serious in the future.

Well, you're right to pick your battles, and if you never dress him in the horrid things it won't matter, will it?

I suppose you could put him in one of the t-shirts when he's due at hers, but otherwise keep them safe, 'for best' .

had the same problem
long time ago
hate waste tho
tiedyed all of them purple and red
camo my darlings camo

She said this the other day, that she has to remind herself that he is mine, but that he is also hers. I told her that it's lovely to see how much she sees him as one of her family, because he is, but her baby is here (indicated to OH) and my baby is here (me pick up DS). FIL picked up on it and I think he's had a word with her as she hasn't done that since. She kept cuddling DP and calling him her baby when we saw them last. Not in an arsy way though.
She's a very sweet lady who has several younger sisters who've all become grandparents before she has. My DP is the youngest of her children and I think she was starting to think she would never be a grandparent and it was killing her! She was so desperate! I was with OH nearly a year before I met her because the first time she knew about me she was asking OH if he saw himself having a family with me. When I first met her she asked me whether I wanted children. She has health issues which means she is very reliant on others and also isolated during the day when FIL goes to work so she has time to think, shop online etc. I wouldn't be surprised if she was on here tbh lol

Awww I feel sorry for her now

@Justdontgetitatall exactly, this is my problem. She is sweet and I understand why she acts and says what she does, but it makes me feel a bit grr when it's all the time. She really wants our baby to be close to their family which I'm more than happy for too! But rather than speaking to me about it, she tried to force it by buying all these tshirts and matching outfits for DS, DP and her other son.

mother in law
not mother of babes

had wonderful mil
horrible sil
she was different religion
thought MY babes should be her religion

of course this is a now 67 yr old that wants a hot
pink funeral,including casket

i just ignored her comments

dh passed away and all she could talk about was what it did to her
yes i know it was her brother
but i didnt exist
even tried to push her religion to override dh wishes.

made a bad time worse for me and twins.

dsss but dont knuckle under

it is your life and your responsibily to raise the baby
HUGS to all babies

no matchng outfits nooooooo

I used to love those slogan tops when I had my first. But now I find them cringey.
Ds3 was bought two tops for his birthday. One that says "Trouble is my middle name" and another that says "Little monster. Wanted for extreme cheekiness".
I just smiled acted grateful. 😬

@winglesspegasus sooooo many matching outfits

I really don't understand the problem with the clothes.

matching out fits for mixed twins
b-day presents,when ds and dd were little they would cry when
they would open them.
had a nice wardrobe for teddys and dolls

once and only once she gave matching for all of us

DD 6 yrs at the time
popped off with" we are individuals we dont want to be alike"
no she wasnt coached but very precocious/was reading by 3.def has a mind of her own.
last time for that sort of gift

it's harder for grandparents because they feel like parents who aren't allowed to parent This is rubbish. Sane people who are grandparents only think of themselves as grandparents. This is not some sweet little old lady, OP, your partners' mother is someone who has attachment issues and improper boundaries as pp have said. Be prepared for histrionics down the line as the reality begins to dawn on her.

And chuck out the slogan clothing.

is daddy an only child
or maybe only boy

i agree with rechargablecattery

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter
They are wonderful friends! It's been invaluable having like minded friends.

Suggest going shopping together for the baby outfits ? I love my dil and always ask what she likes and keep th receipts , but also you have to have a bit of give and take , she doesn't realise she's annoying you at the moment.

She sounds too overbearing imo. Married or not if u wanted to vanish you could, regardless. I presume your DP is on the birth certificate, if so he won't gain more rights through marriage. I think it was after 2003 any parent on the birth certificate automatically has full parental responsibility. But even that doesn't stop parents taking off with kids.

Tackiness aside, I do think she's trying to put you in your place a bit. I can see you back here in a year's time driven mad by her. I'm usually pretty cool about MIl's and never had issues with any of mine. But the fact she's already talking asif she feels he's hers too, fearing you will take him away and about how she loves him like a parent. Too much!

Rechargeable said it much better then me! Definitely be prepared for histrionics!

My MIL used to do this so I bought ones with "mummy's......" and put those on baby!

I would buy ones with "mummy's..." in matching colours to your clothes if possible, failing that dh... or perhaps even everyone the same colour. Wear them every time you see mil.

Yes this is a boundary issue. Your ds isn't hers!!!

ehhh. just pick your battles, seriously. Soon the kid will be picking what they want to wear and you'll have nothing to do with it. I wish we had more support with our DS1 and our DS2 due in 6 weeks. My in laws live 8000 miles away, and my parents live 2 miles away but show zero interest in him.