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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit miffed that my BF wants to use my bridesmaid dresses for her own wedding?

109 replies

Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 20:49

So my best friend is getting married next year and myself and another of her 3 bridesmaids has been round to her house today to do a bit of wedding planning. I had both of these girls as bridesmaids at my wedding nearly 4 years ago, plus my sister. Now my friend lives in her DP's large-ish house, he has a Porsche and another big car, his own business, and is generally reasonably comfortable financially.... which has left me baffled and slightly bemused with her asking me if they can use the same 3 bridesmaid dresses for her wedding as I had for mine in order to save money. So I'd wear my sister's dress, our mutual bridesmaid the same one she wore for mine and her other friend the one that the bride-to-be wore for mine. AIBU to be a bit put out about this? WWYD in this scenario? Acquiesce.... it's her day after all; or say no?

OP posts:

msgrinch · 20/05/2017 20:50

Let her use them. Surely its a non issue. They're not being used, she needs dresses.

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 20/05/2017 20:51

I don't think it would bother me tbh! I would be slightly taken aback by the request but it's actually quite sensible - my 2 bridesmaid dresses are sitting unworn in my wardrobe and it's a waste really.

Think of it as a big compliment on your excellent taste

Smellbellina · 20/05/2017 20:52

Why would you mind?

acquiescence · 20/05/2017 20:52

I think it's a lovely idea and saves extravagant waste. It's also nice to hear that despite being wealthy they don't feel the need to buy all new and spend a fortune when it necessary. It is a different day, a different wedding, no one is likely to think badly of it. Up to you though I suppose if you provided the dresses in the first place.

WellErrr · 20/05/2017 20:52

It's a bit odd. You'll get lots of 'it's only a DRESS' super cool type posts, but deep down I think most people would be slightly uncomfortable with this.

Lightship · 20/05/2017 20:52

It's a pretty big compliment to the dresses...?

Scholes34 · 20/05/2017 20:53

This really shouldn't be an issue. Why not use them again?

MoreThanUs · 20/05/2017 20:53

I think that this is a great idea!

Trills · 20/05/2017 20:53

It sounds very sensible to me.

They are not going to be used for anything else.

Can you break down precisely what it is that is upsetting you?

Are you annoyed that you had to go to some expense and she's not going to and it's unfair?

Are you upset that your wedding photos will look "the same"?

innitprawn · 20/05/2017 20:54

I kind of get how you feel - but overall I don't think it's an issue. You should try and see it as a compliment and really no matter how much money people have it's good not for anyone to waste money isn't it?!

DonaldStott · 20/05/2017 20:55

I would be glad they were getting put to use again as these things are not a 'waste of money', but it is a lot to pay for something that is to be worn once.

And come on, it was 4 years ago.

AppleMagic · 20/05/2017 20:55

Unless she's wearing the same wedding dress you wore or it's the same venue I don't think it's an issue, especially as it's been 4 years.

weddingopinionsplease · 20/05/2017 20:56

I think it's a really nice idea

bojorojo · 20/05/2017 20:57

Won't all the photos look a bit the same as yours? I have never heard of anyone even thinking about doing this and it hardly makes her wedding original! Having said that, it is difficult to refuse. I bet Kate's haven't been passed on to Pippa! Its not a classy suggestion is it? If she cannot afford lots of dresses just have one bridesmaid!

annandale · 20/05/2017 20:58

I am pretty sure I'd be delighted, though you can never tell how you'd react in this scenario. I offered a very close friend my wedding dress as she was going to have a dress made and I asked if she wanted mine to cut up for the fabric (pure silk, she is about half my width so could have got a lot of dress out of it ). Looking back it's not surprising she turned me down, but I don't think she minded the offer.

I think possibly the 'so I can save money' was a bit tactless - 'I absolutely love those dresses' would have been a nicer way to put it! But clearly she does love them.

Maybe ask if you can make sure they look different - different shoes, corsage, jewellery, whatever - as you are feeling a little bit odd about it?

ScarlettFreestone · 20/05/2017 20:59

Well it's a bit surprising certainly but it's actually a huge compliment to your taste in bridesmaid dresses.

What did you say to your friend?

Original poster

Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 20:59

I'm in two minds about it to be honest. I don't like waste and I do agree that it's daft that the dresses sit unused in wardrobes. I'm not even sure if my sister still has her dress, but I expect she probably does. The other part of me sees them being extravagant about other things, although a bit penny pinching about others and I think it just took me by surprise. I guess cos we've been talking about different colours and the colour she showed us today is not the same as we had for our wedding.... so we were all getting excited about that. And then an hour later she's asking in all seriousness if I'd mind if they used our dresses. I think I was just looking forward to going and choosing dresses together and having that girly experience... but then appreciate that that's a bit daft.

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadow · 20/05/2017 21:01

Why not?

It is sensible because you are recycling dresses, the cost is not just saving her but the planets resources too.

And here you know why they are minted, they dont splurge on things they dont need if they can borrow. Besides, you dont know how big the downpayments are on the car and the house....

DonaldStott · 20/05/2017 21:01

Won't all the photos look a bit the same as yours?

How often do people get their wedding albums out?

When do they look at them simultaneously in the same room and compare?

Not an issue.

ShottaSheriff · 20/05/2017 21:02

YABU. What about it would bother you?

It makes sense on many levels for her (cost, time etc) and your wedding has been and gone, several years ago. Just because they're well off doesn't mean they should fall into the trap of wasting hundreds of pounds on things they don't need.

Weddings are all so similar anyway and the details are lost on most people. Be flattered that she liked your style and that you picked something sufficiently timeless to be used again a few years later. Presumably it's not an original dress and countless people have worn them as bridesmaids anyway.

We got married and two weeks later some friends got engaged and then booked the same venue as ours - they asked if we minded but I couldn't have cared less! Can't wait to appreciate the venue as a guest with no pressure!

InvisibleKittenAttack · 20/05/2017 21:02

While my sensible head would say "this is a very good idea to avoid waste of clothing or money" my more emotional side would be screaming "no, you freak!" and would probably be tempted to claim my sister has already given away her dress to someone else to avoid having to wear it. (you'd need your sister on board for that).

Surely there's lots of cross over guests at both who'll be talking about the frocks, it'll soon get round to everyone that it's a dress recyling going on. Odd.

Trills · 20/05/2017 21:04

I don't think the wedding photos will look the same - there's a lot more going on than just the bridesmaids dresses. They will be different people, in a different place.

And if they did look the same - so what? How much time does anyone spend looking at wedding pictures that are not theirs?

InvisibleKittenAttack · 20/05/2017 21:05

re the photos though - with Facebook now, far more people do see the photos from a wedding, not just the formal album.

Trills · 20/05/2017 21:06

They do see them, yes. For about a minute. Maybe two.

jay55 · 20/05/2017 21:07

Would they still fit everyone?

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