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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask stranger to hold DD's hand

165 replies

BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 18:45

No more abuse please, I'm feeling wobbly enough as it is, but would really like an unbiased opinion.

I have two DD aged 2.5 and 6 months. DD1 goes to a small village nursery for a day a week and this morning I needed to drop her off at 9 in order to head into work to talk about starting back. So I was stressed enough trying to get everyone out of the house whilst trying to make sure I didn't look as though I'd been dragged through a bush.
I then became much more stressed when I realised that the road to DD's nursery was closed. The workmen told me that I needed to park the car on the already overcrowded village road and walk the ten mins up to the nursery. I parked in the only space available (bearing in mind I needed to lug two small children up a hill) which happened to be in front of a dropped kerb outside a pub car park. Yes. Totally in the wrong. But I checked the car park which was empty apart from one car (figured it likely belonged to the owner) there was literally nowhere else to stop (yes, I wish I'd parked in the carpark but I've had a recent bad experience with a landlord shouting at me for using his carpark 'illegally') and I reasoned that pubs don't get a huge amount of visitors before 9am on a Friday morning and that I'd be ten minutes.

I got the buggy out of the boot and fastened in the baby. I heaved the toddler out of the car amidst shouts of 'I want to sit in the buggyyyyy!' Locked the car and started to walk up the muddy hill towards the godforsaken nursery.

After a few minutes I hear a (not at all happy) shout of 'Excuse me!' followed by another when I don't stop immediately.
'You're blocking me in! Come and move your car!'
With the nursery now in sight, i explain to the woman (who I assume is another mum in the same predicament) that if I could just walk the 5 more minutes it'll take to drop DD off (as opposed to dragging them both back to the car, moving the car and then beginning the whole exercise all over again) then I'll run back down the hill and move the car immediately, but I'm running really, really late. This did not go down well.
Apparently I was 'breaking the law' by parking in front of a dropped kerb (fair enough..) and did I want the police to be called? Hmm

At this point (mega stressed) we turned around and started walking back towards the car and i suggested to my new shouty friend that the quickest and easiest way for me to move the car would be if she could stand on the pavement next to me and hold DD's hand and the buggy to avoid me having to get everyone into the car first. At this suggestion, she looked me up and down as though I were bloody Ian Brady incarnate and said:

*'what kind of parent are you that you'd leave your children with someone you don't even know?'

A bit taken aback, I explained that I had no intention of 'leaving them' with anyone, i was simply asking her to stand with them (in full view of me) while I moved the car for her.

Apparently, I am 'a disgusting excuse for a parent' for suggesting it and the abuse continued until I snapped and said 'alright, I'll leave the car where it is then!' Turned around and carried on up the hill.

So, I'd really like to know whether it was a completely unreasonable suggestion? Do people not do things like this to help each other anymore?

OP posts:
Opentoadvice · 19/05/2017 19:05

Oh I see, to get to work. Sorry.

Sound stressful Flowers

SweetLuck · 19/05/2017 19:05

YABU. You don't block people in.

Original poster
BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 19:05

yesmilk thank you Flowers

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 19/05/2017 19:06

Would parking in the pub car park actually be illegal?!

ShowMePotatoSalad · 19/05/2017 19:07

I don't really understand your reasoning about the car park. Surely you would incur less wrath by parking in a space than blocking someone in?

I know you were stressed and that's not a good situation for you but I think you were being unreasonable. The lady shouldn't have hurled abuse at you though - there's absolutely no excuse for that.

Waltermittythesequel · 19/05/2017 19:09

And tbh to that woman, 10 minutes on a work day morning is quite a long time to be blocked in!

Whatsername17 · 19/05/2017 19:12

You have had a shit day and you need all of these Cake Gin Flowers Wine. Id have held your los hand.

harderandharder2breathe · 19/05/2017 19:12

You were both BU

The entrance to a car park is in no way a "space" in which to park. So regardless of the circumstance you shouldn't have parked there.

The other woman was likely just as stressed and delayed as you and saw red that you proposed to delay her for another 10 minutes while you carried on with what you were doing.

However there was no need for her to call you a shit parent.

I would absolutely hold a strangers child's hand if they asked me to, although would be inwardly praying they weren't a bolter as not sure I could hold them securely enough

olympicsrock · 19/05/2017 19:13

You parked in a stupid place but were not unreasonable to ask her to hold a child's hand while you moved the car.

