to be fed up of this aggressive baking

[JHMJHM]

DH comes home at least once a month with yet another bakery offering from a woman he works with. I don't get when this became a thing? He defends it by saying how 'nice' it is and that she just likes 'making cakes' but I find it fucking odd and it really irks me.

To be honest I am queasy over other peoples baked goods- and I am sick of seeing her brownies seeping over my work surfaces. I don't get it at all and it boils my piss that DH cant see that it is WIERD. Why do people think they need to invest the time (and expense!) into feeding them their foul cakes? Its not like my DH is ill or thin, he is pretty robust.

Ok, this is an assertiveness issue, not a baking related one, aggressive or otherwise.

'No, thank you' is a perfectly acceptable and polite way of declining unwanted baked goods.

Hi LedaP this further confirms how out of touch I am with office life now. When I last worked in an office environment we might have gone out for the odd drink as a team, but definitely didnt have kind of frequent celebration type things with cake and stuff at work.

Does your DH eat the cakes?
If so, do you have an issue with him eating them?
If not, he should really learn how to say no - it's an important adult life skill IME
And he should say no because HE does not want the cakes, not because his wife tells him to - that would be more weird than somebody bringing cake to the work place for their colleagues to enjoy.

Hi Bertrand because to some people it can be arduous- as I said before my sister had a hard time on a regular basis because the people she worked with simply didnt believe she didnt like sweets/choc/cake. As a slim woman with no sweet tooth she was pretty regularly told she had an eating disorder and it became a very real source of anxiety and embarassment, and to be put in that position every couple of weeks (or more I guess for some people) is actually quite a lot.

Hi Pacific, he eats a little very seldomly. No, no issue with him having anything he likes but you are right- he does need to say no now.

So, being a feminist means a woman can't enjoy baking? Damn, there was me thinking it meant that women had the choice to enjoy baking, or getting greasy fixing an engine (or even both).
I've been getting it all wrong all these years.

Before I became disabled, I used to love baking. We had a lot of chickens, so baking helped to use some of the eggs.

Homemade cake tastes much nicer than shop bought, and there are fewer ingredients than in commercially made cakes.

I'd love it if someone baked me cakes on a regular basis, I really miss it.

I haven't been offended if a colleague has said no to my baking. People are on diets or just not in the mood or don't like that flavour of cake, no big deal really.

Why can't you just tell your DH that anything he brings home which isn't eaten within the next day or so goes straight in the bin?

he does need to say no now.

No he needs to say no as and when he feels like he doesnt want to bring it home.

Not always, not because you say just when he feels like he doesnt want cake.

In the last 6 months my department (60 people) have had

4 birthdays
3 mat leavers
1 x first anniversary of a our department opening
2 celebrations when we were top of the whole company at the end of a quarter.
4 charity events

All these involved cake. Some people took left overs home. Some didnt.

Hi Motoko, no, I enjoy baking too. I do quite a bit with the kids as an activity. I don't make mountains though and I was interested as to why this is such a thing now in the workplace as I don't work in an office. It is new to me.

Hi LedaP I think that cake had replaced booze- I don't think we would have celebrated all those things when I was in an office but when we did it would have been at the pub for a pint after work.

"he does need to say no now."

Why?

We rarley go our drinking.

May go out for dinner but, usually very little (if any) booze involved. About half our staff dont drink for religious reasons. I just dont drink.

But if someone wanted to go out drinking or increase socialising after work i can imagine anyone calling it 'agressive socialising'

I have worked in offices where its the norm to all socialise togethrr and pressure put on if you dont. The same as your sister feels pressure over cake. But i dont get upset. Just used say it wasnt my sort of thing and thats it. If people carries on they got told to pack it in. End of.

I have often had people refusing a slice of cake if they are dieting/lactose intolerant. No big deal at all, I just move on to the next person and try to remember not to offer then plate to them again. It's not a personal affront, and I wouldn't want to sabotage someone's diet or lifestyle choices. I have a friend who has real issues around hygiene and wouldn't eat anyone's home cooking: she even struggles to eat in restaurants sometimes for fear of contamination or germs, so I have never seen her eat home baking at all. Again, she refuses my baking but I know it's not personal and I don't choose to feel offended over it!

I love baking and it's lovely to share it with people who enjoy it. There is no obligation on anyone I offer my cooking or baking to, to eat it, and if I felt it was resented by someone I would take that on board and bake less or stop.

Ps: oozing brownies are my husband's favourite kind. He digs into the middle of the brownie pan while it's still warm to get the most gooey bits.

In answer to your final question Op...

I don't wander around offering my baked goods to people. I just walk in, declare, 'Cake.' so people are aware of its presence, then stick the box on the side by the kettle.

People can then help themselves should they wish to, or not if they don't. I'm not concerned either way. I also don't fish for feedback - if it's offered I say, 'Thanks.'

It's just cake. Some people like it, and are welcome to eat it, some people don't and that is fine too.

Whoever does or doesn't eat it, it goes, and I take the box home when it is empty.

My male friend and I had a bet on an outcome at work, loser bakes. He baked and the result was immense. We are having another bet now, loser gets the coffee in.

For me cake is not a feminist issue... It's, um, cake. The presence of my vagina doesn't oblige me to do it.

Obviously she likes baking, I used to love going into school and a lady had baked cakes very often, I thought it was lovely x

Hi Bertrand, because we dont eat them and it is just a massive waste to get lots of cake so regularly

This is a thread for the classics.

The OP is unhinged.

This is hilarious

Oh please don't nominate for Classics - although it's on the same level as penis beaker and cutted up pear I suppose

People who liked making cakes used to bring them in to work occasionally. The non bakers would sometimes bring in shop cakes. The people who liked cakes ate them.

I can't remember there ever being enough left to take home. If there was some left people would eat it at break the next day. I probably would think it was odd if DH regularly brought cake home. Why would you keep making more than was needed or wanted. It wouldn't bother me but I would wonder why they bothered.

Maybe the poor guy just likes cake and he is being nice to his work colleague. I love to bake and find it a great stress reliever but can't eat everything I make so I give it away. I didn't know I was being weird

It's not weird, Mustang. People like cake and most people who bake won't eat everything they bake or they'd be the size of a house!

I guess I would just wonder about making so much colleagues were taking home full tubs. It's expensive too!

If he's bringing home more cake than he eats, he should cut it down a bit, let some of the others have cake too.

Perhaps he's bringing home the amount of cake he would like to eat and you are putting him off with your anti-cake stance.

The Patriarchy