To ask stranger to hold DD's hand

[BeakyFlapdoodle]

No more abuse please, I'm feeling wobbly enough as it is, but would really like an unbiased opinion.

I have two DD aged 2.5 and 6 months. DD1 goes to a small village nursery for a day a week and this morning I needed to drop her off at 9 in order to head into work to talk about starting back. So I was stressed enough trying to get everyone out of the house whilst trying to make sure I didn't look as though I'd been dragged through a bush.
I then became much more stressed when I realised that the road to DD's nursery was closed. The workmen told me that I needed to park the car on the already overcrowded village road and walk the ten mins up to the nursery. I parked in the only space available (bearing in mind I needed to lug two small children up a hill) which happened to be in front of a dropped kerb outside a pub car park. Yes. Totally in the wrong. But I checked the car park which was empty apart from one car (figured it likely belonged to the owner) there was literally nowhere else to stop (yes, I wish I'd parked in the carpark but I've had a recent bad experience with a landlord shouting at me for using his carpark 'illegally') and I reasoned that pubs don't get a huge amount of visitors before 9am on a Friday morning and that I'd be ten minutes.

I got the buggy out of the boot and fastened in the baby. I heaved the toddler out of the car amidst shouts of 'I want to sit in the buggyyyyy!' Locked the car and started to walk up the muddy hill towards the godforsaken nursery.

After a few minutes I hear a (not at all happy) shout of 'Excuse me!' followed by another when I don't stop immediately.
'You're blocking me in! Come and move your car!'
With the nursery now in sight, i explain to the woman (who I assume is another mum in the same predicament) that if I could just walk the 5 more minutes it'll take to drop DD off (as opposed to dragging them both back to the car, moving the car and then beginning the whole exercise all over again) then I'll run back down the hill and move the car immediately, but I'm running really, really late. This did not go down well.
Apparently I was 'breaking the law' by parking in front of a dropped kerb (fair enough..) and did I want the police to be called?

At this point (mega stressed) we turned around and started walking back towards the car and i suggested to my new shouty friend that the quickest and easiest way for me to move the car would be if she could stand on the pavement next to me and hold DD's hand and the buggy to avoid me having to get everyone into the car first. At this suggestion, she looked me up and down as though I were bloody Ian Brady incarnate and said:

*'what kind of parent are you that you'd leave your children with someone you don't even know?'

A bit taken aback, I explained that I had no intention of 'leaving them' with anyone, i was simply asking her to stand with them (in full view of me) while I moved the car for her.

Apparently, I am 'a disgusting excuse for a parent' for suggesting it and the abuse continued until I snapped and said 'alright, I'll leave the car where it is then!' Turned around and carried on up the hill.

So, I'd really like to know whether it was a completely unreasonable suggestion? Do people not do things like this to help each other anymore?

@IamtheDevilsAvocado I think it was more of a case that OP had her return to work meeting at work that she was going to or else she would have walked to nursery as usual.

rainbowpastel OP here. I had absolutely no intention of blocking the landlord in I can assure you. Why would I want to do that and face a potential row on an already stressful morning? It was pre 9am, all the curtains of the pub were closed and there was no one around.
Also, the comment about me actually asking her to wait 15mins is wrong. We were most of the way there by the time she stopped me and I knew it'd be easy to run back without dragging DD with me.
If I could've 'planned to park further away' then I absolutely would've done. If I'd known the road was going to be closed, I would've taken a double buggy and parked in the next sodding village! As it was, there was no space and I had one buggy between two!

Thanks for all the support. As I said, I realise that I was well in the wrong initially but if she'd just shouted at me over that I would've moved the car, shrugged it off and got on with my day. It was the attack on my parenting and a genuine concern on my part that I was wrong to ask a stranger to help me.

There have been threads about holding hands or helping others with their kids before. I would, and have, held onto other people's kids before. Random strangers have done it for me, too. What I would never do, is out my kids in the care of someone who was angry and shouting at me or anyone else. If someone is being nasty and aggressive, then you could have been putting them in danger, in addition to sending them a weird message that you will hand them over to a scary person. In this case, even in your OP, you seem to be very self-centred and entitled. You don't have priority over anyone, and parking on a drop kerb knowing full well you're blocking someone in but deciding for yourself that they don't need to go anywhere.... that's pretty outrageous. If you can't manage in the mornings without getting way too stressed and then parking illegally, you should have made the work appointment for later, or asked the kids' dad to help or something. Your stress doesn't trump other another person's, and having two kids with you doesn't mean that you have an excuse to do what you like without reprimand. That being said, shouting at you and saying those things was uncalled for. Both highly unreasonable

You sound like you think you had no other choice to park there so had 'justified' it to yourself. Do you thin

I think you're in the wrong, I would have been angry if you had blocked me in, then asked me to be responsible for your child for even a second. Your car and your kid are your responsibilities.

The person you blocked in could have been late for work or something equally important, your problems don't trump everyone else's.

Oh come off it, isn't this exactly the sort of entitled stuff you see all the time? School run etc.

I'm regularly surprised on here that women who make life harder for other people get a pat on the back because they happen to have kids. It's nursery and a return to work chat not 999 stuff.

Op I'm not surprised she was livid and probably you asking her to look after the kids was the final straw hence the shouting at you.