Original poster
BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 19:13

waltermitty apparently pub landlords are able to clamp cars that belong to anyone other than patrons of the pub. Or at least, that's what I was told not very long ago when I tried it out.
Yes, it would've been better to park in there. But the pub was absolutely dead and I thought that the one car in the car park was extremely unlikely to want to move within the ten minutes I'd be gone.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 19:14

olympicsrock thank you. I'll take that.

OP posts:
Seenoevil · 19/05/2017 19:14

She might of been running late herself and needed you to move the car straight away so was also stressed and pissed off that you blocked the whole pub car park, I honestly don't know why you would block a pub car park thoughConfused. You should of parked further up the road.

I personally would of held your child's hand for you to move your car but if there was no spaces how far would you of had to drive to find somewhere ?

I also wouldn't of asked her to hold my kids hand though, she's a stranger and I wouldn't trust someone I didn't know to watch my kids while I moved my car.

CaptainHarville · 19/05/2017 19:19

So she wanted to wait for you to strap two children in, collapse your buggy and then move your car rather than just stand there holding your toddlers hand for probably 30seconds while you parked in the pub car park?

I remember on my first outing alone with pfb getting stuck in john lewis because I needed to pay for parking but the pay station was down a very small flight of steep stairs. I didn't know what to do leave baby, bounce them down very steep steps which would almost certainly have woken him, ditto picking him up. A lovely lady turned up immediately realized I was a very new mum offered to wait with my newborn; she even sympathised with how stressed I felt leaving him although he was never actually out of my sight and I was probably no more than 10ft away. Never forgotten how she totally understood how I felt without me saying anything.

NellieFiveBellies · 19/05/2017 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thisiswhyileft · 19/05/2017 19:21

Disregarding the later conversation about your parenting which wasn't reasonable. I would say you were being unreasonable to park there in the first place.

I live next to a school and get sick to death of being blocked in people who are 'only going to be 10 minutes' well that makes me 10 minutes late.

Don't park over people's access, you're not the only one who gets stressed about being late.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 19/05/2017 19:22

YABU to say she looked me up and down as though I were bloody Ian Brady incarnate

Atenco · 19/05/2017 19:24

The changes of the random stranger being a kidnappèr are rather small, I would think.

diddl · 19/05/2017 19:24

I don't think that she should have been abusive, but I don't think that there was anything wrong in her not wanting to look after them so that you could move your car which was blocking her in.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 19/05/2017 19:27

Sounds stressful, you poor thing, however what were you "Really late" for? Nursery? But you can rock up there anytime!

You obviously haven't met our dragon of a favourite receptionist then. She makes you feel like you've killed a robin if you're five minutes late Grin

OP. Yes YWBU to park on the dropped kerb but you sound knackered and that woman completely overreacted. If she was that bothered about your parenting skills she could have always waited whilst you dropped DD off and then moved the car. Given she had the time to screech at you and then to also give you a lecture on your parenting she obviously wasn't in a rush to anywhere!

You sound really stressed bless you. Hope you've got tour feet up this evening.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/05/2017 19:31

She sounds like a right knob jockey, sorry you had a bad experience, not everyone is like that.

HildaOg · 19/05/2017 19:32

You were stressed and if she needed to get her car out that badly she would have been happy to hold on to the kid. She was just looking for an excuse to complain to you.

For what it's worth I held a baby in a coffee shop the other day while a stressed mother brought her twin three year olds to the toilet. Most of us aren't kidnappers or abusers. It should be normal to be prepared to help someone.

AnUtterIdiot · 19/05/2017 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EezerGoode · 19/05/2017 19:33

What a stupid cow you had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting...don't give it a second thought

hmcAsWas · 19/05/2017 19:38

I'd have been properly pissed off if you parked me in - hugely entitled (unless you have a genuine emergency)...however when you showed willing and came back, I would have watched your children whilst you moved your car and thanked you for moving your car

BigDamnHero · 19/05/2017 19:38

Of course you shouldn't have parked in the pub entrance but you admit that and I know I don't always make the best decisions when I'm stressed!

She was a bitch for saying you're a disgusting excuse for a parent. Asking her to hold your child's hand for a moment was sensible and her reaction to it was completely ridiculous.