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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask stranger to hold DD's hand

165 replies

BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 18:45

No more abuse please, I'm feeling wobbly enough as it is, but would really like an unbiased opinion.

I have two DD aged 2.5 and 6 months. DD1 goes to a small village nursery for a day a week and this morning I needed to drop her off at 9 in order to head into work to talk about starting back. So I was stressed enough trying to get everyone out of the house whilst trying to make sure I didn't look as though I'd been dragged through a bush.
I then became much more stressed when I realised that the road to DD's nursery was closed. The workmen told me that I needed to park the car on the already overcrowded village road and walk the ten mins up to the nursery. I parked in the only space available (bearing in mind I needed to lug two small children up a hill) which happened to be in front of a dropped kerb outside a pub car park. Yes. Totally in the wrong. But I checked the car park which was empty apart from one car (figured it likely belonged to the owner) there was literally nowhere else to stop (yes, I wish I'd parked in the carpark but I've had a recent bad experience with a landlord shouting at me for using his carpark 'illegally') and I reasoned that pubs don't get a huge amount of visitors before 9am on a Friday morning and that I'd be ten minutes.

I got the buggy out of the boot and fastened in the baby. I heaved the toddler out of the car amidst shouts of 'I want to sit in the buggyyyyy!' Locked the car and started to walk up the muddy hill towards the godforsaken nursery.

After a few minutes I hear a (not at all happy) shout of 'Excuse me!' followed by another when I don't stop immediately.
'You're blocking me in! Come and move your car!'
With the nursery now in sight, i explain to the woman (who I assume is another mum in the same predicament) that if I could just walk the 5 more minutes it'll take to drop DD off (as opposed to dragging them both back to the car, moving the car and then beginning the whole exercise all over again) then I'll run back down the hill and move the car immediately, but I'm running really, really late. This did not go down well.
Apparently I was 'breaking the law' by parking in front of a dropped kerb (fair enough..) and did I want the police to be called? Hmm

At this point (mega stressed) we turned around and started walking back towards the car and i suggested to my new shouty friend that the quickest and easiest way for me to move the car would be if she could stand on the pavement next to me and hold DD's hand and the buggy to avoid me having to get everyone into the car first. At this suggestion, she looked me up and down as though I were bloody Ian Brady incarnate and said:

*'what kind of parent are you that you'd leave your children with someone you don't even know?'

A bit taken aback, I explained that I had no intention of 'leaving them' with anyone, i was simply asking her to stand with them (in full view of me) while I moved the car for her.

Apparently, I am 'a disgusting excuse for a parent' for suggesting it and the abuse continued until I snapped and said 'alright, I'll leave the car where it is then!' Turned around and carried on up the hill.

So, I'd really like to know whether it was a completely unreasonable suggestion? Do people not do things like this to help each other anymore?

OP posts:
RainbowPastel · 19/05/2017 21:31

You should have moved your car as soon as you realised it was over a dropped kerb. I am not surprised she was mad at you blocking her in.

thunderpunt · 19/05/2017 21:41

I'm intrigued to know what she said when you went back...presumably she was still blocked in?

CotswoldStrife · 19/05/2017 21:44

If you look at it from the blocked-in driver's point of view - she wanted to get going, had to wait for you to come back and you then wanted her to wait a bit longer with your children! As I said earlier, I don't think she should have commented on your parenting.

So where did you move the car to, then?

Original poster
BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 21:53

I got back to the car with the baby and she was waiting for me along with the landlord of the pub...they all started having a go so I put the baby in her seat said something about "you don't need to stand there shouting at me, I'm getting out of the way' and moved as quickly as I was physically able to. I later found out that she'd made a complaint to the owners of the nursery, so I got told off when I picked DD up too. Brilliant.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 21:55

And yes, I can see it from her POV. Of course I would've been annoyed, but I would never have said the things that she said to me especially not in front of said "pathetic excuse for a parent" 's children...

OP posts:
CrochetBelle · 19/05/2017 21:56

And you didn't think maybe ending the story in the OP was necessary?

Wolfiefan · 19/05/2017 21:58

But you shouldn't have parked there. It's not legal. And storming off and leaving your car parked there? Not on.
No. I wouldn't ask a stranger to mind my kids. What if one bolted after the moving car?

Original poster
BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 22:04

Crotchetbelle not really? What's the difference?
Wolfiefan it's not illegal it's annoying, but not a criminal offence.

OP posts:
RainbowPastel · 19/05/2017 22:06

You are clearly massively in the wrong but want to blame the woman for her behaviour. You could have had your car towed.

Wolfiefan · 19/05/2017 22:14

Highway Code says don't park over dropped kerbs. Traffic Managemant Act 2004 gives councils the right to fine for doing this.

