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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit miffed that my BF wants to use my bridesmaid dresses for her own wedding?

109 replies

Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 20:49

So my best friend is getting married next year and myself and another of her 3 bridesmaids has been round to her house today to do a bit of wedding planning. I had both of these girls as bridesmaids at my wedding nearly 4 years ago, plus my sister. Now my friend lives in her DP's large-ish house, he has a Porsche and another big car, his own business, and is generally reasonably comfortable financially.... which has left me baffled and slightly bemused with her asking me if they can use the same 3 bridesmaid dresses for her wedding as I had for mine in order to save money. So I'd wear my sister's dress, our mutual bridesmaid the same one she wore for mine and her other friend the one that the bride-to-be wore for mine. AIBU to be a bit put out about this? WWYD in this scenario? Acquiesce.... it's her day after all; or say no?

OP posts:

kel1493 · 20/05/2017 22:42

I agree I'm not sure what the problem is. I'd take it as a compliment. Though on the other hand, same dresses in the pictures may look a bit strange in years to come.

Original poster

Stiffanky · 20/05/2017 22:52

'Something borrowed', I suppose!

OP posts:

EC22 · 20/05/2017 23:17

I wouldn't like it.
I'm surprised all the dresses are still wearable, I've trashed every bridesmaids dress I've ever worn!

FlapAttack88 · 20/05/2017 23:27

I think it depends how she asked

If my friend put this idea forward with mentions of the fact she lived the dresses, great excuse to bring them out again and offered to chip in a bit to what I had paid for them as she was using them for her wedding too.. or some token thing. .. then I would probably be cool with it. I wouldn't accept the money but would appreciate it kind of being at least being recognised that I hd spent a lot of money for something she was now getting for free for her wedding... does that make sense?

Weddings are all about personal touches though so if you put a lot of thought and effort into choosing bridesmaid dresses with your bridesmaids that suited them, your wedding g etc etc then I get why you would feel weird about them just being carted out to fit in with another wedding for convenience. .. kind of lose their special place in your wedding.

What's next. . Asking to borrow your wedding dress too?

Am surprised by how many people are saying they would be totally cool with it.. I don't think it would be unreasonable not to be cool.with it

As muxh as I think bridesmaid dresses are suxh a massive cost and suxh a shame to no get reworn again..

StarHeartDiamond · 20/05/2017 23:30

It's annoying and a bit wierd. I'd see it as treading on your toes and also she is saving money through your original outlay. If she was going to ask them a "I know this is a bit wierd/unusual but..." at the start wouldn't have gone amiss, nor would an offer of half the cost of the dresses to show you weren't saving money off the back of your friend without acknowledging it as such.

As an aside, dyeing dresses will not work as a) some or all of the dress is likely to be an man made fabric which doesn't take to dye and b) even if the dress was 100% natural fabric (silk etc) the cotton used to see with is likely man made and so it won't take the dye colour. So every stitch would stand out as the original yellow whilst the rest of the dress was navy or whatever.

And c) dyeing is almost always patchy and doesn't set well as it usually requires hot water temperatures, which most dresses apart from those made of cotton, can't take.

Xmasbaby11 · 20/05/2017 23:31

I know what you mean, it seems weird but I can't put my finger on why. Probably because she's deliberately doing it to save money. I'd expect her to offer money for the dresses even if you didn't accept it.

However I agree with pp it's a compliment as your bf must love the dresses to want them to be in her wedding.

twattymctwatterson · 20/05/2017 23:38

She's a good enough friend that she was your bridesmaid and you are hers. The dresses are languishing in a wardrobe unworn. Really what's the problem? I wouldn't be talking about making donations to charity either - she's a close friend.

mammmamia · 20/05/2017 23:44

It's a good idea. I can't bear bridesmaids dresses that look really bridesmaidy and will clearly never be worn again. My BF had us in gorgeous strapless floaty dresses all in different colours. I've worn that dress to 3 other weddings and would do again except it no longer fits my late thirties figure

Plumkettle · 20/05/2017 23:52

Hmm. I'm not sure I'd be entirely happy either TBH op.

