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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To expect my sister to come out for my birthday meal?

73 replies

emilyk315 · 20/05/2017 21:43

I'm having a birthday meal with family and friends bank holiday weekend. I'm turning 30 and consider it a big birthday. My sister isn't coming, she would prefer to go away for the weekend to the same caravan she's been to for the last three weekends in a row and hundreds of times before. We're going out on the Sunday, so she could still go Friday to Sunday and come back in time as it's in the evening. Am I unreasonable to think that she should make an effort to come? Or have I got no right to expect anything from her?

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 20/05/2017 21:44

My sister wouldnt come either. She doesnt like people

QuiteLikely5 · 20/05/2017 21:44

I think under happy circumstances it's reasonable to expect her to be there BUT you and your dsis obviously don't have the greatest relationship or she would be there

GreatFuckability · 20/05/2017 21:44

I think YABU, if she doesn't want to go, she doesn't. I hate family meals and stuff, and will avoid them like the plague.

QuiteLikely5 · 20/05/2017 21:45

So therefore I can't say she is being unreasonable until I know the back story!

NellieFiveBellies · 20/05/2017 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
emilyk315 · 20/05/2017 21:48

She will go to anyone else's birthday/celebration meal, family or not. She can never be bothered for mine. I feel that she just isn't bothered about her relationship with me. Would you feel the same?

OP posts:
Original poster
emilyk315 · 20/05/2017 21:49

When we're in the same room we get on fine. She just seems to have a problem socialising with me.

OP posts:
Thirtyrock39 · 20/05/2017 21:49

Yanbu for a 30th. I do find birthday meals a bit of a pain and don't always go as they're a bit 'everyone celebrate me' but for key birthday years I'd always make an effort

Highalert · 20/05/2017 21:49

I don't think it would bother me TBH and I get on well with my sisters.We all have out own lives.

Youvegotafriendinme · 20/05/2017 21:51

Me and both my DSis are really close but one of them didn't come to my 30th meal as it was at 7pm and she would rather her DC were in bed by then. The meal was at my DMs house. I didn't hold it against her but just was honest and told her how I felt.

Original poster
emilyk315 · 20/05/2017 21:52

I'm not a centre of attention type. It's not that I want everyone to celebrate me. It's just to me being 30 is a big birthday and I just want to celebrate.

OP posts:
Original poster
emilyk315 · 20/05/2017 21:56

She also hasn't had the decency to tell me herself. She had our mother pass on a message. I do think that's a bit shitty of her.

OP posts:
Lemonnaise · 20/05/2017 22:17

YANBU. I think your sister is out of order.

Chloe84 · 20/05/2017 22:26

Stuff her. I wouldn't be making an effort on her birthday either.

Will she get you a card do you think?

Original poster
emilyk315 · 20/05/2017 22:28

No idea.

OP posts:
mummarichardson · 20/05/2017 22:31

I would be upset as well

llangennith · 20/05/2017 22:37

I love my younger sister dearly, we're 65 and 63, but all my life I've gone to any occasion she's celebrating (if invited) but she rarely comes to my celebrations. It's just the way it is. I make the effort, she's not bothered. We live 150 miles apart

Mum2jenny · 20/05/2017 22:42

You invited her, she chooses not to come, that's her choice. As they say on mumsnet, it's an invitation not a summons!

In my opinion, it depends on how much advanced warning you've given her re your birthday meal.

Shockers · 20/05/2017 22:48

Gatecrash the caravan holiday. Book the one next door for the rest of the family and take your party into the outdoors!

Sorry if that sounded flippant; it must be frustrating.

But, I booked a site and had my whole family in caravans, camper vans and tents for my 50th and it was brilliant.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/05/2017 22:51

Shockers
Gatecrash the caravan holiday. Book the one next door for the rest of the family and take your party into the outdoors!

Given that we have no real idea of what their relationship is/was like, or why the OP's DSis goes to the caravan a lot that would be extremely petty.

HildaOg · 20/05/2017 22:52

If she'll go to other peoples social events and celebrations but actively avoids yours then I think you're entitled to feel upset because it's personal. In saying that, I think you should accept that your relationship is what it is and leave her be. Don't bother with her and you won't be upset by her.

fabulous01 · 20/05/2017 22:54

It sounds like she doesn't want to be there. On that basis do you really want her there with a face like thunder.
My advice. Accept it, have s bottle of fizz and have a fab night with people who want to be there

Shockers · 20/05/2017 22:55

Boney, it was a joke.

Crumbs1 · 20/05/2017 22:55

It's not a big birthday- they stop at 21and start again about 75. Why on earth should she come if she doesn't want to?

Original poster
emilyk315 · 20/05/2017 22:57

It's not possible to gatecrash the caravan site, its private. That would annoy her if I did.

We do get on when we're in each other's company. It's very frustrating as I want a relationship with her and have tried, but over the last couple of years I feel she has been slowly distancing herself from me.

OP posts:
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