Poor you. Many of us have been there. I feel for you. A rock and a hard place!

" I realised that i was unreasonable and went to move the car. "

Yes, but not before suggesting that she wait around whilst you finished what you were doing!

Well, at least you won't do it again!

I have two similar age gaps between my younger three so I do get the stress, practical difficulties and impossibility of getting out the house looking work presentable!

Her/the landlord's call to the nursery was justified though when you weren't apologetic on returning to your car the second time. And the nursery will obviously be concerned parents don't inconvenience other local business owners.

I would say it was unreasonable to ask the lady to look after your children in these particular circumstances. She needed to hop in her car and drive off the moment you moved yours. It also sounds like you would have had to drive up the lane looking for a parking space? So that did necessitate popping the children and buggy back in the car and waiting until another parent returned to their car and moved off rather than leaving them with this lady for a good few minutes.

Leaving aside all the parking shenanigans, I don't think you were unreasonable to ask her to hold hands. That does not make you a bad parent.

To add you were also stopping vehicles driving in as well as out. I know my parents local village pub receives deliveries from 7.30am. The landlord also could have been out when you parked and returned only to find they were stuck in the lane waiting for you to return while blocking traffic.

It sounds like you were stressed and she a was a grumpy cow.
How come the OP was stressed but the other woman was a grumpy cow? Surely both were stressed and were grumpy as a result of that.
But it was the OP's actions that caused the other woman stress, so it's hardly going to go down well to ask the person you have just caused inconvenience to, for their help.

Good grief, you parked over a space that is no allowed to be parked over. At that point you lost any moral high ground you might try and claim. You were being a fuckwit, and then you got upset when someone tried to call you out on your behaviour. But you then decided to ask the upset stranger to babysit whilst you tried to find a new space. Can you really not see that you were an entitled fuckwit who thought that their need was greater than anyone else?

she wouldn't have been late, my daughter would've been spared listening to someone shouting at her mother in the street

All situations of your own making. You make it sound as though it was the other lady's fault she was late. It wasn't. It was yours.

Nobody, including you, is so important that they have a right to behave the way you did in this situation. In many places blocking a driveway and/or other vehicle is illegal. It wouldn't served you right if you'd come back and found your car towed away.

You are lucky they didn't damage your car at my children's school / nursery people have been blocking people on numerous times and so people have keyed cars saying don't park like a dicks on car sides or bonnets and no one has seen who did it wink wink

Oh and something very like what you did had a very different result the pushed the offending car out of the way and got it towed as it was blocking the road after it was moved and the driver had to pay the costs of the towing the impound costs and a fine before she got her car back the pubs ctv for some reason wasn't working at witnesses said she had parked in the middle of the road wink wink

I can see you were stressed but honestly if I were the other woman I would have been furious...every second counts in the morning when you are dripping kids off and getting to work so your request initially for her to wait would have just made things worse. That being said if you had asked me about the hand holding I would have realised it was the quickest way of sorting out the problem and agreed but at the same time I don't think you can exactly call her unreasonable for not wanting to be responsible for your children, even for a few minutes (especially at a busy time with lots of cars). I think you have to chalk this one up to experience and just remember that running late and being stressed is not an excuse for common sense to go out of the window as it will just cause more problems.

Jesus worried it sounds like you live in a shit area

You should've left earlier and avoided this panic
You shouldn't have parked on a dropped kerb
Woman should not have blown her top at you but asked nicely ,
You should have moved the car straight away when she asked
No prob asking her to hold your hand as you were right there not leaving her
Woman was an abusive nutcase

Six of one half a dozen of the other. Put it behind you x

op you should never have parked there.
You did cause this.
You need to find somewhere else to park or this will happen again.
Complaining to the nursery was warranted, i think most people would.
She shouldnt have said what she did, but you were completely out of order blocking her in. She was probably at the end of her rope too.
You have no idea where she was meant to be.
People get in serious trouble being late to work.
JuSt draw A line under it, and think about looking for somewhere to park that doesn't involve blocking someone in. You don't need agro like this.

I would have complained to the nursery too. Because you probably aren't the only one who does it if parking is literally that impossible in the area. And the nursery need to know it's happening before people start trying to get their business shut down because it can't facilitate the parents.

The parking was awful, but your asking her to wait was ridiculous and arrogant which I don't think you agree with. The hand holding was by the by, you were already very firmly in the wrong.

You were obviously BU to park where you did but I can understand that you were very stressed and made a bad decision. Shouty woman wasn't BU to be angry about where you parked but was BU to tell you off for asking her to hold your toddler's hand. She could have just said she doesn't want the responsibility.
I'd happily hold the hand of a child if a stranger asked me, and have held a stranger's baby before while they went to the toilet.

YABU,
Is DD getting to nursery exactly on time so she can play with play dough more important than whatever literally everyone else was doing in the village. Please don't tell me you think so...

For all you know, she could have been a doctor late for an appointment, or a businesswoman needing to get to the station, but DD's vomits nursery was more important than that because she's your very important very special D A R L I N G daughter. I bet you're the type to push your kids around in a buggy taking up the whole pavement too.

Ahh I've managed to leave my toddler up the top of an escalator due to heavy suitcase and pram (London) and he messed around getting on! An old lady brought him down!

Do you have anyone who can help you if you're struggling right now op?