Who cares if that is "cool" or not.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable, however "irrationally" don't do it. You'll regret it and possibly bring resentment into the friendship.

MrsArthurShappey · 21/05/2017 00:10

Is your sisters dress being taken in then? Because you suggest it won't even fit you

emmyrose2000 · 21/05/2017 00:41

It sounds weird and cheeky to me.

If I attended both yours and this other bride's wedding as a guest, I'd think it very strange indeed to see the second lot of bridesmaids in the same dresses as the first wedding.

Now that I know you paid for the BM dresses, I think the bride is beyond cheap and rude to want to use them, just to save herself a bit of money.

NoLoveofMine · 21/05/2017 00:43

What's wrong with it?

If I ever get married everyone will be able to wear whatever they want. I'll wear jeans and a t-shirt. This obsession about women's clothing on wedding days is ridiculous.

BeaderBird · 21/05/2017 04:05

YABU and a bit weird that any of this even crossed your mind.

CaramelEmporium · 21/05/2017 05:43

I think I'd be a bit miffed tbh on the basis of having paid for them, & she gets them to use them for free. I know PP say it's already a sunk cost but I'd still be a bit put out.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/05/2017 06:06

As long as she doesn't re-use your groom I think it's fine.

fizzingwhizbee · 21/05/2017 06:10

Similar thing happened between two friends (I was a mutual bridesmaid). The bride who originally bought the BM dresses said "no".

She said she had spent months choosing the dresses for us all and as there were so many mutual guests at the two weddings, she felt it would take something away from her own wedding.

Rightly or wrongly.

She later admitted to me she had said "no" because she doesn't believe the marriage will last and didn't want the dresses used for a wedding she thinks is a terrible idea

ITooHaveBeenThere · 21/05/2017 06:15

Very sensible idea!

And perhaps they're comfortably off financially because they make these sort of choices.

Look after the pennies and all that...

WomanScorned · 21/05/2017 06:16

I'm big on reducing waste, so would be glad to see them being used more than once.

I would offer the loan of the dresses as my wedding gift to my friend.

MangosteenSoda · 21/05/2017 06:28

I would say yes, but I would find it a bit odd and I don't think I'd ever have the nerve to ask someone else for their bridesmaids' dresses.

TBH, most bridesmaid dresses nowadays would double as evening dressing for other events, so after 4 years, I would expect nice ones to have been worn a few times.

OP, I hope your friend will pay for your sister's dress to be altered for you as you say it's too big for you. In that case, you also need to get your sister's permission because she won't be able to wear it again after that.

Temporary2002 · 21/05/2017 06:32

If the dresses could be altered somehow so they did not look exactly the same as in your wedding it would be better I think.

Iris65 · 21/05/2017 06:32

I also think that it is a lovely idea. Others have posted all the reasons why so I won't rehash them!

DireStraights · 21/05/2017 06:34

I wouldn't do that myself. But it will be quite a big saving.

Bridesmaids dresses are normally part of a theme.. flower colours etc Is she having the same theme as you? As that would be weird?

MerryMarigold · 21/05/2017 06:41

Dire, the answer is there is you tread OP updates.

OP, it's just be worried about wearing a dress the wrong size for me. And as a PP said, you can say you don't mind the thought in theory, but you can't agree to someone else giving you their dress, especially if it will involve alterations meaning the can't have it back.

DarkFloodRises · 21/05/2017 06:46

You can still have your nice girly day out with the bride and bridesmaids - maybe buying shoes or trying out hairstyles? I'd be fine with this - as long as your sister still has her dress and it looks nice on you!

KERALA1 · 21/05/2017 06:47

I thought you were going to say they wanted you to buy your own dresses which I would agree is unreasonable. But this is a great idea

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