Wolfiefan · 19/05/2017 22:15

And it's not merely annoying. It is hugely taking the piss. You aren't entitled to park there. So don't.

madamedesevigne · 19/05/2017 22:20

I suppose you might technically be in the wrong but "new shouty friend" made me laugh so I'm on your side Grin

m0therofdragons · 19/05/2017 22:24

Thing is, on the school run there's always a mum or 10 that thinks they are more stressed than the rest of us so normal parking rules don't apply to them. Maybe lady was running late and you were making her even later. We all have bad days but how come you can have one but angry lady can't. Ywbu by parking there so to then expect her to be helpful was a bit ambitious on your part.

diddl · 19/05/2017 22:27

OP, why did you think that she should wait for you to drop you kid off before you went to move your car whih was blocking hers in?

Original poster
BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 22:43

diddl I didn't. I realised that i was unreasonable and went to move the car. Then she called told me I was a disgraceful parent so I decided to continue being a dick.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 19/05/2017 22:45

Perhaps she didn't want to be left holding two small children who didn't know her at all whilst you moved the car from where it shouldn't have been parked in the first place?! Confused

Creampastry · 19/05/2017 22:45

Yabu ..... end of.

Original poster
BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 22:45

And the only reason I thought it would be AT ALL appropriate to ask her to wait was because we were already half way there. It would've taken as long to drop DD off and run down the hill with an immobile baby than to drag DD back to the car and attempt to move it with a toddler thrown into the mix...

OP posts:
Original poster
BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 22:49

wolfiefan yes, fine. I totally get that. But am I really a disgraceful parent for asking? Could she not just have said 'no, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. Just move your car and let me get on with my day'
Then the car would've been moved, she wouldn't have been late, my daughter would've been spared listening to someone shouting at her mother in the street and I wouldn't have spent half my evening writing about it on mumsnet...

OP posts:
sycamore54321 · 19/05/2017 22:50

Her insults wer completely unnecessary but from her point of view, all she knew about you was you had the terrible bad judgement to park right across the entrance of a car park which had lots of spaces in it. So your judgement was already in question, compounded by the fact that you thought it ok to complete your task while she was obviously delayed. And so for all she knew, you were planning to drive half a mile away to park on another street, since your already rejected the only available car park. Holding your child might have meant you started moving your car sooner but then she would have had to wait for you to park it up, get back out and reclaim your child before she could sit into her car. From her perspective, you putting the child in your car meant she could be ready to drive off the second you pulled away from the entrance. You really were very unreasonable throughout.

In any case, I'd be hugely reluctant to hold someone else's child in a situation of real potential danger like a roadside and out of ear shot of the parent. It is different in a queue at an airport while the parent is wrestling luggage or something. If the child strongly bolted away, I am faced with either jerking them to a halt and maybe hurting their hand/shoulder, or seeing them run into danger. At the very least, the child would likely be upset or scared that they are left with a strange while, as they see it, you get into the car and drive away. Thanks but no thanks.

That said, her words about your parenting were uncalled for and designed to be hurtful

Wolfiefan · 19/05/2017 22:52

Or you could have just parked appropriately and saved everyone the hassle! Wink

Original poster
BeakyFlapdoodle · 19/05/2017 22:53

AND if I could send you a pic of the situation I would! There was literally no where to stop. Very small country lane. Cars already parked back to back. No other access to the nursery.
Options were 1)drive around for an indefinite amount of time waiting for a space to become available,2) park in pub (explained why not) or 3) go home (wish I'd done this. Never leaving the house again).

OP posts:
Funnyfarmer · 19/05/2017 22:55

She wanted you to move your car. But wasn't willing to help you?
And by helping you would have been helping herself. What a cock.
When I had dd1. I didn't drive and there was no lowliner busses.
Was trying to get on a bus when an extremely polite young chav approached me and asked if I needed help. I accepted his kind offer. As he was a teenager I assumed that he may not have been familiar with the very difficult buggy folding process. So before he knew it I had dumped my baby in his arms Grin
His face was a picture

Starsandwishes · 19/05/2017 23:03

I don't understand why you didn't park in the pub car park. I know you said you got a telling of for parking before. (Was it the same car park)? Because it was either park in the pub car park. so not blocking anyone in. Or park on the drop curb and block someone in.

Funnyface1 · 19/05/2017 23:03

She was very rude to you. I wouldn't personally leave my children with a stranger in this circumstance but I don't think you were being unreasonable.

If I were the landlord of the pub however, I would be a lot more annoyed about you blocking off access to my entire carpark than for parking in one of my spaces.